Show ANNIVERSARY GUIDEat A Chapter on Tin and Other Weddings SOME VERY GOOD ADVICE FREE 1 I Yon are Ceitain of Getting Enonlh Gifts t Pay Itj Go AheadOtherwise Oilierulsc I 1 I FOR THE SUNDAY HERALD By sp C 1 I arrangement nrlth the author Anxious Inquirer of West Postel j xvaites Crossing this state writes to t know authoritatively the several names anti table of distances between the va ion wedding anniversaries known throughout this country and also tho stationery and etiquette of the elite which is customary Anxious Inquirer j also adds We live plainly here inn sort I of hundlomonth Cushion but we are great hands for gayety and my husband would just make you die alaughing when < tie gets to cutting up Wherever he goes be is the life of the party I call him Lt i tic Snnbnm though he is quite good J size and has to have new gore put into his waistcoat every year Whether it i I 1 barn raising or a revival care not j you will always find a group of surprised and delighted admirers hanging about my Little Sunbeam We thought of having a tin wedding next season if we could get an idea of how t go at it and juiitly swap a few glad smiles and big rlI 1 apples for milk pans and a new tin rout t wdibe for the house He is just a poplar as he can be that is my hu btid is mil I am sure the folks would ciiuii from as tar back as East Turner and Gangrcne City Please tell us all alunifit old man and thus please one wi reads everything you write and treasures it for years I inclose a piece of bboii for yon to write your auto yriph on in indelible ink for our grab bag We have also wrote to Tallamadgo and Mr Sullivan to favor us in the same way We asked Ingersoll th lost and undone combustible of an irate God to write a sentiment on a piece of sill for our quit and he wrote on it in indelible ink eos t spill the block it was wrote on 4 Why in the name of that ill ventilated venti-lated future htate toward which I almost hope that you are hastening do you ask me to write my autograph on an old bat lining R G IXGEKSOLL Thesilk had been 1 admit the lining to Little Sunbeams hat that he was married in but 1 declare 1 didnt think that a man with as few privileges a l gerboll has had would ever drop o it Marriage anniversaries are ignored by One people while others regard them with ave and admiration It is well enough t observe them especially i yon feel that you are pOplar with the uiispes and can get a good return fore for-e lh gob of cake that is ground into ou i lagraii wirpet After you and Littlo Sunbeam had btvit hiifcfifisfnlly wedded for one year yon were entitled to a cotton or safety pin wedding You could avail your selve of the anniversary to barter popcorn pop-corn for muslin if you had so decided 1 do not know that it jwirs His Royal I Altitoodleuin the Prince of Wale told me host bnuimcr in a burst of confidence as we strolled out to the barn after the marriage of Ids l daughter that his cotton cot-ton wedding was really a loss to him Folks he Slid that had means and had L credit at the store for all the sheeting and spreads and such stuff that they had II I I mind to buy came t h house on that I V occasion deposited in the royal l archives a penny wipe or a cheese cloth portiere and then gorged themselves the gore on grub of the Guclphs till the cows came home as expressed t > After two years comes the leather wedding aud in five years from the nuptials comes the wooden wedding A i clergyman friend of mine had a wooden wedding in all sincerity and honesty of purpose Donations had taught him l not to hope for anything more than kind expressions ex-pressions and some new samples of hair ol on his wall paper but he loved h congregation and liked to show as far as possible that even if ho did feel a little lit-tle more secure for the future than they I did he was not disposed to refer to i any more than necessary Ho was a good mal and he earned his salary just a faithfully as he would he had gotit Well he had a wooden wedding and Iris wife reversed the skirt of her black cireis and put in new waist and sleeves for the occasion and cooked up a whole I lot of wholesome victuals and bought some Chinese Janterns with tho money her folks had sent her to buy other things b THE PJIIKCE OF WALES TOLD ME with and she skipped around for days warbling such mirth provoking songs a 1 Stood on the Bridge at Midnight and other ballads that were too depressing t b wicked Das passed and then at last caine the evening tide and quite a number of people peo-ple who looked with a keen searching glance at all Che parsonage properties a who should say we paid for this and we have a right to see what is being done with it They put up their horses and came in They shook hands with the pale pastor and presented him with a stepladder Quite a good address was made by Mr Earnest Patterson who did not feel able to I give anything except the address so thcy let him off with that He went on testate te-state how it was emblematical of the pastors upward tendency and closed with a fitting tribute to the pastors good qualities and the general advantage of being born in the land of gospel lights t nd nrivileffcs a contrasted with heathen lands where people do not read the papers but persist in being born at points where it is inconvenient and expensive to send the Rev Samuel Jones of Georgia He seemed to express a hope that he would ultimately meet the pastor in a laud where parting would bono pn no more and where the elder would bo required to give an account of his stewardship stew-ardship also to have the above step ladder with him in good order or explain ex-plain why it was not in good order plat The people then played some games ate what cake they did not feed to the children in the pastors bed broke a leg off a hair cloth lounge and propped it up L c I I I I I I I lA V A PKINTCCQ PRESS with the encyclopedia drove their teams over the cucumber vines and went home He died last year just before time to celebrate his tin wedding I have always al-ways believed that a porterhouse steak would have saved his l life His congregation congre-gation submitted to tho inevitable and got another hardier shrub to take his place Possibly they got an orchid The tin wedding occurs at the tenth anniversary At twelve years silk and linen are the general characteristics At fifteen years comes the crystal at twenty twen-ty the china at twentyfive the silver wedding at thirty pearl at forty ruby and at fifty tho golden wedding The seven tyfifth anniversary i called the diamond wedding but very few succeed hi getting that far hand in hand Your job printer will show you what style of invitation to issue imtaton so that you will have no trouble in regard to that As regards refreshments you must use your own taste and conform somewhat to the customs of the place in which you live l Some just pass amund the victuals say about 9 or 10 oclock and let her goat go-at that A good idea is to avoid so far a possible going into perishable grub Get things that will keep and then serve after you have run your eyo swiftly over the gifts A friend of mino got all ready once to feed his guests with the fat of the land but after seeing the layout he sliced n watermelon and went to bed leaving word in an audible voice for the te butler to turn off the ga a soon as the guests went home It was 1 crystal wedding and he told me that eight of the guests clubbed together to-gether and bought him l a glass marble t with a little mud turtle in it At first he thought that he would seek relief in L the false joys of rum but later on he t yielded to better counsels and bought a present for one of these friends who was about to have a tin wedding I was a L thing to use in tearing off checks and he made it himself l out of an unsoldered oyster n He also got the entire list of guests to unite with him in the expense ex-pense This did much to break up the custom of exchanging cookies for carved furniture and prune sauce and a glowing welcome for a set of solid silver or cut glass The Prince of Wales told me that i he had his life to live over again he wouldnt go in for any of these things In fact he had a tin wedding against his better judgment he said rather than have any trouble with his mother She favored it and ad thought it would pay but it didnt He says that the way board is i now it takes a good many long handled dippers t pay for one of these blowouts I have written tho indelible autograph on the piece of silk sent me Anxious Inquirer and return it to you along with the odor of benzine which accompanied it here when received it Use it wisely wise-ly 1 and may it enhance the grab bag to such an extent that in future years when your sons shall write home from the penitentiary and give their autobiography autobi-ography they may point to this autograph auto-graph and this grab bag and say that it was then and there that they first learned the joys of gambling and pf getting by chance what they might not by purchase Should your printer be unable to 5iip Pb you with the appropriate stationery for your anniversary I will be glad to do your work and lurnisn you with I what you need 1 have a neat little IJrnfg press which I securedby Ite getting J get-ting a new subscriber and thirtyfive cents for a paper which desired to extend I ex-tend its circulation so that it could do a I good deal more good than it had ever been able to do before I is a good j little press but is really better I find j as a cider press than for printing I is i to earnest and to desirous of making j J i I a deep impression I think I would bo I a good machine to prepare reading matter 1 mat-ter for the blind because it can be read i better on the back than on the front te 1 and easier by touch than by sight 1 had intended to touch briefly upon the great solemnity of the marriage relations rela-tions and the horrors of married life but I find that I have not tho time or space for it However i may say in conclusion that marriage if not carried to excess is a wise provision and a sacred obligation Marry your opposite so far as possible especially as regards sex Yon will never regret it I possible marry above your own station Both of you should do this I is sure t advance ron C Do not marry a foreigner sinless sin-less highly indorsed by those in whom j you have perfect confidence or unless you want to very much indeed i Do not encourage long engagements i I 1S better to get weary of each other at your leisure after marriage than to fly around and dp so beforehand Courtship Court-ship however is a most delightful industry in-dustry and should not be rashly broken in upon by marriage Some people seem to be admirably fitted for suitors but 1 fail in other occupations This is very unfortunate indeed No suitor can be I sure of a permanent situation The supply sup-ply greatly exceeds the demand but I good plenty husbands and wives are none too I the United States government would i establish a standard of excellence for suitable husbands under 80 and able amiable and sensible wives under the same age and award a medal to each I and a nurse annually instead of oiling the thorax and patting the back of capital capi-tal we would never have cause t regret it Wedding anniversaries containing popcorn and presents of course are within with-in the scope jurisdiction and prerogative of those who are interested and may be encouraged or frowned upon a best srrts those who may or may not be willing will-ing to place themselves in a position where the positive electrode of pie and angel food may bo applied in such way a to connect with the electrode of pincushions pin-cushions and congratulations You can suit yourselfAnxious Inquirer Inquir-er but a you gaze fondly on the tin caster which marks your silver wedding and dig the jam out of your hair on the morning after your anniversary please do not shake your mucilaginous locks ate m at-e and say I did it for I did not i < |