Show FOB THE SUNDAY HERALD By special arrangement with the author This department regrets to state that it has succeeded in getting itself into trouble Some months ago a correspondent correspond-ent wrote to know how he should avoid 1 i THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT tailing cold at night while asleep He 1 was very restless he said and while en I i i gaged in slumber so far forgot himself I as to lack the clothes off This bad habit I I resulted in nothing serious so far as i I others were concerned as the young I man is a bachelor and in kicking off the bedclothes is therefore his own worst t I enemy The writer of theso lines who as a I bachelor was also rather a spirited slum berer himself suffered from cold and exposure in the same waybut finally obtained relief by having made to order a large fleece lined bag six feet in length with a puckering string which could be pulled about the neck after he had inserted himself This worked so successfully that he volunteered the recipe for the use of the correspondent He adopted the plan and soon was delighted de-lighted to know that he was no longer annoyed by snufiles in the morning and so health and consequent joy sparkled in his eye All went well until last week whdn a low coarse burglar entered the room of this young man The moon was just in the act of piercing the tissue of I fleecy clouds when a middle aged burglar bur-glar wearing a heavy growth of bushy tan colored whiskers from which one might easily scare a flock of Welsh rabbits rab-bits softly raised the window and entered en-tered the room The regular breathing of Mr McTige was like the gentle purring of a Maltese Mal-tese catoninetails and the burglar burg-lar though alert had no fears Softly Soft-ly he stepped around from one object ob-ject of vertu to another now and then pausing perhaps to smell a bottle of bouquet bou-quet dAlps and put a little pomatum on his beard All went well till the burglar in picking pick-ing up Mr McTiges trousers awkwardly 1 awkward-ly upended the pockets and with some racket eighteen cents in money and a bunch of keys fell out on the floor Then 3Jr McTigagave a little start and exclaimed ex-claimed Oh mammal as he saw in the uncertain light total stranger Mr Mc Tige spoke to the man and asked him what he was doing That made the burglar burg-lar mad No burglar likes to have his motives mpugned i So he came up to Mr McTige and warmed up the cold muzzle muz-zle of his weapon in tho young mans earPretty soon though he saw how Mr McTige was accoutered so he put away his revolver and with a meaning smile j he snatched Mr McTige from his bed II II pulled the puckering string considerably tighter and hung the bag up on the gas jet so that Wellington McTige looked I like a large Christmas present He did I not dare shriek for fear that his sister who always tied him l into his little bag I at night and untied him in the morning I would rnn to him and get shot I So while the brutal man about town I gathered in all the portable bricabrac and means in the house Mr McTige i hung there as helpless as a trussed fowl and looked directly forward Oh it was i a sad sight indeed and the mental anguish an-guish turned one side of his mustache white in the night He now writes to this department to I i I ask what was our idea in sending out I I such a recipe and wishes also to know if we stand in with the burglar interests of the country It is hard to try to do good and then meet with this style of reward We do not claim to supply burglar proof sleeping bags or designs for same but we try to do right by one i and all and we shall continue to do so even though contumely and such things as that constitute our only reward fo The following letter comes from a lady of veracity and undoubted respectability respect-ability It is written in a spirited style and appeals to one and all I give it as it is received with much pleasure i As a rule general correspondence is Ii more pleasant to give than to receive I So I give it Will you esplain to me Why the New York hotels aro guarding so carefully against all appearances ap-pearances of respectability Late one evening 1 found I must spend a night in the city having hav-ing missed the train I intended to take I applied for a room at the house I I was informed they were all engaged I told that lynx eyed clerk that bo could furnish men me-n room or I would spend the night on a sofa that stood there in the ball He eyed meagain in a polite 1 wry and asked mo to step on one Ado while he spoke confidentially with me There he told me that 1 was too respectable looking to Stop in this hotel or words to this effect His exact words were We cannot oto you a room If you were with a gentle ban it would be otherwise Then I blew that soft voiced clerk very high into the even fesj air I think he ascended down again tOugb so I wont repeat what I said Now it teems had I been a vile unprincipled woman applying with a man admirer for a room all erould have been well But I a lonely woman vaacquaiuted with New York boarding houses and despising New York boarding house breakfasts break-fasts was refused accoiRTnodpiion What is the motive of this rule and will it be lung enforced Indignantly yours Duos The rules which are used in running hotels have to be rigidly adhered to I tm told and it is against public morals j tor unaccompanied ladies to put up at an hotel That is the reason why so many men who are tender hearted and noble in every wary go about late at night 1 sometimes hoping that they may be of use in this way to those who are lonely and need the name of some great strongman strong-man upon whom to lean I agree with you madam regarding such New York boarding house breakfasts break-fasts as 1 have been thrown in contact with The eggs at a New York boarding board-ing house I recall now as peculiarly depressing de-pressing and filled with vain regret These eggs as I recall them were noticeable notice-able for their defective ventilation They were eggs that had been marked down from the regular price And yet yon cannot well evade the breakfast of the metropolitan boarding house if you are a transient and a woman wom-an Honestly I do not think that woman gets a fair shake in this matter I She may be able and willing to go toast fir toa-st class hotel and eat a good 2 breakfast break-fast but as a stranger she is compelled to put up at a plebeian waffle works and eat in a breakfast room in which there is a tired looking bed lounge Now abed a-bed lounge in a breakfast room will cast a gloom over better victuals than we generally find in that neighborhood and ah how depressing it is when the hollow chested muffin leaning on the strong arm of the butter gives a sad cough and seems to appeal as does also the feeble coffee for Professor Lymph Koch to come to its aid New York is a very wicked city lady It is said to be next to Cheyenne Wyo for original and artificial sin There is no place of its size where it is harder fore on for-e to live up to his epitaph than New onY York Scarcely a day goes by that somebody some-body does not cut up some deviltry here Even people of undoubted standing commit com-mit indiscretions It isnt more than a month since a policeman right here in town stepped aside from the beaten path and if a policeman goes astray I when every good influence is thrown about him what may we not expect from the general public Sin not only of a local and amateur character stalks our l streets at noonday but the imported wickedness the handiwork of pauper labor comes in here duty free Sin with all the advantages of many fostering foster-ing and festering centuries gets off ate th at-e barge office here and begins to compete com-pete with the amateur wickedness of New York Eternal vigilance is the price of tho umbrella and also the price of success in the hotel business It is found that certain cer-tain rules must be established and lived livedi up to in running a hotel or the business will be a failure That is why I sometimes some-times have difficulty myself in obtaining uEST5 WIIKDUT BtAOMlTTEO THE GRAND J5Lutftr suitable lodginge If unaccompanied especially by baggage it is often hard work for me to get quarters at all in keeping with my position For that reason we must submit though often unwillingly to the customs cus-toms harsh though they be and content ourselves with the New York boarding house and its extremely aetat eggs |