Show ODDS AND ENDS A howling swellAn ulcerated tooth Burlington Free Press Another great discovery of diamonds in Kentucky A man got five of them on the first > dealPhiladelphia Press Clara Belle complains because Liberty has no bustle Hasnt she all the bustle of a great city right behind her Cleveland Cleve-land Sun I A lyre five feet high has been found by Dr Schliemann We have bigger lyres in this country but they are not spelled that way I There is room for everybody in this big world Friction comes from the fact that too many want the front room N 0 Picayune Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today The men you may want to borrow from may be called out of town Philadelphia Herald A Burlington hotel has this appropriate appro-priate motto hanging over the clerks desk Blessed is the man who pays as he goesBurlington Free Press Itis no longer regarded asproper in polite circles to say a person has a wrinkled face The correct thing is to speak of a person with a corduroy countenance Kleptomania stealing is not determined deter-mined by the height at which the chickens I chick-ens roosted but the height in the social i scale of the man who went after them Albany Journal A EESEMULASCE A gun is like a bank cashier Not only cause it has its stock But that its apt at going off To generate a little shock Herein tho is a difference To which jour reason will assent The gun is often charged with shot The cashier with embezzlement Yonkers Gazette Our Boarding houseWhich is correct cor-rect asked Mrs Coldtea The biscuit are light or tho biscuits are light Neither replied the first floor front The biscuit are heavy is correct Chicago Rambler A copy of tho sermon preached by John Knox 321 year ago was recently sold in London for 2075 In the way 01 highpriced sermons John Knox the spots off the productions of our modern pulpit orators Norristown Herald An Iowa railrad conductor who found a pocketbook containing 250 and hunted up the owner who proved to be an aged granger and his wife was met with this remark from the old lady It was a good thing some one seen you pick it up or we never would have got it again Among other questions about Africa asked Mr Stanley at his recent visit to this country was a curious onefrom an eccentric afterdinner speaker What we want to know he asked is how you expect to build a railroad from Vivi to Stanley Pool if it is true that ostriches eat up the rails is fast as they are laid l Congressman Lawler was overrun With caller and told the House doorkeepers door-keepers to bring him no more cards Afterward Mrs Lawler called and was told she could not see the member Cant see him Why Im his wife 1 Oh come now was the heartless rely you cant work that racket here A hundred women today have told me the same thing A TAX BETURN A gentleman who bears the peculiar name of Smith returns to the County Treasurer the schedule of his personal property with the following remarks indorsed thereon Im the owner of Pat twn y our year of age And thp wagon ne draws through the ditches One silvercaed Elgin some years on the stage One machine for p1tchin my breeches The rest of myh uphold furniture all Would s ° cure under mortgage fifty on call From the list I infer you expect me to pay A tuxou tlle money low Also on aT credits last April Fools day An i double the revenue so MY credits are none but my debts I will swear I ever can tell yon how many there are Omaha Repel iran ira-n |