Show r I I II I The Conquests of Constance r SWITCHBOARD OPERATOR AT THE HOTEL RICH RIOH I BY ALMA WOODWARD I 1 Copyright 1913 by Press Publishing Co the New cw York Evening EnDIng World THE CUBAN PLANTER observed ed Constance looking SAY up from a n two find and a half hal Inch headline I 1 think Its It's about time I fer Uncle Sam to toU togo U 4 go o down and send them Greasers to tobed tobed tobed bed without their supper 1 its Tta 3 ju Jus fierce the way I they get up these thesa hero here revolutions rC Jus jus' to give hc tho the street nin de department do- do a chan chanco chano e eto to jot get awa away with more graft on tho the strength uv u clean- clean In up tho the excess shells an an Plank Mank cartridges after the ball Is over Honest yuh uh cant can't Imagine how nervous nervous nervous nerv nerv- ous It makes mo me ever every time I read about em makin a picture uv some poor Brink gink with a thirty eight eIght re repeater repeater ro- ro peater Well It all makes history I murmured murmured murmured mur mur- vaguely what n a flossy lossy gent what called caned up Long LonS' Island City says to me methis methis methis this mornin And he tho the kind hind that If It there a call for fer volunteers volunteers volunteers volun volun- d hoard board tho the midnight choo-choo choo fer Cana Canada a an an begin allegIance allegiance allegiance ance to Geor George e the five tive times In the tho mornin One uv U them dew dewy carry- carry hanky cuff pastels nc no wu z I What hat sort of history would there have been If there hadn't been war war wal V WAR AR 1 I 1 blazed In self sel Aw W 4 w were we're not fer maldi makin history these days its it's the verdant alue were we're after the after the still sun small email voice that says Just flash me a n. bit a an ac em all stick around I t There aint no mone money In history Not In ln It It II tin about it nor hem descended frum from It Why history dont don't even go goIn goin goin in nowadays nowadays so so It must Be cc pretty prett punk Connie you OU ho I derided If Shakespeare had known you OU hed he'd havo have put skirts on his Shylock Brush onward she warne warned Theros Theres quicksand right on that there spot I n never nevor vor heard of the tho gent gent gent- what hat circuit Is ho he out oa on lInt But as I sayin tho the most I know uv U this Mexico Is tho the chilo con carne came an nn If It that eats Is any Indication uv Mexican why why Its It's natural that the they havo these little recreations allons every cry once In a while That t dish Is the biggest est lemon to tho green foeder feeder aint It Just think uv lothin a n Innocent childlike stow In ln a au sauce e that Is concentrated concentrate essence uv gunpowder gunpowder gun gun- pow powder er sprinkled lightly with tabasco tabas tabas- co Ce An to put that flame out after atter It has once penetrated your our Little Mary mo It cant can't be bo did you over o had any Mexicans stopping at the hotel There are lots lotsof lotsof lot of rich ones one who come to Now New York regularly once or twice a year I do dont don't t recollect none But I had a experience once oneo with a Cuban an an yuh uh c cn hardly toll the difference between n nOem Oem em em in the light This hero here Mothers Mother's Jo joy Im I'm u d come ome up Ui here every evor- summer with a a. wad big enough to choke off ott the Investigation In committee an what ho he didn't do to this balmy burg burg Say Say that glossy gU guy Nero ero had whatever on him Well fer far some reason or other the second summer ho he here he got jus' jus buzz buzzy over my Used to write rite limericks to the delicate down on my dainty cheek not knowin that I like to kl killed led the dame what sold Rold mo me the cold cream what grew it An fer feC three months I forgot fergot what hat It to call the conductor a 0 liar when whoa he said I r didn't pay m my taro faro Life Lifo WU Just one blamed tourin car after atter another with me Why I got sos SOB I could get Into irto timo tho darned rnell things s even LOOKIN at the chauffeur So So all went vent cream creamy until onO oni night ho hJ n i takes me rue to one ono uv U them small se se se- led lect cafes where the they turk turkey trot till three I had on a drape drapo that night what u Clashed six il wa ways way f fer r SunIa Sunda Sun Sun- Ia da day and what left u uv U t t l knotted loose about me 1 had that together slung look that th-l t comos eonis trum Pa an Paris ls an I r knew I r Ivus wu vu aces Well yuh uh know kno how chummy a bunch U uv turkey y trotters gets about two two- half and G G. G M n L The girls sp specially begin to toll taU what kind md uv sachet they use an everything An n In ono one uv them In Jo when my tinted triumph t J i c 0 7 I had bad went t down into the barroom to blow tho the bunch Lunch uv men those gathered round mo me an b by gosh each cue uv them had a 11 poem writ by this Cuban galoot pressed close to their bosoms hosom with their powder rags rag and und lipsticks Why h sa say after that could I I a agone a agone gone on understudy to fifty fifty- varieties r dom dam Me Mc Ic fer the plain guy what doesn't know a piece uv poetry trum fruna truma a jur Jury summons Yuh cn CINCH that kind blinders an an a check checkrein checkrein rein Well Vell an anyway V ar that's tho the closest clos dos est cst I ever overcome como come to Mexico |