| Show I DAUGHTERS DOWRY 1 Leading ladies Interviewed on Marriage Portions HUSBANDS AND MONEY MATTERS Mrs PostmasterGeneral Vanamaker Favors Dots but Mrs Noble Says They are the Belies of Barbarism I WASHINGTON Feb 191891 Special correspondence cor-respondence of THE HERALD Should American girls have dowries Should we settle a portion upon our daughters at marriage mar-riage These questions I have asked of some of our most noted society ladies during dur-ing the past week and I find their answers interesting in the extreme I first called upon Mrs Senator Sherman She said I am in favor of dowries for our daughters daugh-ters though I do not think the matter should be a compulsory one as in France I believe however that both husband and wife are all the happier for the possession of means of their own and every parent who values his daughters best happiness will not hesitate to endow her upon the event of her marriage I have often expressed ex-pressed this sentiment in our family and I believe that no father should he possess sufficient means is justified in placing his child in a position where she will be entirely en-tirely dependent upon the whims of another an-other It is a wise regulation of the French government to provide by the settlement of a marriage portion for the permanent support sup-port of the wife so that she can never be left in want no matter how improvident the husband may be HOW ONE COUNT GOT 10000 A TEAR Nevertheless I know continued Mrs Sherman of any number ol instances in which the system has proved rather disastrous disas-trous You may probably have heard of the marriage of Miss Gordon of Cleveland Ohio to Count Vilain of Belgium The affair created quite a sensation at the time as Miss Gordan was a beautiful girl and the only child of a millionaire who was violently vio-lently opposed to his daughter wedding a foreigner The parents opposed the match for a while and made every effort to draw their child out of the way of temptation The lover however was not to be thwarted ana when the affair became unavoidable the parents determined to make the best of it A meeting was arranged with the lover for the purpose of signing the settlements and when the preliminaries were being discussed dis-cussed the amount of the dot became a subject of considerable controversy At length the father asked what money the counts family intended to bestow upon him This question rather staggered the young man who hastened to explain that no such custom prevailed in his country so far as the husband was concerned Very well then added Mr Gordan IJnless you can show an equal amount either in money or lands you cannot have my daughter After considerable cabling and much discussion dis-cussion the question was finally settled by the consent of the counts father to transfer trans-fer to his son property valued at 100000 I Not until then would the millionaire agree to the demand and he immediately settled a life interest upon the young couple of 10000 a year ten per cent of the amount conferred upon the groom Three years afterwards the wife died and today the widower continues to receive the annual allowance agreed upon from his fatherin law notwithstanding the fact of his second marriage I might quote other instances of a similar character Mrs Sherman went on but they would all go to prove that foreigners seldom overlook the allim ortant dot in a question of marriage i with an American girl no matter how fondly they may love the woman and the subject is worthy of more serious consideration consider-ation among those who have their childrens lasting happiness to consider SHE LOVED ANOTHER You are doubtless familiar continued Mrs Sherman with Lucy Hoopers advice ad-vice to her countrywomen In one of her letters written from abroad after her marriage mar-riage she thus forcibly put the casely dear young American sisters if you must have a pet purchase a spaniel but never buy a French count Miss Hoopers father as consul at Paris had many curious experiences ex-periences brought to his notice in his official offi-cial capacity not the least original of which was the case of a young wife whose fancy had been enthralled like many another American girls by the glitter of a titlo One day while seated at his desk he was interrupted by the entrance of a lady who feelingly explained that her husband a Frenchman had informed her that by the laws of France which require the presence of the resident foreign minister or at least consul at the ceremony to insure the legality legal-ity of the contract their marriage did not hold good in his own country and that inconsequence in-consequence of the absence of such a representative rep-resentative at the church she could no longer claim his allegiance as a husband Sympathizing with the woman in her trying try-ing and questionable position Mr Hooper very gently explained that unfortunately there did exist such a law and that he was powerless to help her To his astonishment astonish-ment his visitor delightedly exclaimed Then it is all true as he said and I am free to marry whom I choose I am so glad for there is another man whom I love very dearly I MRS POSTMASTERGENERAL WANAMAKER Mrs Wanamaker wife of our postmaster general is a woman of culture and rare common sense and having spent several years in foreign travel is fitted to express intelligent views on this subject I called upon her one morning not long since and found her luxuriously ensconced in her pretty boudoir in the midst of her regular daily work of correspondence She was answering dozens of private notes and letters let-ters of charitable appeals She said 11I think that the question of bestowing a dot or wedding portion should be en tirely optional not compulsory as it is abroad Such arrangements are in many instances productive of much evil and of considerable financial embarrassment As an illustration of this I recall the case of a wealthy Frenchman who had three wedded daughters upon each of whom he bad bestowed be-stowed a dot far in excess of his private means Two of his sonsinlaw had been taken into partnership with him and inconsequence in-consequence he had impoverished himself when otherwise ho would have been rich in this worlds goods Many American girls possess independent means and their future is provided for without additional endowment As to girls not situated I hardly think that any man of means would care to permit his daughter to leave her homo unendowed and thereby place her in a position of comparative dependence I MRS SECRETARY XOBIE I Mrs Noble says I do not lko the idea of giving dowries I think them degrading and a relic of a barbaric age When the subject is looked at in its true light it degenerates de-generates into a mere question of barter Amons Indian tribes the habit is always to pay down a bounty or purchase money either in lands or an equal value in beads skins or wampum upon the choice of a bride from among the dusky daughters of the nation If the maiden be Tvellfavorecl and possessed of superior attractions the money is paid over by the groom into the hands of the father and the young girl becomes be-comes a wife with all the show and ceremony cere-mony of early barbaric custom Should I the maid be illfavored or devoid of personal I per-sonal charms a handsome sum is paid by the parent as a bonus thrown in after the manner of a chromo to equalize the bargain bar-gain There is to me Mrs Noble went on something repulsive in the bare consideration consider-ation of dowrygiving in a civilized community commu-nity and in an age of Christian advancement advance-ment On the other hand a father possessed pos-sessed of any means would unreasonable to permit his child to enter into the matri monal state emptyhanded more especially should the man of her choice be possessed fo of moderate income and steady business I habits A fair start in life is the secret of a successful future and many men are too often hampered in their youth by the burden I bur-den of family expenses that cripple their best efforts at a time when a little discreet financial aid would set them afloat upon the sea of success with favorable winds to waft their bark There is a wise clause in English jurisprudence that provides for the support of a wife from an endowment contained in the marriage settlement Such a dot belongs unconditionally to the wife and she can withhold it notwithstanding the demands of the husband IRS UtLISrC ON HAPPY MARRIAGES Mrs Carlisle expresses short but decided views in favor of the dowry She said A woman should always possess means of her own if she expects to enjoy a perfectly congenial wedded life Even the most generous gen-erous of husbands often overlook the smaller needs of a household that form so important a factor in the general comfort and happiness and very few women care to be constantly making petty demands upon their husbands preferring often to go without a necessity rather than annoy a man by little importunities of this kind until at length a lack of mutual confidence engenders misunderstandings that prove the beginning of serious estrangemonts It is the same thing over again as that brought out in the allowance system and if the wife possesses independent means the wheels of domestic machinery run smoothly forward without jar or hindrance By all means give your daughters a wedding wed-ding portion should your fortune permit and do not thrust her from the paternal nest unsupplied with necessary protection from future want MRS SENATOR JlPHERSON APPROVES THEM Mrs McPherson wife of the Senator from New Jersey has spent much of her life in foreign travel and probably there are few corners of the world which at onetime one-time or another she has not visited A woman of keen intelligence and considerable consider-able literary taste she has made a careful study of the various customs and national peculiarities I asked her whether she approved ap-proved oE the giving of dowries I do most emphatically she answered For the sake of awomans individual hap piness if for no other reason itis a wise I provision ands believe that every parent who has his childs best welfare at heart would not neglect so important a duty 1 mean of course in case he can afford to do so Abroad the custom is universally observed ob-served and a foreigner seldomif ever seeks an American wife from among those less l blessed by fortune The recent marriage of Miss Audenried and Count Devonno of France is yet another instance of title allying al-lying with solid American gold Everyone of course knows that the count was head over ears in love with his bride but the main chance was not overlooked and the dowry was satisfactorily settled in compliance com-pliance with the French law before the contract was sealed at the altar The amount of Miss Audenried income is variously I va-riously estimated from four to eight thousand thou-sand dollars to which her mother has added a dot of several thousand more out of her handsome fortune that will in all probability revert eventually to her I daughter MRS SENATOR WOLCOTT DOESNT APPROVE OF DOWRIES Mrs Wolcott wife of the Senator from Cslorado was at first rather disinclined to express her views as she had never seriously seri-ously considered the question but she soon warmed up to the subject in reply to one or two leading questions ardently espoused the opposite view Mrs Wolcott went onto on-to explain that she considered domestic happiness hap-piness betto1 secured by total dependence on the part of the wife She said In every male breast there lives a spark of latent chivalry that is sure to be called forth by the demand for protection on the part of the weaker vessel and his manly pride is roused by the demand upon his rightful sovereignty over those who are dependent upon his strength just as the very dependency of an infant claims our natural love and care We Americans are far too apt to indulge in the habit of imitating imitat-ing foreign customs instead of preserving that boasted independence so hardly won by our forefathers and the worst of it is that we by no means adopt the best of them We usually follow some foolish brief fancy originating in distant lands by a class of people possessing totally opposite oppo-site The French as well as many other Europeans who observe this law of dowrygiviusr live very happily to all appearances b it the truth is that the women of other c ountries expec1 less from their husbands than we Amer cans enjoy One thin however I have noticed among foreigners IB that the wife of aiPrencnman is far more respected the light of counselor coun-selor to her husband than with us and is consulted upon every and any emergency whether of public or private demands and the wisdom of her advice generally followed lowed The trouble with us lies in the fact that we have developed into a moneyget ting moneyloving race that in following the practical we Jose the joy of the ideal and the sweet romance of love is destroyed in the effort Do you not think that much depends upon the character of the man whether or J Dot such total dependence results in happiness happi-ness Of course replied Mrs Wolcott where a man is a tyrant by nature no domestic congeniality or wedded joy can be expected under any consideration but every true man will guard his wife from a feeling of dependence and treat her with consideration whether she possess private means or come to him emptyhanded By all means lot us avoid the adoption of any custom but preserve our individuality as 01 nation and let circumstances guide our action ac-tion in this question as in every other event of life MRS SENATOR CARET TELLS HOW IT IS IN WYOMING The wife of Senator Carey of Wyoming is one of the handsomest among the ladies of the Senatorial circle a typical western women possessed of all the independence and selfreliant spirit engendered by a life spent in an atmosphere of progressive suffrage suf-frage that in no way detracts from tho dignity and tenderness of her nature as wife and mother She holds independent views differing materially from those held by Mrs Wolcott She advocates equality individual rights in the matter of fortune as in all other respects I dropped in upon her one morning not long since at her handsome hand-some suite of apartments in tho Arlington and found her a keen advocate of the supe rior advantages resulting from the system of dowry giving She said I am firmly convinced that married life is always the happier for the possession of means on the side of the wife No matter how thoughtful and generous the husband may be for no matter how lavishly the head of the house provides for the domestic domes-tic comfort there are always little unexpected unex-pected demands cropping up that no woman wo-man cares to be forever asking to supply Then too there are occasional small charities chari-ties or pet acts of kindness that one likes to indulge in and if she be possessed of even limited allowance of her own she feels truer pleasure in the dispensing of the funds than in giving double the sum supplied through the generosity of her husband No one bas a happier or more congenial wedded life than mine or a more lavishly indulgent partner yet for that very reason I often refrain from making demands upon his purse I believe in fact that the pleasure derivedfrom some little act of personal generosity out of a private purse far outweighs any mutual gift In no state in the Union are women more highly honored or more connubially happy than in Wyoming simply for the reason that the laws of universal suffrage there prevail In a perfected state and as a rule men hold theirwives in a higher degree of respect and look upon them as their equals in all things There are fewer cases of divorce di-vorce and fewer domestic discords besides which the laws of womans suffrage are productive of greater fairness in regard to wages The pay of woman in every trade and profession is the same as that of a man performing equal labor This law also extends ex-tends to the right of inheritance Should a mandie intestate worth less than 10000 the entire amount goes to his widow Should his fortune be larger the half of the sum to any amount is hers the remaining half to be dividea among the children the same rule holding good when the money comes through the women Speaking of the advantages of independent independ-ent moans JI Mrs Carey Continued recalls re-calls tho case of a friend out west who marrieda man of a terribly jealous nature 1 and who illy concealed his dislike of the tIm tI-m h tit spirit of independence engendered in his wife by the possession of an annual allowance allow-ance from her father At length he determined deter-mined to settle the matter and called upon his fatherinlaw with the request that the allowance be discontinued in order that upon him alone must the wife learn to depend de-pend Such instances are however of rare occurrence and the majority of husbands hus-bands are far better satisfied to feel that their helpmeet possesses a protection from sudden reverses of fortune should a financial finan-cial crash occur or sudden death remove their lawful protection1 ANOTHER WESTEtlN VIEW Mrs Warren wife of the new Senator from Wyoming was present during our conversation haying only the night previous previ-ous arrived in the city to join her husband In reply to my request for her personal views upon the question she laughingly responded hI endorse Mrs Carey in all that she has said and am sure that every woman within the boundaries of the free state of Wyoming will agree with me for nearly twenty years I have cast my vote at the polls and I feel none the less the right to claim the respect accorded the weakest of my sex from every true man and am happy in tho the love and esteem of one of the best husbands hus-bands in the world MRS VICEPRESIDENT MORTON Mrs Morton preferred to express no decided de-cided views in reference to publicly discussed dis-cussed questions without more time for their serious onsideration than my present demand would permit yet she added that shedid not realize the necessity for the introduction troduction of any such marriage settlement in this country as prevails abroad Como and see me inn few years when daughters are old enough to seriously force ho consideration upon me and I will be better prepared to answer you she said and turned the conversation with her natural nat-ural tact I re retted her decision all tho more coming from a woman whoso sound common sense would bear all the more forcibly for-cibly upon the topic Miss GRUNDT JR |
