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Show Volume XI THE Issue V OGDEN VALLEY NEWS Page 11 December 15, 2004 Design Give the Greatest Gifts of All By Shannon McBride, Ogden Canyon Many of us have friends or relatives who have lost someone through divorce, separation, or death. As you observe the holidays, you might be unsure of how you could express your sympathy to those who are grieving. Because my husband Dennis died suddenly eight years ago, just three weeks before Thanksgiving, I have experienced personally how devastating such a loss can be, and how the universal joy and cheer of the holiday season seems to compound one’s grief. I hope my words below will help as you comfort someone you love who may have suffered a recent loss—or who may still be grieving over a loss not so long ago. With the loss of my husband, I was blessed with an outpouring of sympathy from many people in the community. children and I received gifts of flowers, cards, concern, and love. Perhaps you can benefit from what I’ve learned about how important four special gifts can be—touch, talk, time, and tears. Please keep these gifts in mind as you prepare your holiday giving list. The Gift of Touch. Touch us. People who have suffered a loss need to be physically touched. A hug—a true embrace— helps replace energy we have lost. A pat on the back isn’t quite enough. Touch also comes through the written word. Use your own words to express your oO = sympathy. It means so much. I found incredible comfort from handwritten cards that spoke of Dennis’ vitality, his energy, and his sense of humor. Cards that told of the writer’s personal loss of his presence meant to me that they were sharing my grief. much warmer and more soothing were these personal and handwritten remarks than a stock phrase from a preprinteted car Don’t feel that you’ve waited too long, that you’ve procrastinated calling, visiting, sending flowers or a letter or card. always welcome words of caring—because grieving and healing are such a lengthy process and can drain so much of our energy. The Gift of Talk. Listen to us talk. We want to talk about our loss; we want to say our loved one’s name. My truest friends were those who called me to see how I was e from day to day. They knew I was not ” They’ were willing to listen to me talk sna Dennis, to hear if at that moment I felt good, sad, angry, confused, joyful, or lonely. True friends make phone calls or visits that come at just the right time, when we wonder why everyone has gone back to their daily lives while we are trying to get our lives in some semblance of order. The Gift of Time. Give us time to heal. You may see someone at work, at social function, or at church, smiling or even laughing, and tell yourself, “She must be getting over it. She’s doing so well.” But you see that person only at that moment. There are times when we are paralyzed by our grief. Early in the morning or late at night—and on weekends—we feel the loss so much stronger. Be patient and gentle with us. Give us time. The Gift of Tears. Come close to us When you see someone for the first time after a loss, you wonder what you can say. Say anything. Say you’re sorry, say you want to help if you can, say you loved the person who is now gone. Please don’t be afraid to ask us how we are. Don’t be embarrassed to talk to us. We will tell you the truth, and the truth won’t hurt you. Don’t be afraid of tears—yours or ours. Tears heal, and your tears are a gift of love. Don’t make us suffer additional losses—the loss of your presence, the loss of your concern, the loss of your love—because you feel awkward and don’t know what to say. I have learned that loneliness and the feeling that there is no future without the one we’ve lost is an inevitable, uninvited guest in everyone’s life. Loneliness comes and goes, but isolation is self-imposed. We need the energy of our friends and family. Help us return to the world though your touch, your talk, ia time, and even your tears. ve the greatest gift of your life to someone this year who has suffered a loss. Give yourself. is Influenced by Experiences— Experience more By Laurie Van Zandt dens A recent trip to pondon and Paris with the Association rofessional Landscape Designers Sead me with a unique opportunity to explore centuries old, traditional English gardens; the strong planterly forms and dramatic contrasts of light and shade in Anthony Paul’s sculptural garden “The Black and White Garden’’; Julie Toll’s contemporary, natural style executed with wildflower meadows and flowering lawns; the subtle, watercolor gardens of Claude Monet; and the exciting gardens at Citroen Pare, where architecture and nature, French Baroque and modern geometry, urban and rural, collide to form incredible public spaces. Probably the most exciting gardens were the show gardens at Chateau de Chaumont in France, featuring thirty fantastic, surreal exhibits representing “Chaos - (Order and Disorder in the Garden).” It was an incredibly stimulating and influential experience with unconstrained designs full of adventure, imagination, atid fae and risk. Lectures by numerous international designers orovided insight into the future of fine gardening and landscape design. Two distinct, universal trends emerged from the sharing of ideas with such disparate artists as Dan Pearson, designer of the romantic gardens of Torrecchia in Italy, new rooftop developments in Tokyo, and walled gardens in Yorkshire; Giles Clement, landscape architect behind many famous French gardens and France’s leading ecologist; and Tony Haywood, whose Conceptual Gardens utilize horticultural age as fine art, and who encouraged u: ink, — create, expand, push, oe: and ae tur se trends seem estou applicable to severe environs of Northern Utah. Sustainability was a recurrent theme among the speakers, as well as being evident in many of the gardens we toured. Sustainable gardens are gar- NEW where the designer is conscious of the tainable gardens include plants that are appropriate to the climate and local growing conditions. This type of design encourages landscapes that leave a gentle mark on the environment. Designers in Germany are realizing the value of sustainable landscapes, and they are being installed frequently in the form of wildflower meadows, especially in urban and public settings. These gardens are virtually self-sustaining and maintenance free. Local wildflowers are chosen for their seasonal color and interest, and it has been found that familiarity is breeding acceptance of the meadow’s “down time” when seed heads dominate, and viewers are learning to appreciate the rites of passage and the return of spring. The second trend explored at the confer ence was the appreciation of a “sense of place” focus for creativity. The Ogden Valley is tich with design inspiration and symbolism in the form of our mountains, streams, rock formations, seasons, and wildlife, and an acknowledgement of the Valley’s farming heritage can be made through contemporary use of local and traditional materials and plants. An awareness of the human impact on the natural world is becoming increasingly important, and it is gratifying to see the international design community accept and embrace this reality by focusing on solutions through sustainability and sense of place. The lessons afforded by designers on the cutting edge of landscape design can, and should, be adapted to meet the particular challenges of landscaping in Northern Utah. Note: This information was provided by Laurie Van Zandt, The Ardent Gardener, Garden and andscape Design, Huntsville. For more information, call 801-388-8103. LISTING COLDWCLL = FAN Cog TWO BUCK TUESDAY Come in to the Wolf Creek Grille any Tuesday - Look what you get for just $2! 12/21 Any dessert for just $2 with any full priced entree Linda & Jim immons 801-791-1206 12/28 Any appetizer just $2 with any entrée Merry Christos to our clients, friends, and neighbors! 801-745-4000 Watch for January's $2 specials in next Ogden Valley News. 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