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Show JUST FOR FUN Their Money's Worth. Two men an Englishman and a Scotchman were traveling from "Aberdeen "Aber-deen to London In the tialn. Thoy readied Carlisle without exchanging a word, and during the stoppage there the Englishman got out and had some refreshment. When he got back to hla compartment ho found the Scotchman Scotch-man Bittlnp whero ho had left him, and looking more dour and solemn than over. I "It's a long, wearisome journey." said tho Englishman when the train started, by way of making conversation. conversa-tion. The Scotchman looked at him with an ungry frown. "So It ought to be," he replied, frigidly. "It costs flfty-nlno and nine-pence." nine-pence." London Globe. i His Fear Was Justified. Ono of the cleverest bits of electioneering elec-tioneering dodgery was devised by an agent who had been forbidden to corrupt the electors. Ho called a meetlncr and attended with his pockets pock-ets full of gold. "I have to Inform ou, gentlemen." ho began, "that there Is to be no bribery on our sldo during this election. (Hear! Hear!) For my part 1 do not Intend to give away a penny piece. (Uneasy silence.) But I am afraid there are some rascals ras-cals In this room, and that presently they will lay me on the table and take 500 sovereigns out of my pockets." pock-ets." The next few minutes ho spent upon tho table. London Chronicle. Indications. "John.f said Mrs, Blinks, -uneasily, tho other night, "I am very much afraid that my bank is In a bad way." "Oh, nonsense, my dear arla, nonsense!" non-sense!" 6ald Blinks. "Why, It's one of the strongest financial Institutions in the country. What evor put that uotlon Into your dear old head?" "'Well, lt"s very funny," said Mrs Blinks, still unconvinced. "They've Just returned a check of mine for $23 marked "No Funds.' " Harper's "Weekly Indignation. "Of course, you know that gentleman gentle-man who proposed to you has no Income In-come worth mentioning." ''Yea," replied the grand opera singer. '1 learned It just In time and sent him about his business. The Idea of hjs trying to work his way Into my affection as a deadhead 1" Washington Wash-ington Star. A Helping Hand, Aged Derelict Excusln' the liberty of askln' of a faor, mum, but would yor object to mo commlttln sooeyslde In your abed? Soft-Hcarted Woman Poor man, you hod better come up to the house and I will give you tho remains of my Christmas pudden'.-Mdeas. Always Busy. ' 'And you are really settlement workers?" work-ers?" interrogated the housowlfo as she handed each of the wanderers a wedge of plo. "Yes, mum," responded tho dusty spokesman, with a low bow, "we work every settlement we come to." Chicago Chi-cago News. Thought In Vein. "Did you ever try the advice, Think before you speak," a girl asked a young chap at an afternoon tea. "Oh, yes, often," he replied. "And how did It work?" she asked "I forgot what I was going to say." ho answered. St. Louis Globe-Democrat Parental Sacrifices. "I suppose you enjoy hearing your daughter perform on the piano'" "Xo; replied Mr. Cumrox; "when ever she plays anything I enjoy I know It ain't the classical sort her Instructors Instruc-tors Insist on and have to reprove her." Waahlngton Star. On the Ties. First ThcHpIan Walking homo' Second Thesplnn Yes, the railroad earn arc Insufficiently heated. New York Sun. Refined. Johnny Pa, what Is manipulation for the riso., Pa When I pull tho covers oft you In the. morning. HarDer'B Bazar. |