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Show Stingy, Not Pious. Teung Ilareld wu late in atten-' atten-' dance for Sunday school and the mla-1 mla-1 later Inquired (he caime. "I waa going Ushlnfr, but father ' would not let me go," announced too ' lad. "That's the rltfit kind of a father 1 to have." replied the reverend gentle-1 gentle-1 men. "Did he explain the rcaaou why 1 he wo.ld net let you go?" "Yes, sir. He said there wasn't bolt enough for two." Harper's Maga-alDe. Maga-alDe. Different 6pecies. For some time past Willie's physical physi-cal condition had worn on the teach-er'a teach-er'a nerveg, until finally her fine sensibilities rebelled and she sent the lad heme with a note to his mother, saying: 'Tlease give Willie a bath; his odor is obnoxious." The following day the boy appeared appear-ed at school and banded the teacher this note from hla futher: "W.llle ain't no geranium leara him; don't smell blni." A Mechanical Liar. "Eureka! Hill! I've Just worked out an Invention that will save me a lot of trouble." "What Is It?" "A phonograph attachment for my office telephone that will say la my voice when the phone lings: 'Yes, Mary, I'm stl'l here. Now don't bother both-er nie, for I'm busy. Good bye." She Knew Where They Were. 'Hubby," announced Mrs. Stylover, "I'm going downtown tomorrow morning morn-ing to see the new hats." "You forget," her husband reminded remind-ed ber. 'Tomorrow Is Sunday and. the stores will be closed." "Who said anything about stores?" ' she aaked. "I'm going to church." r Funny Makeup. "That's your wife across the ball, ' tsn it?" 1 "The one who la laughing. Yea." "They tell me she baa a keen sense of humor." ! "Yes. Hut, believe me, she Isn't nearly aa funny as that bobble makea ber look." Cleveland Plain Dealer. The Stronger Sex. "Cholly and Algy participated In a disgraceful affair In a cafe." . "Anybody hurt?" "No." "Then what waa disgraceful about itr "Why, a couple of waitresses held them apart." Washington Herald. , 8he Didn't Understand. "I am In the seventh heaven of de-llpht," de-llpht," exclaimed the groom aa they marched down the aisle. "Why, Henry." pouted the bride, "1 thought you told me you had only ' been married five times." Kansas City Journal, r r The Suffragette. "How are you going to vote thla ' falir "I Jut don't know! My dress-maker dress-maker has been ill and I haven't a thing to wear!" h Futurist Expert. A lady vlalUng tbe studio of postimpresalonlHt "Now, that surely Is one of your beet works hanging on that nail there?" she said. "Oh, that." explained the master, "Is my palette." London Rystander. Some Romancer. "What's the matter, old man? Yon seem to have bad a sudden sborkr "A evere one. I aaked my barber If I didn't need a hair cut and b aald no. littsburg I;tpuh. Willie Knew. I'ncle Tete Willie, can you tell m what comes alter eleven? Willie Twelve. fncle Pete Good! Now, what eomee after twelve? W:iUe Father, from the club. g Gymnastic Stunt. s Harbour. You seem warm; have e you been exercising? Waterman. Yea, Indeed. I went te the mutea dance and swung dumb belles around all evening. Mlchl G alette. |