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Show &he Funny ljide of -tftife'. UNLUCKY. Thcro nre men who necr roUlcr. Yet lead unsuccesiful lives; The world may be their ojster, Hut they have no oyster Itnucs. New York Time. unit SlMl'I.n WANTS. The Fellow "Are you looking for nny ono that I can help you llndV" The Glil-"l'eihapf. I am looking for n son-in-law for my mother." Princeton Tiger. TAKING NO CIIANCi:S. First Urchin "Yer n chump tej spend yer Inst nlckle fer inlnco pie." Second Ilrchlii "G'wnnl Don'cher know It's n disgrace ter die rich?" New York Sun. ., ' A ItAINY DAY ItACE. 'jf' "So you lost again" , "Of course." "Couldn't the horse you bet on run" "Yes. He could run very well. Hut ho couldn't swim." Washington Evening Even-ing Star. -; A HAD START. "I suppose," he said, "It would he useless for mo to usk you to be my wife." "It would," she replied, "If that's, your style of going about It." Chicago itccord-IIerald. . Ji DISMAL. "Remember," said the optimist, "every "ev-ery day'll be Sunday by and by." "Yes," groaned the pessimist,, "and I'll bet there'll be morning and evening services right along, too." Chicago Record-Herald. " lu!tAai. GOOD HKASON. Jobb "Did old Cumrox: give nny reason for not nllowlug his daughter ito marry you" I.otts (gloomily) "Yes; ho said ho jwna afraid he couldn't Mipport mo In the stylo I was accustomed to." TWO 3IISSKS. "Living In tho country now, eh" "Yes." "Don't you miss the early morning nolso nnd bustle of tho city" "Well, when I miss the 7.03 train I do." Philadelphia Press. COURSM OF TRUH LOVE, ETC. Esther "I suppose yon would call tho llrowsters n perfect nintcli. They always net like n pair of lovers." Coiistanee-7"Why, they aro quarrelling quar-relling more than half tho time." Esther "That's what I mean." Boston Bos-ton Transcript, A SOLILOQUY. fh'th, Cliolly "Hero I nm head over heels In debt, nnd tho worst of it Is that tho moro you contract debts tho mora they expand," New York Times. AHSOLUTELY PAST HOPE. "She Is the moat Inconsistent woman I over knew." "Never does what sho ought to or what you expect, eh" "That is just it. Some times 'sho does. Sho Is IncoiiHletcntly inconsistent." inconsist-ent." Now York Times. MEASURING THE TEMPTATION. Judge, (to witness) 'You say you havo Know thu prlhoner nil your llfo" Witness "Yen, your Honor." Judge "Now, in jour opinion, do you think lip could bo guilty of stealing this money" Witness "IIou uiuc'i wns It?" Tit-lilts. |