Show w 4 charles dana Knot ington the itin arant type sticker was weary hun cry 8 and footsore but not diacou discourage rag ed he was a man of many towns a peregrinating bum printer known from kalamazoo mica to butte mont he was not only known of men but hia his acquaintance was wide varied and reminiscent he knew a man who worked with horace greeley and once he had held cases longside 0 lazarus on the butte miner with the he was a man of many ties typographical and railroad in fact his knowledge of great editors and association with swifts was as endless as the railroad ties over which during a nomadic career he had passed on the bumpers thus it was in the course of events he had landed in podunk and sought the usual employment but alas alast the deadly machine had shown its head in the beautiful little city on the squirt let and charles dana 1 norington Knot ington had been turned down the alley alle y wherein once was heard the silent messengers of the gang as they circled ed clicked in the sticks was no more the invention of man with ruthless clank and clang had usurped the bread and butter of or hundreds like charles dana K having been refused work he asked for a panhandle pan handle but the cruel heart of the editor was petrifying fast and Knot ington turned from the office of the podunk pumpkin with sor row in bis his very soul but he was not discouraged had he not successfully combated the stern realities of life innumerable times and exultant rose joyously above the sordid obstacles that barred his print orial way waya aye aye in cleed I 1 it is to th said charlie who nas mas a faithful subscriber to the col ored supplement it is ten miles to Bump erville and no freight train before midnight ere the starry stars burst through the canopy of night he would starve like a common hobo who mho chalked gate posts and begged for bookies odthe of the kitchen mechanics nay nay pauline he would mould not let the gnaw of hunger eat at the vitals of bis his inner self like a rat chewing an old shoe in the garret I 1 philosophically hilo charles dana inot ington tapped his forehead with the index finger of his right hand and sinking down beside a pile of ashes in the back lot of the pumpkin office pulled from his pocket the morning cow bell and began to read Hor horrible riblet what s this mt pelee belee swallowed up a thousand lives livesy life Is but as candles candies snuffed out in the twinkling of an eye the entire island buried in a storm of ashes ASHES the recumbent form of charles dana arose vi vigorously orous ly to a lar figure ashes he be gasped ashes I 1 in a moment he was gone but in the dusky shadows of eventide a dark form might have been seen diligently engaged at the ash pile in the alley back of where the podunk pumpkin had its abstract being and in the next issue of the pump kin appeared this notice A DASTARDS DASTARD S WORK A miserable tramp printer of the name of charlie Knot ington filled several hundred envelopes with ashes and clinkers from some podunk ash heap last tuesday evening and sold them to our inhabitants for ten cents each as souvenirs of mt pelee belee hang ing Is 1 too good tor for such hoboes s but many miles away like sheri dan charles dana Knot ington was calmly smoking a clear sauerkraut leaf cigar in the rear of the office of the strawberry point sweet corn and beside him rose full high an other pile of ash and clinkers or mt alt pelee belee after the eruption st valentines 5 day 1903 has pass ed another rubicon the two little doves contralto ing to each other on a stub tailed twig have been put away in mamie s escritoire with the arrow pierced hearts and the passionate terse of yesteryear and once more we are wobbling along with only our courage to help us get married dan cupid Is recovering from his tion of love making maling and recuperating tor for the time when the redder ins iris comes upon the breast of ro robin bin when the young man mans a fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love and when pa Is better natured because he doesn doean t have to buy more oal and more gasi gas apollo and hymen and venus and cupid have all done their worst with the paper love tokens and once again we are up against the cold cruel problem of getting our spring over coat out mit ot of pawn it Is like leaving utopia to go to the woodshed to split kindling life Is 1 so practical at times it makes us groa grow pessimist ical and long for a false and unfriendly stimulant it Is only those who re boive comic valenti valentines neg alo wl are cot not plunged from heaven to a stranded cab e car in the tsi twinkling ahling of an eye f why all this abuse ot of the meek wil an lowly mule the mule Is a faithful aorl er and no one can gainsay that he sings contralto with fervor anil ani linked sweetness long drawn out I 1 aiming iming in ing was a man who could appreciate a mule and in his description cl of the beautiful and skittish sleepy hoi hol low we firmly believe mention of the mule was omitted merely through over sight his ills mule ship would havi looked well against a background of tall foliage in the heart of the hollow galloping like mad along the highway where the unfortunate ichabod met h b unseemly fate or serenely poking poling his nose over the barnyard fence at the van tassel homestead somehow we he love a mule considering the size of f his ears his feet are so fanciful and t trim rim his coat is 13 so sleek and he is patience on a monument waiting for something to kick att at but we can t blame the mule for kicking the city man kicks at the he janitor the country man kicks at the calves in the cabbage patch and if your ears were as long as a mule a s you would kick also or anyone else you got a chance at A mule wf will 11 do a hard days day a work be chummy all day and calm as a cu cumber just to get a chance to put out the glim of the lantern when the hired man makes his last round foi fol the night at climbing and passing dangerous defiles the mu mule le is safety itself his step is sure and his delivery certain beware of the delivery A mule would make a good billiard player he never misses what he shoots at when a mule crooks his neck around looks at you out of those great solemn eyes of bis his shifts his tail tall slightly to one side as a woman does her skirt when she changes hands to bu a newspaper begin to awaken your confidence when you see the mule throw his ft eight weight on one leg and amass all ids his strength for a string halt movement toss confidence to the winds and dodge that Is it you have time if you haven t time it wont won t make any difference an hour later as a mule always gets what he goes after and the handles on your coffin wont cost any more now than they will in the future when you fall into a tunnel e hole but for all that we love the niale waie ni w ale aie we love him not for his I 1 icking bicking ties but for himself alone when a mere boy we heard a mule sing tor for the first time timet yes we mean that it if he bad had ever sung before he could have done better that time but some how that vocal solo endeared us to the singer and we prefer he hawing any day to a phonograph some time when we become opulent and gouty we are going to have a beautiful home in the suburbs beside the rippling lake ahne there will be flowers and other glad things in the front yard but to the rear will be located a weiner welner smoke house and an army mule that can reach extra upper C if the fish don t bite then it won t be our fault i this cruel war against the absent minded married who are forgetting to have children bids air fair to decrease the pug dog population as well as reduce the waiting list of the old bachelors union celibacy and forgetfulness promise no longer to be popular staid benedicts and buxom dames who have been reveling in the clattery gallop of the society bridle path have been re minded there is nothing in that beau ticul sentiment what is home with out a mother it if there Is no nursing bottle in the domicile and no yowl in the nursery we cant can t have motters ers without babies although we caa can have babies without mothers after the first throes of parentage thus it Is barely possible that the society woman may yet weep tor for jealousy of the mother of sine nine children and a haughty stare and begin to recruit our army ere it is yet too late yesterday we were shouting on with mith the dance to day we are wondering how a hobby horse would look in the front parlor from careless childless tyrants of pleasure we have been snatched like brands from the burning pyre of oblivion and sanctified in the conald aeration of the propagation of a numer umer ous progeny it Is well what we need in this country Is a liberal ratio of one boy to the tail tall of every pug dog in the land and two girls to each pair of curling tongs in the department stores the ratio may not be trul truly commensurate with the needs of the ladies but it assures us of the mas culine aculine gender more taffeta from which to pick our matrimonial troubles lesl down with the thoughtless shame upon the fecund ious lous who would late this country with old maid s cats and curly tailed canines let us awake to our duty the day of revenge Is at hand when we can defy the owner of the apartment house and the autocrat of the fiat flat building do you not hear the children weeping 0 my brothers or nords to that effect the day of atonement Is coming when eleven children a hopeful wife and a cow with a liberal flow of lacteal fluid will constitute the aver age family around which a proud father throws his protecting arms and smiles in the assurance of havig done something for his country his flag and the census enumerator 1 3 I 3 1 the editor of the richfield utah reaper Is so nervous these days ho liti jumps when the fair typo drops a three em era quad or the devil enters his pre presence ence unannounced the reason 1 Is his soa son aged seven seen and one half years has a bow and arrow sent by a loving aunt As a result the I 1 caper famil members are all indians ani ant the boj bo is zealously stalking Etal king them in a mad mhd desire 0 snatch th thir ir caps he ile la is also practicing the william tell racket on his elste pity the poor editor |