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Show SAVED How the Man BY Who THE Loves UFOs By Jim I had reached a crossroads in my life and I wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. Dissatisfied. Confused. Overwhelmed. A certain weariness had come over me. The world was a mess. I was overloading on the 90s. Life itself had lost its relevance. Much of my sluggish anxiety came from the television. The goddamn tv-—one of the most insidious monstrosities ever devised by Man. Day after day, I propped myself up on the couch...my love seat if you can believe it..and watched...The News. It was The News, more than anything else, that was killing me. I had long ago walked gros seeea from situation comedies and nighttime soaps. But I had somehow (ART) rescued me BELL from But despite his humble broadcasting digs, Art is everywhere. Art's guests are from everywhere. Sometimes not even from this planet. Not even from this Time. It is impossible to stereotype his guests. Some nights Bell will interview Nobel Prize-winning physicists about the origins of the universe. He'll debate the Big Bang Theory one night and interview a warlock the next. His style is not combative; he’s not there to humiliate anyone, no matter how preposterous their claims or theories may be. For this he’s been criticized by some scientists who say he recklessly mixes science and science convinced myself that watching...The News was a worthy effort. It’s important to be informed I fiction and ultimately discredits himself and them. Art Bell says, "Lighten up." rationalized and so every day I tuned in to the latest...News. I would watch anything. But it wasn’t News. It was Crap. NBC The way Art looks at it, people are intelligent enough to make up their own minds. Is his show entertainment? Is it educational? It’s up to the listener. He distances himself from the likes of Rush Limbaugh. While Limbaugh proclaims, "I'll do the thinking for you," to his well-named "dittoheads,” Art Bell doesn’t want to tell anybody what to think. News? CNN? Inside Edition? Hard Copy? It was all the same. It was Crap. Finally, I quit. I disconnected my "Reality' Stiles converter, pulled the coaxial cable from the back of the tv and hauled the tangle of wires and electronic hardware But he sure as hell has a damn good time not doing it. to the cable company (for out-of-town readers, if you don’t have cable in Moab, you don’t have tv. There One is zero reception in the Mob Valley). The cable people looked at me with worried concern. "Are you sure you want to do this?" I nodded shakily and went home to contemplate my good deed. topic Washington that Politics. has left During Art the Bell cold height of is the Lewinsky Affair, he wearily and reluctantly allocated a couple of nights to the topic, taking calls on his numerous “open lines." But that was more than he really felt necessary. After his half-hearted token effort, he returned to his usual agenda which didn’t really seem all that weird after the Bill & Monica & I felt lost for about nine hours. That night I was saved by Art Bell. I still remember the day. It was a bit after midnight on the 13th of March, 1997. I couldn’t sleep and desperate for some human contact, I turned on the radio to the AM band. I spun the dial past the endless gibberish of sports talk radio, hate talk radio, and top 40 country music. I considered slashing my wrists. And then I heard something strange and Ken Show. So while you fools were being beaten senseless by the endless gibberish of a full-fledged media sex scandal, I was tuned in to really important stuff... A man from near Seattle, Washington had gone Art: different, drifting in and out between the white hiss Bell: esa for a hike in the mountains one day. His eight year old dog Suzi was having a great time, chasing chipmunks and enjoying her unleashed freedom. bY fake sedeten sce eae author tes aoe! and electronic buzz of distant radio signals... "..going live to Peter Davenport. Strange things are happening in the skies above Phoenix tonight. Peter we're getting reports that this object is a mile wide and moving right over the downtown area." E "That's right, Art. We're tracking these lights all the way across the state. It’s incredible. We've had sightings in Prescott, in Wickenburg...obviously this UFO is moving from the northwest to the southeast at an incredible rate of speed." "OK, Peter...that’s Peter Davenport from the UFO Center with a huge story tonight. Lights over Phoenix and we don’t know what they are. This is Coast-to-Coast, I’m Art bell Suddenly Suzi’s ears perked and she charged up-the trail, barking furiously. At first the man was unfazed by the dog’s hysterics, but as the barks turned to aaron yelps, he became alarmed and ran up the trail after her. As the man reached the crest of the hill, he saw something incredible. His dog was cowering on the ground, still yelping but terrified. In front of the dog, moving so quickly that the image was a blur ("He moved fast like a paint shaker," the man explained.) was a...small being? A child? What? He couldn’t tell for sure. Suddenly the dog let out a scream and began to "implode upon itself." The dog vanished before his eyes. The being stopped and for the first time, the man realized this was no human. Outraged he took a large stick and we'll be right back." And so I found Art and later it seemed strange that it took so long. I’ve been a UFO buff since I was a kid...since a bitter cold night in Brown County, Indiana thirty years ago. I was on a Boy Scout hike when my buddies and I saw a mysterious trio of white lights drift quietly over our heads. Widemouthed, our necks craned skyward, we watched the ‘UFO’ for more than a minute before the mysterious craft disappeared over the treetops. It is the first known murder of an alien being by a man from Seattle. To make it even more interesting, the man took pictures of the dead alien, confirming that extraterrestrials have red blood just like us. Apparently the little guy was not from Vulcan. The photograph is posted on Art’s web site, which had 27 million hits We were terrified. Scared out of our wits. I’d never been happier or felt more alive. It was at. Now, all these years later, I’ve come back to my roots. So what in the hell was that all about? Is the man crazy? Did he make it all up so he could be on Art’s show? Did it really happen? and hit the being in the head and killed it. in 1998. Don’t know. Art Bell’s ‘Coast-to-Coast AM’ airs every weeknight from 11pm to 4am (Mountain Time Zone) and is carried ‘live’ by more than 400 affiliates across North America. Most of those Much of Art Bell’s show is built around the callers who phone in from around the stations broadcast reruns on the weekend. But Art’s show doesn’t originate from a high rise country and around in New York or Los Angeles. No, he does the show from a double-wide trailer in Pahrump, don’t call in to whine about some politician they hate. These guys have serious issues to Nevada, a hundred or so miles north of Las Vegas, and "just over the hill,” as Bell likes to discuss. It sort of goes like this... "Yeah...Art? Is that you?" say, from the top secret military installation Area 51. yy | Knave of Hearts YTIBAKERY 84 West 200 North (Just off Main St. west of the Bowen Motel) in Moab's historical red sandstone building. 259-4116 a fine European patisserie & cafe’ featuring: Espresso, Cappuccino, Caffe Trieste coffees, Danish, Croissants Light lunch & soups, Hand-rolled bagels, French breads, Rye breads, Whole grain breads, Cheesecakes, Fruit tarts, Daquoix, Poppyseed hazelnut torte, Death by Chocolate, Chocolate & mocha genoise cakes, Wedding cakes, Birthday cakes, Muffins & Scones. www.svn.net/camelid/knave com J the planet. And from outside the planet at times. But these people BEFORE WHAT 'SCHNECKEN' CAN DO FOR YOU... Matt used to drink carrot juice and eat wheat grass sandwiches. Then he went to an exclusive: "ALL-SCHNECKEN" diet. And now look!! You too can look like Matt. EAT SCHNECKEN. |