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Show THE ANSWER. L IP ,Curl (In Hip. tinnier foyer) That ghl can't keep alill a minute. Cora No v.undur. Tluiru'a u mirror un either .side of her. . Chronic Eore. Mo who fls off a Hlalu Juke, It.'vold of wit or iniitli. Would make a lilt If he'd choke. And tlniH Kt off the earth. Had No Kick Coming. (J uoat (in restaurant) Say, waiter, 1 ordered a spring chicken, did I not? Waiter Dat am what yo' did, sah. Guest Well, this fowl you brought ma is one of the pair Noah had in the it rk. Waiter Yassah! but yo'-all ain't got no kick comin', sah. Ef dat chicken hadn't bin pow'rful healthy hit wouldn't neber done reach'd dat advanced age, ah. i She Got Them All. "And you say your teacher threatened threat-ened to pull out one of your teeth ev-try ev-try time you disobeyed her?" asked tho uncle. "Yes, sir," replied th; boy. "And did she do it?" "She certainly did." "And now you are afraid to go back to school?" "I'm not afraid to go back; but ' - what's the use? I'm all out of teeth." Tercentenary Means Something. "We are now passing through a neighborhood which has more culture to the square foot than any other part of town." "Well! Well! Everybody about tiere, I suppose, Is a higbrow." "Yes. Why, the people in this neighborhood neigh-borhood talk about Shakespeare as if lie hadn't been dead more than a wecK" Simplicity of It. Speaking with a young lady, a gentleman gen-tleman mentioned that he had failed to keep abreast of the scientific advance ad-vance of the age. "For instance," he said. "I don't know at all how the in-candesivii; in-candesivii; electric light is produced." i "Oh, it is very simple. " said the lady. "You Just press a button and . he light Appears at once." Christian Register. Practiced It. Clerk Do you believe in preparedness? prepared-ness? Clulleit;h Sure! I never go-home lute without having an excuse all framed up." Boston Evening Transcript. Tran-script. Women's or Men's? M.vles This paper says that St. J'liul merchants bought 200,000 hats st one I imp. Styles Well, say; was it around Vaster or election time? BETWEEN STUNTS. Mmmm ; , '? JmJm The Skeleton Bughcuse is in a owr;n:; rase. He says lie is going to sit all over the new freak. The Glass Eeater Is the freak worried? wor-ried? The Skeleton Hardly. He is the "tinman pincushion." A Happy Thought. "Tommy, hjw many times must I lell you to wash your face?" "But, ma. I've just washed it." "Nonsense. One side is covered with dirt." "That's al! right, ma, If you will let fne play on the front veranda I'll keep iha clean side toward the street." The Flivver Soon). "The timber used to build flivvers limy he all right." remarked the Observer Ob-server of Events and Things, "but It iwi't exactly presidential timber." EXCUSABLE NEGLECT. Attorney for Plaintiff You have testified that your conduct toward your wife was always affectionate and tjunct ilious. Now, isn't it a fact fhat you left the house one morning without with-out kissing her good-hy? Perkins (who is defending a separation sep-aration suit on the ground of cruel and inhuman treatment) Yes. sir. Attorney (triumphantly) Ah, I thought so. Now will you tell us why you left your wife without kissing her good-by? Perkins Because she had just hit me in the mouth with a flatiron, and my oscillatory apparatus was temporarily tempo-rarily disabled. Judge. He Knew It Was There. Publisher I have read your manuscript manu-script and will publish It. 1 believe the book is destined to fill a long-felt want. Author (on the verge of starvation) I am glad to hear you say so. By the way, could you advance me $10? Publisher Certainly. But what do you intend to use it for? Author I am anxious to begin filling fill-ing that "long-felt want." A Feeling of Doubt. "Of course, you can't expect to get education for nothing," said Farmer Corntossel. "But I can't help wondering." wonder-ing." "Wondering about what?" asked his wife. "Whether it was worth losin' half a day's work listenln' to our boy Josh arguin' that we ought to say ' 'spara-gus' 'spara-gus' tnstid o' 'sparrowgrass.' " WISE BOY. "I told him I didn't want to see him any more." "What did he do?" "Turned out the light." s Way of the World. Some folks let out an awful groan, When they talk of others' sins; But when the talk turns to their own. Their groans are turned to grins. Considerations Without Weight. "Don't you know that Shakespeare's chirography was poor, and that he spelled his name as his fancy happened hap-pened to dictate?" inquired the Ba-conite. Ba-conite. "1 don't recall," replied the loyal admirer. "I'm an advocate of the use of the typewriter and spelling reform.," Judging From Experience. "Pop, are bald eagles a distinct variety?" vari-ety?" "I can't say positively, my son. but 1 rather fancy a bald eagle is simply a married one." No Rival. . Mrs. Flatbush It is said (hat French phonograph records, made on a recently recent-ly invented cloth, which can be mailed like letters, threaten to rival stenographers. stenog-raphers. Mrs. Bensonhurst Nonsense! Imagine Im-agine your husband being kept at the ollice late by a piece of cloth ! Their Abnormality. "Dark horses have one unnatural quality." "What is it?" "You never hear a nay from any of them." Puzzling. Mrs. Flatbush Does your husband speak any language but English'.' ilrs. Beiisonluii'st I think so. He often speaks a language in his sleep I don't understand. Hunter's Item. Kedd There is a heavy penalty for killing deer out of season iu Maiue, you know. Creene And is there any penalty for killing a guide out of season? Relief in Sight. . "Do you smile when a comedian on the stage says, T feel that I'm going t" sing?' " "Sometimes." "Yes." "As a rule when he makes an announcement an-nouncement like that he la nearing the end of his monologue." Power of Music. Mrs. Flatbush Did you say her husband hus-band has a passion for music? Mrs. Bensonhurst Oh, my yes. Every Ev-ery time she sinjs he Hies into one." |