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Show BE WHAT VOU AM. ' Don't bo what you ain't, Jce be what you la. If you la not what you am. Then you ant not what you Is. If you're juat a little tadpole. Don't try to be a fro. If you're Juat the tall. Don't try to wa the dog. Tou can alwaya paaa the plate. If you can't exhort and preach; If you're Juet a little pehble. Don't try to bo the bach. Don't bo what you ain't, Joa be what you la, For the man who ptaye It square Is a-foln' to set "tie WI8B WILLIAM. Who Is your trading- optimist?" "Ben Sprout, president of our Don't Worry club. w "How does be retain his cheerful die-position?" die-position?" "By persistently refusing- to buy a motorcar." ( WHY HE WAS CURIOUS. V Two dusky devotees of tba Goddess of Chance became Involved In aa altercation al-tercation over a crop game. "Look bean, chile." aald one. "yo trifle wld me an" dere'll be a braaa ban' plsyln' ahead of yo- cyar. wlf yo' de onlleat one not enjoyln' de music." -Ssy yo- so m tr Wow i-bj-os yo'. Is yo' got any conspicuous an' prominent blrfmarks or odder diatln-gul.hln' diatln-gul.hln' means of 'dentlflcation?" "Who. me? Nossuh. h's a lamb wifout spot of blemish. Why Is yo so curious?" "Only dls. Iso wonderln' how. thout dem, Is yo" mammy dwlns rerk-ernlie rerk-ernlie yo" remalna when dey sweeps de pieces up In one H I plate." FIOHTINQ FACTS. It Is better to rive than to grab. It la more blrsaed to accommodate than to accumulate. WHAT TO LEARN. There are five things in life we ought to learn. Here they are: 1 Learn to laugh. A good laugh la better than medicine. (21 Learn to tell a helpful I etory. A well-told story Is as wel. come as a sunbeam In a sick room. (II Learn to keep your troublee to .yourself. The world Is too busy to linger over your Ills and sorrow a. (4 Learn to stop croaking. If you cannot can-not see any good In the world, keep the bad to yourself. (6) Learn to greet your friends with a smile. They carry too many frowne in their hearts to bo bothered with any of youra. Another reason some loafers oppose modern Improvements like cement walks Is that It takes three or four hours after aundown for a cement curb on the east aide of the atreet to cool off aufflclently for elttlng purposes. Even If your town Is a one-horse town you shouldn't holler "whoa" at V It all of the time. CANT TRUST NOBOOY. Tour celebrated prisoner got . awsy?" -Yes." said the rural Jailer. "When . be borrowed my keys and tole mo somebody wanted to aee mo In the alley al-ley on Important busineaar confound his pleter, I knew he wus up to comc-thln'- ,. When you aee a man who never does snything but second the motion, he doesn't amount to much. Mra. Robinson Thsy tslt tna your son Is In the col I eg. football eleven T Mra. Douglas T.a. Indeed. Mra. Robinson Do you know what position he plays? Mra. Sourlaa Ain't aura, out I think he's one of the drawbacke. "Bay, pop, what la .rarity T" '"Gravity, my boy, la a force which brines down everything- In thla world-except world-except prlcoa." A slnrle fly will produce I . -MT.756,100 dsscendsnts. Such being the case, wa wonder how many descendants de-scendants a married fly would produce. pro-duce. Elbow areass never aoilsd any man's shirt. THE MI8SOURI BLUBS. Llttls Paul swst the mule with a maul While stealing with stealth past hit stall: Tha mule put hla heels Where Paul put hla meals And so far as we know that's alL BY WAY OF INFERENCE. "Peaches snd cresm, bacon and saga, dry toaat and coffee," aald the dining car patron, with a conspicuous badge on his coat. "Tss. sir," replied the waiter. . "I want three eggs, mind you, plenty of bacon and a double order of toast." "Tea, sir." repeated the waiter with a grin. "Boee. I'm not aaylng the delegation dele-gation you're traveling with ara drinking drink-ing gentlemen, but you're the first member who'a showed up In the diner thla morning with an appatlta." f Many a houaewlfe would welcome a "Can tha Canvaaaer week." A man talks a lot about supporting hla wife aod then makes her work six-; six-; teen hours a day for her board. The finding of a headless body hss I csused the arrest of an American dent -1 1st. Our experience with dentists Is that the head doesn't really come off; It just feels thst wsy. The modern skirts has fewsr hooks, but more eyea on It. IMPORTANT DEAL ON. "I notice Mr. Orahooln and Mr. Wad-lelgh Wad-lelgh In earnest conversation." "Well?" "Ths financial world trembles st their nod. They are probably talking In terms of millions." - "They msy be, but their very earnestness earn-estness makes me suspect they are swapping bootlef sera - Editor "I don't like this line In which ynu aay. 'He hit the dust.' That's the old Deed-Eye Dick stuff." Author "But I assure you It's all right In connection with my etory. The character referred to waa a mere pedestrian." pe-destrian." "Pleasures." aald Uncle Ex rem. "am much like muehroome. De right kind, am fine, but you has to be on de lookout look-out for toadstools" Tha Iceman la alwaya on time with plenty of Ice on the daye you didn't need lea and forgot to take dawa the lard. . |