OCR Text |
Show Young man - don't be too energetic. ??? current often carries the heaviest part of the stream. It rains alike on the just and the unjust - on the just mainly because the unjust have borrowed their umbrellas. The best book reviewers are those who have the curiosity to read a book and ??? is anything like the notice they have already written and published about it. Mamma: "Why Poppet, all these ??? are bitten. Have you touched them? Poppet: "It ??? last night, and perhaps ??? they're frost-bitten!" Wilkins of the Whitehall ??? says: Kisses are the right kind of smacks to sail down the stream of life with, ??? taking a bus is not bad. Waking Up -- Parson: "Rather ??? weather this, Farmer Jones." Farmer Jones: "Aye, Parson, so it be. ‘Minds [unreadable line] time; don't it?" "Cutting!" - Customer: "I-aw-want my-aw-moustaches dyed." ???: "Yes, sir, certainly, sir. Brought ‘em with you, sir?" A Broadway engraver recently made this mistake. "Mr. and Mrs. -- respectfully request your presents at the marriage of their daughter." There's no special style of engraving engagement rings. A spider's web with a fly in it is a very pretty device. Either party may be the spider. A drunken man at Forth Worth, Tex., entered a circus and patted the big lion on the head. The arm he has left will do to turn a hand organ. "I say," said a dandy to an intelligent mechanic, "I have got an idea in my head." "Well," replied the other, "if you don't cherish it with great care, it will die for the want of companions." About the coolest joke of the season is an inscription painted on a sign board, which just peers above the deep snow drifts in the State House yard, requesting visitors "not to tread on the grass!" "Tom," said a man to his friend, a day or two since. "I think it highly dangerous to keep the bills of small banks on hand now a days." "Tom," answered the other, "I find it is far more difficult than dangerous." A poor loafer on hearing that they charged five dollars a day for board in California said he should go there to live, as he wished to get in some place where he could get his board charged to him. He is not particular about the price. Girls look out! It isn't always the young men who wear the sweetest smiles and nearly break their necks making earth pleasant for you during the courtship season; who are the quickest to get up of a cold morning and build a fire during married life. "Pa," said a little boy, "a horse is worth a great deal more, isn't it, after it's broke?" "Yes, my son. Why do you ask such a question?" "Because I broke my new rocking-horse you gave me this morning. Capability Brown was George III's head gardener and exercised within his domain autocratic rule, which, while fully admitted?, was secretly resented. In course of time Brown died and the king made haste to visit his emancipated gardens. "Ha! John!" said His Majesty to the working gardener, gleefully rubbing his hands, "now that old Brown is dead you and I can do as we please!" "Ish dere some ledder here for me?" inquired a German at the general delivery window of the Post Office, the other day. "No, none here," was the reply. "Vhell dot is queer," he continued, getting his head into the window; "my neighbor gets sometimes dree ledders in one day, and I get none. I bays more taxes as he doss and I have never got one ledder yet. How comes dose dings?" "Massa says you must sartain [certain] pay de bill to-day," said a negro to a New Orleans shop keeper. "Why, he isn't afraid I'm going to run away, is he?" was the reply. "Not exactly dat, but look a here," said the darkey, slyly and mysteriously. "He's gwine to run away heself, an' darfore wants to make a big raise." The Religious Herald of Richmond gives rather a questionable consolation. A Virginia subscriber writes as follows. "You are publishing the obituaries of the Georgia and Alabama preachers, but seem to have no space for ours." The editor replies, "Bear with me. Your time will come soon, we hope!" "I was trying the other day," says M. Labouchere, "to present two farmers going to law over a property left to be divided between them, and, as one of them was a good Bible Christian, pressed on him the amicable arrangement come to between Lot and Abraham. "Aye, sir," said he, with a sly smile. "That Lot was a crafty old fellow. He took all the water meadows to his share." I realized the danger of applying biblical examples to modern times." |