OCR Text |
Show when tho Hannibal local came rolling in be stood there gaping, watched It hiss aud stoam and finally pull out. "I thought you was goln' to St. Louis on that train?" shouted the station sta-tion agent, thrusting his head through the window. "I was," answered tho youth, "but they didn't put dovn any gangplank." SL Louis Post-Dispatch. Gone Before. Tenn Do you see anything of our old friend Grover? Laat time 1 saw him he said he didn't like New York. Gothamltc That's so. but I guess he'd rather be In New York than where he Is now. Penn Where is he now? Gothamite I wouldn't care to say. Tie's dead. Catholic Standard and Times. Two Dilemmas. "I wan't to see you Just a minute," says the lady at tho lttoru of the steps, "but this hobble skirt is so tight I can't climb the stairs. You come out, won't you?" "I would if I could, but this new hat of mine Is too wide to go through the doorway," sighs the one on the Inside. Life. Did Not Know Him. Wadtighter (who has Just been asked for the price of a night's lodging) lodg-ing) I wish those beggars would leave rne alone. Mclntlniatte They wr.uld If they knew you as well as I do. Chicago News. " The Last Resort. "Why do you make that patient wait three hours ever yday in your ante-room?" "He needs rest," explained the doctor, doc-tor, "and that is the only way I can compel him to take 1L" Courier-Journal. JUST FOR FUN While He Spoke. Tho gentleman with the well-fed appearance, ap-pearance, who had motored over from the nearest town to deliver bis lecture, lec-ture, "The Art of Getting On," in the village school house, concluded with a line burst. "Effort is the keystone of success." he said. "The successful man Is the mau who strives persistently. Ills motto Is 'Push and keep pushing,' for 'by that, and that alone, he reaches his goal." Iic-fore the bulk of the audience mado much headway with their clapping clap-ping a small man at the hack got In a laugh that might have come from a megaphone. The lecturer held up his hand for silence. "You, too, niv friend, will have to push." he commenced "Soil you, I reckon," interrupted the small man; "there's 'ajf a dozen youngsters 1een pinchin' tho petrol out of yer motor' tar ter light a bonfire, bon-fire, cocky!" Tit lilts. Sold. A well-known German, who is something some-thing of a wag. walked Into one of the public olficcs In Cincinnati the other day, and lroni the noise It was plain he was wearing a pair of new shoes, or one.1 that had recently been repaired. re-paired. One of tho clerks remarked about the shoes aud tbe German said: "I comes pretty near soiling dese shoos the other day." "How la that?" asked the clerk "I had 'em half soled," said the German, Ger-man, as he walked out of the office. A deep groan waa heard as he j slipped through tho door. Cincinnati Commercial Tribune. Apparent Disagreement. Oldcomrnvtte I've been living in Suburbanvillo now for about three years. Newcommuttc Three years? Why, the other day you told me that you had moved there five years ngo. Oldcommute That's all rlht; hut jou must remember that I have lived about two years on the trains going and coming. Chicago News. Now One on Him. A jouth from Calhoun county, 111., which has uothiug but steamboat transudation, came over to Elsberry, Mo., the other day to catch a Burlington Burling-ton train to St. Louis. He had never soeu a train, and ( |