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Show the utahi CMTCPPPIQCl PRAGMATIC DOGMATICS- - . i ' : The crossing guard controversy I condemned to perform including surgery." By Kent Shearer Wiili their usual perspicuity. Salt Lake City fathers have decreed that those who speed limn i'll school .ones henceforth will be sentenced to mandatory terms as school crossing guards. As might he antic ipated. this decision has provoked lively discussion among the motley crew of bankers, lawyers, stock promoters, advertising executives, and insurance men who daily gather at Ben's Continental Bank Coffee Shop. 200 South Main Street. Salt l.akc. "It's complained a banker. We've just adopted an all volunteer army, and now we compel misdemeanants to be school crossing gendarmes." "That isn't what bothers me." rejoined an advertising man. "so much as the whole concept. It's like saying that a person who speeds through a hospital one shall be i 'I a 1 m wr services, to its logical conclusion, one who tears down West Second South will be sentenced to be a pimp." not a Congressman." unw orthily. II said a secretary, "Ihink for a moment of the poor kills." suggested a lawyer. "What if their crossing is guarded by a speeder who also is a misopacd- - ist." "Sex perverts might actually speed to get kind that of job." observed the secretary. "We let their sort teach our children, blit won't judges actually will send a pedophiliac to IF - IMRFRIAUSM- 1 1H6 IMfl5RIAUSI5 R5FV The ARE HCZTAOeS TO lSOU F16ftTgl&.- guess you've got a point." acknowledged the lavvver. "But I'm worried about one thing. What is the punishment for other offenses, such as drunken driving?" "In this municipality." explained the ad man patiently, "drunken motorists are sent to City Hall where they are employed to draft things like crossing guard ordinances." all. " A child hater. You know , a W.C. Fields tpe. One of those guys might embark the little folks into the teeth of heavy traffic." OUR H0&TA66S I0E ARF FP0SPDM "Well. "A what?" asked WO) ARE MOT te&dr&is. escort them to and from school." "You people have it all wrong." proclaimed a stock broker. "You don't recognize a golden opportunity when you see one. What belter situation for an attorney to ambulance-chas- e than as a crossing guard. Ditto for all of us who sell services or products, .lust ask cvcrv one of the little buggers for their daddy's name and phone number, mark it down, and then work over the list. Any time business gets slow. I'm going to make it a point to speed through school zones." "carried cra." t medical "Or." interjected an insurance agent, I ; y peoples' u, - 101 WiOiuee t&SFW9BW FOR YOUR vems. It t i 12-II- pm F W IF W WS JHFERIAW&T5 6M TO OUR 0EWW5 VO) tOtiU tinfitJtytmr. IM ' REVauriOW9V COMMUNICATION ftoe itfweew, B5D eoteeviep for uooo, outers toe 15 are your ZEueieep. mr OUR OEXr CtMS KILL WO, ARE YOUR 0RCR6RS. B6 vysfccww ueemroRS. BUM YOU UP FIRST. j Strange goings on in Houston j z by Parker M. Nielson t- oQ. V i DC LU The Mormon Church is incensed that a statement circulated to the press at the IWY Convention in Houston linked it with "radical" right wing groups, including the John Birch Eagle Forum. Society, and Klu Klux Klan and the The Church objected to being lumped with groups which sought to disrupt IWY proceedings and take over state delegations. The Church said its involvement was limited to encouragwith the issues and ing its members to acquaint themselves such as in Utah where participate in various state conventions, the largest turnout of any convention in the country was recorded. It was only coincidental, we arc to believe, that the Utah women voted for an almost exclusively Mormon delegation and against ERA, abortion on demand and lesbian rights (issues which have also been opposed in statements of high Church motif which also happens " officials) and adopted a to be consistent with the Church policies. The appointed "at large" delegates from Utah have claimed that the elected delegates arc not representative of Utah women: that the state convention was rigged by Church forces which neither understood nor cared about the issues. Georgia Peterson and her elected Utah delegation, on the other hand, claim that it is the national IWY Convention that was forces, and that her group is representative rigged by anti-ER- A "pro-family- O O pro-ER- A of American women. These arc women's issues and perhaps I should stay out of it. It is, nevertheless, interesting to note the strong support which was shown the elected Utahns in Texas and speculate on its implications. Many of the elected Utah delegates and the 150 Utahns meetings were met at the airport attending the rival "anti-IWY- " and chauffcurcd to their hotels and official functions by Texas women. The "at large" delegates arrived in a different plane and were not greeted by a Texas delegation. Texas women volunteered to staff the booth of the elected Utah delegates featuring statements about a womans role in the home, but they were offended when they mistakenly arrived at the display of the Utah IWY Committee, which portrayed Utah women of different ethnic groups at work. A large number of Mormon women from the LDS stakes in the Houston area also attended the anti-IWmeetings, and the entire elected delegation from Utah was feted at a dinner by the anti-IWgroup. Coincidentally, the Texas women who appeared at the airport, supplied lodging and staffed the booth were also Mormon. Also coincidentally, the elected delegates included Belle Spafford, long time president of the Mormon Relief Society. The Convention ended on an emotional note, with obviously sensitive Mormon delegates, perhaps unaccustomed to "hard ball" politics, crying as a plank was adopted. Georgia Peterson, who had instructed the Utah delegates to refer all "issue related" questions to her for answers, and who said she had worked on her minority report at home before the convention even started, objected that the convention was not open and will object to Rosalynn Carter over Y Y pro-aborti- on its feminist bias. Mormon women got their cue from But those somewhere. If it was not from church directives and I do not suggest that it was then the church should launch an inquiry into who has abused its offices, how and why. anti-femini- st |