Show 1 G MG N N. N R. R A traveler to the north having delIvered de- de lIvered fevered his luggage to the care of an alert lert railway porter proceeded to tomake tomake tomake make himself comfortable In the corner corner corner cor cor- ner of ot a first-class first smoking compart compart- I nent mente The porter having performed his ils duty came to the carriage to report report re- re port ort not without expectation of ao- ao reward Well said the passenger I seeby see seo by y the letters G N. N R R. on your cap Gratuities never received Not quite that sir replied the porter orter touching his cap peak It might mean Gratuities never refused re re- fused used And tho way that porter smiled when he ho left tho the carriage betokened betokened be be- his satisfaction at the material material mate- mate rial lal result of his smart answer and ho tho service ho had rendered Scraps He Knew the Painless Process The bald man had bad just come in and was still wearing his hat He looked up p from his desk at the thin young callerI caller caner I have here sir said the latter glibly a preparation for removing superfluous su- su hair It removes It thorough thorough- y ly y and painlessly Yes Interrupted the bald man wearily I know the process My hair air he be added as he took off his hat was was removed In the same way Public Sets the Gait Winks Winks Winks-Don't Don't Dont you think editors and reporters ought to be requested to sign their names to their articles Jinks Jinks No Editors and reporters are re not responsible for Cor what they write Who are then 7 The people who buy the papers New ew ew York Weekly Reversed The wise men tell us said the star tar boarder that the less we eat the ic longer we live Yes replied the octogenarian boarder carder whose diet was limited to milk and oatmeal and I also notice that hat the longer we live Uve the less we weaL eat aL For Minor Heiresses Have you a copy of or Burkes Burke's Peerage Peerage Peer age you could loan me I believe theres there's an old copy cavy kickIng kicking kick- kick Ing ng around What do you want with it IU t Just a little scheme Im I'm thinking of f compiling a order mall catalog of oC bargain dukes WHERE BEAUTY COUNTS I el s t S v iF 1 I f NIL Good looks dont don't amount to anything anything any- any thing hing after all They dont don't Well just come round roundo to o or- or boarding That's the place where the fellow with side whiskers gets the biggest piece of pie I I Wooden Courtship I I pine for you the young man cried She Bhe took him unawares Spruce up Spruce up I ere ero papa comes cornea Hes He's lumbering up the stairs stairs' The Immortal Sherlock oJ Any clew Only a broken window shutter said Dr Watson What do do you make of that Sherlock I cant can't say yet answered the great detective He may have left it as a blind A Warning So Gazzam died suddenly Was It the heat Well incidentally Well Incidentally What do you ou mean by incidentally incidental ly IY He kept asking people If It was hot enough for them Driven to It It Johnny positively refuses refuses' to wash his ears Then we must resort to heroic measures Drop a postal for one of at these vacuum-cleaning vacuum wagons to call p Perfectly Harmless A poet writing of or his bis lost love says I kiss your memory I shouldn't think there would be much danger from germs ins ini in s i JoIng that that 4 A Complete Change You need a mental rest Stop cussing cussing- pennant prospects But doctor doctor It No argument now Talk golf gal for awhile Instead of baseball Drastic Criticism of today the tho show Z Io I How did you Great There wasn't a bad film In fn Inthe Inthe the bunch SONG OF THE The said eald said ha he haI heI I ride on the tho auto free tree When Whon the tho risks are rash And they scorch and smash Right flight there on the Job Ill I'll be bel belThe belThe I IThe The sold said said h he I swim In the lake lako or see nee When the wight Beyond his depth has fared I follow upon his lee The said enid said eald he I I 1 bend to the oar with gleo glee When the boat Is 18 rocked And the world la Is shocked I listen to no DO ones one's plea The sold said said laid he Some fly without sight of me Drat the pesky things things- Im I'm afraid of wings And that's the truth Our Own Minstrels Wot am de Wal- Wal cah kah tween graft fm a dive- dive keeper an an de fm a bond I dont don't know Sam Sara what IS the difference between collecting graft from rom a dh dl keeper and detaching the coupons from a government bond D one am a tariff fur Cur an an de am a tear off fur tur only Ladles Ladies and gentlemen the brass lunged basso Sig Emitz de Growells will Ull now sing a selection entitled You Smoke Em George and Yet You Live How Sad REAL TALENT l t tV tI I V 11 II III I I I II 11 Old Gentleman Gentleman So So hes he's your lit brother eh He seems to be a fa abright abright bright little chap The Kid proudly proudly Bright Bright You bet he is Cuss fer de gent Jimmy The Kind The flypaper lay on the tho table Where all could plainly see Could It speak probably say There are no files flies on me Which Is Different The editor was trying to placate an indignant statesman All we said about you In fn the paper Mr he assured him was 1 that you seemed to have an inadequate sense of proportion N Not t by a blamed sight roared the caller What you said about me was that I seemed to have an Inadequate proportion of sense sense Down to Facts Did you ever get a diamond ring at atthe atthe atthe the seashore Dont make me laugh But Ill I'll tell tel you what did happen What Of A Ce fellow low 1 I was engaged to once oner bought me an Ice cream soda A Doubtful Scheme Gyer An Gyer-An An English scientist proposes proposes pro pro- poses to do do away with those London fogs Myer How Myer-How How Is he going to do it G Gyer By Gyer-By By erecting skyscrapers allover at aU over the city POLITICALLY Y 1 r Wiggins Wiggins-I I tell you that a fellow who wants to get along these days must have some push about him HIggins I I know a good many that are doing so 50 because they have a D pull lull He Was It When bought ht a Q golden brick His heart was filled tilled with rage By grass rass said Bald he I sure hey hev reached What's called a green old age aco ago Not for Them Why are arc the sad sea waves moaning moan moan- ing tag on the shore Z Probably because thy realize tha they will never get any closer than they are at the present moment to that girl in Jn a well kwell bathing suIt sulL Amusement Note ote Anything entertaining booked In ID Inthe inthe the city for or the fall 7 Oh yes The successful dramas drama which have made a hit this season ir In New Now York and C Cl Chicago so some ne ntH new V arts acts and t Do no MI 11 ulai |