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Show IS LIFETIMES June 23. 1991 Hilltop Times Suicide survivors need simple, honest support friend's son, one woman asked her friend to help make a dress. "Everyone was still taking care of her meals and she had a lot of time on her hands. I really needed a dress for Easter, so I asked for help," the woman by Donna Davis Hilltop Times staff writer 66 "We call ourselves survivors of suicide not because we've attempted suicide ourselves, but because we're trying to survive the suicide of someone we loved," said Don Bezoski, formerly on the board of directors of "Legacy," a support group for families and friends of suicide victims. Mr. Bezoski, a retired Hill AFB worker, found the son six years ago. Hie boy had body of his teen-agshot himself. The support group Mr. Bezoski works with receives three to four calls a month from Weber County alone from someone like Mr. Bezoski who is struggling to cope with the suicide of a friend, spouse or child. "It's the questions that can never be answered that haunt the survivors," said Pat Ericksen, a worker in the Contracting Directorate who lost her husband to suicide. "You have to make up the answers maybe it was a mental problem, or alcohol" "A big hurdle is the guilt. This person I love chose to die. Why?" said Mr. Bezoski "Notes don't usualYou spend a lot of ly say why they say good-by- Having friends, someone to help you, makes all the difference. But you also really need someone who's been through it before. e 99 said. "I decided in advance that if the dress didn't get done it wouldn't matter, but it gave us something to do together while we talked. It meant there was a specific time each week that she knew I would be coming. We also planned in advance what time I'd be leaving so that it wasn't an unending emotional strain for me either." "I didn't want people to tell me they knew how I felt," Ms. Ericksen said, "but when people would touch me, or tell me they were sorry, or tell me they remembered Ralph, it helped so much. I didn't want to be treated like I had the plague." Pat Erickttn Suicid survivor "My wife got me through it," said Mr. Bezoski. "She believes in hard work and keeping the mind busy. That's what she encouraged me to do in order to survive. "There was a big pile of dirt out by a drainage ditch on our property. When nothing else would work, I'd just shovel that dirt. I must have moved it three or four times." A support group is also essential, said Ms. Ericksen. "Having friends, someone to help you, makes all the difference. But you also really need someone who's been through it before." Every person has different needs after a suicide, so friends should be creative in addressing those needs. A few weeks after the suicide of a seamstress e. time wondering. "You can't forget, but you can put it to the back of your mind," said Mr. Bezoski. A new interest is one help, said Ms. Ericksen, whose involvement in suicide prevention began as therapy and became a new motivating force in her life. At the same time, it is important to give space toi those who grieve. "There's really nothing anyone can do. Don't hover. Be verbally supportive. Don't be afraid to use the person's name," said Ms. Ericksen. The anniversary of the suicide is a time when family and friends need to offer support. "I spent nearly a month dreading this horrible! event. It was easier than I anticipated but still so very hard," said Ms. Ericksen. "Don't just help a person in the few days following the suicide, but try to anticipate difficult times and be there in simple, honest ways." roifo STfilSSd UT TKUCK SALE MOT? The Family Support Center con help. tfLL PRICES j: Most parents love their children but even the most loving parents may have times of stress. It is at those times parents are most likely to take their frustrations out on their children. The Davis family Support Center in Clearfield is available to assist families in times of trouble and to strengthen parenting skills and family ties. c J Crisis Child Care Crisis Counseling Prevention education Children's Therapy Parent education $ Davis family Support Center 1360 . 1450 So., Clearfield 776-454- 10,468 fej $30G0 p VJ DISCOUNTED OFF MSW $6905 MARK MILLER TOYOTA Rl180West 0 SLtfSB-flED- ! 364-210- 700 South DOWNTOWN 0 LTU SPA MEMBERSHIP til 4 1 x rtMe'a 3 MONTHS 3419 Riverdale Rd. 3 MONTHS LIMIT) BUILD EVERYDAY Aerobics Weight Pools Steam Rooms Basketball Sun Deck Room Special Size Mattresses TWIN SIZE SETS Start at EnmorocsETi Fitness SPA 773-622- 0 West of McDonald's 5385 So. 1S50 West Roy 0 lIllllllST&ffi TONING TABLES (NO 621-415- Kings, Queens, Fulls, Twins. Ua (F-- CO-E- D Ogden 1 OHO Supporter Set) QUEEN SIZE SETS Start at $1 (F-- 1 99 Supporter Set) any set this week & receive a Buy sturdy Metal bed frame rllCC: Up to $50 value (king size OPEN DAILY 10 AM TIL 7 PM CLOSED SUNDAYS |