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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Pamela Wants to Be Popular (Bel Syndicate WOT Service.) if B r? 0 QD D fy$ J K : H- There's one girl and one man who are breaking my heart. By KATHLEEN NORRIS PAMELA wants to be popular. pop-ular. She works downtown down-town in a lawyer's office; she maintains a bachelor-girl bachelor-girl establishment with another an-other girl; she is 26, pretty , enough, smart above the average, but not popular. "My manner isn't shy, because i take good care it shan't be," writes Pamela. "But way deep down in I'm shy. I know men like my looks, but a lot of them are shy, ! too, I guess except the married ! ones. The only attention I've ever had is- from married men, and that , doesn't mean much. The younger men in our office, and I could fall in love with at least three of them, will stop at my desk to dictate a let- ter, ask me if I've seen this picture or that, recommend a good murder story if they see a book on my desk, . and then pause by some other girl's i desk for three or four words that j drive me perfectly mad with be-I be-I wilderment and I suppose jealousy, i I mean they will say to some really I less-attractive woman, 'Fun at that ; crazy restaurant last night, wasn't it?' or 'Crazy about the new hairdo,' or 'How about Tuesday, honey?' Too Tense Among Men. "Why don't they do that to me? But of course I know why. I know . I'm stiff, awkward, stupid with men. I clear my throat and get red and say things I don't mean to them. My clothes are right, but they're just a little TOO right. Clean, neat, dowdy, correct. When I ought to shut up I giggle and chatter chat-ter and when I ought to break a silence si-lence I can do nothing but swallow and stammer. But girls like me, and I know I amuse them, and as I say married men always seem to understand me and I can talk to them. "Now, what I can't understand," the letter goes on, "is the sort of girl who attracts men and always has lots of attention. They seem to make no effort. Brainless little fools who can't spell are trotting off for lunch with the nicest men in the office; murmuring and blushing and having a glorious time. Resents Being Overlooked. "There's one I didn't mean to get this far, but I rriay as well admit it there's one girl and one man who are breaking my heart. The man is my immediate boss, but in a corporation cor-poration as enormous as this that doesn't mean he's so very high. But he's sweet and big and clean and smart and I like him terribly. The girl is named Lola, she's an uneducated, noisy little thing with badly dyed hair in a wild mop, but whatever she is or isn't he likes her, and she can actually play fast and loose with the dates he tries to make with her; maybe she can go tomorrow tomor-row night, maybe she can't. If he marries her she will wreck his life, leave him in a few years and take his child with her, and it seems as U I couldn't bear it. Why WILL men fall for girls like that, and never see other girls who really have background and education and code and the love of home and family behind them?" Well, that's an old, old problem, Pamela, and until men solve it Reno will continue to be flooded by pretty, empty-headed little wives who think nothing of breaking vows and ruining ruin-ing children's lives. Girls' Uneasiness Affects Men. Your predicament is not a new one, either. You say your manner Is not shy, but shy or not it is awkward awk-ward and uneasy, and that infects men instantly with something of the same discomfort. Perhaps you think too much of the PROBLEMS OF A STENO Both single and married men pay her attentions during working hours. Pamela is puzzled by reactions of men in the office where she works. She writes Miss Norris to ask if she says the right things to become popular pop-ular with certain men. And she wonders won-ders why girls less attractive than herself, receive more attention from the most desirable men. Kathleen Norris answers Pamela with her usual helpful advice and clarity of thought for any social problem. impression you are making on them, and too little of the innate qualities that your manner represents. Charm Is an elusive thing to describe, because be-cause it means very real qualities, it means heart, soul, mind, character, char-acter, training, self-discipline. With enough of these things any woman is equipped to face life and its changes confidently; she KNOWS she will find friends, win the man she wants, make a success of herself. her-self. Cultivate Charm. But in your case I wouldn't worry about these casual and temporary conquests. Ignore them for the time being, and devote yourself to the cultivation of charm. Get interested, interest-ed, genuinely, in life, and life will get interested in you. Charm means personal freshness, pleasantness of manner, alert understanding un-derstanding and sympathy for everyone about you. It means that when you are sitting at your desk, idle for a moment between tasks, you are half-smiling; it means that you keep up with your reading on current topics and keep away from tactless controversy and loud-voiced expression of opinion. If you happen hap-pen to be made of crusader 6tuff that is of course something else again; crusaders rarely have charm. To attract the man you like to you make no visible effort. But whenever when-ever you get a chance to speak to him have something to say that will immediately draw his attention from the fact that he and that rather rath-er standoffish Miss Brown are actu-. ally talking together. Years ago a certain shy little member of my family used to start off to dances after asking me seriously: "Tell me three things to say to my boy." Think of three things to say to yours. If it is only, "Weren't you caught in that downpour yesterday?" or, "Is this new time schedule going to mean you have to take an earlier train from Pelham?" or "Did you hear the nice news of the Smith baby?" it will answer the purpose. And if, after a monosyllabic reply you have to begin again, plunge in courageously. "My sister and I were in Brooklyn when that storm started, my mother lives over there. You know, in the Library neighborhood. neighbor-hood. We live in town, but Mother expects us every Saturday" and so on, easily and carelessly, just as if you were talking to a woman, until un-til he picks up the conversation I again. Act Friendly Unembarrassed. If the shy woman, who feels stiff and tongue-tied with men, could only remember that talking to a newly met man is just like talking to a new woman acquaintance, her whole manner and attitude would change. Girls like Pamela never dread meeting meet-ing other women; they know that their approach will be friendly and unembarrassed. Try that same friendly lack of embarrassment ! upon the man you want to attract i Pamela; try it on all men. And at j the same time deepen your own character into kindness, interest, un- derstanding of those about you. and by the infallible magic of charm you ; will not only get your man, but everything else you want in the world. |