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Show H A-19 The Park Record Sat/Sun/Mon/Tues, January 21-24, 2017 EARD AROUND THE WEST A collection of obscure and absurd tidbits and stories from around the region. By Betsy Marston High Country News The West Messy truck spills for the year 2016 were mapped by an innovative website called Atlasobscura.com, and the West hosted quite a few outstanding mishaps. In Utah, dozens of live pigs were “launched” onto a road near St. George, and in Colorado, 60,000 pounds of expired Miller Genuine Draft beer “almost flew out of the side” of a semi-truck onto Interstate 70. In Montana, 30,000 pounds of used cooking grease and 200 gallons of fuel splashed all over a road near Helena, while in Whitewater, California, an August accident resulted in $5,000 worth of ice cream melting rapidly on the hot black asphalt. In Washington, 27 tons of chicken manure sent cars skidding until workers could clean up the mess and sand the road, while a frozen food truck in Oregon literally spilled the beans after a train rammed it from the back. A crash on Interstate 25 in New Mexico exploded a full load of soda “out of the front of the tractor trailer.” But Mesa, Arizona, takes the cake, or maybe the caca, for a “putrid scene.” After a truck transporting Porta-potties and a septic tank full of human waste crashed and rolled over, a mess of nasty liquids got sloshed all over the road. If only a tractor-trailer carrying 29,000 pounds of toilet paper and paper towels had happened by. And in fact there was an accident that dumped those very paper products on the highway. Unfortunately, it happened too far away to help; the paper products were spilled near Elk Grove, California, after a tractor-trailer hydroplaned and crashed. Times article, Timothy Egan reprised a choice remark about our nation’s faithless relationship with Native Americans: “Consider how Jon Stewart once described the national holiday just passed. ‘I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.’ ” Also on a holiday note, Grand Canyon educator Marjorie “Slim” Woodruff tells us that she’s spent the last 20 Christmases at Phantom Ranch, at the bottom of Grand Canyon on the Colorado River. When a friend asked if she should take her 8-year-old son down the 9.3-mile-long Bright Angel Trail this winter, Slim said, “I told her I started taking my son when he was 4. But he never comes home for Christmas any more, so she could make of that what she wished.” In Texas, Craigslist helped a house-trained bison named Bullet find a new home, reports the Dallas Morning News. Karen Schoeve, a court reporter, said her 1,100-pound pet had a great personality and acted more like a dog than a bison. What’s more, “She’s hardy, unlike those sissy longhorns.” Sold for $5,950, Bullet now lives in a pasture with two cows for companionship. A video of a polar bear in Canada petting a chained-up friendly dog went viral. This was probably unfortunate, said wildlife biologist Tom Smith in the Washington Post, as it might give viewers the wrong New Mexico It happened during an executive session about a proposed rate increase, so we may never know what triggered the fisticuffs in the Taos boardroom of the Kit Carson Electric Cooperative. But a disagreement became so heated that two elected representatives took it out into the hall, reported the Albuquerque Tribune. Then things really got hot. Virgil Martinez, 62, who had reportedly yelled, “I will kill him,” during the meeting, received a bloody lip, nosebleed and black eye, while Chris Duran, 44, suffered injuries after two religious medals were ripped from his neck. In an email afterward, board member Bob Bresnahan said the chaotic scene left everyone else there “in shock.” The West Before last year ended, we gathered up some of the year’s most memorable quotations, about everything from polar bears befriending dogs to the difference between God and the Forest Service. Utah Republican Gov. Gary Herbert told the Salt Lake Tribune he didn’t think a new registry for refugees was drastically needed. The Beehive State has taken in over 1,000 refugees since last February, and as Herbert put it: “They’re not the terrorists, they’re the ones running from terrorism,” he said. In a recent The New York Please see Heard Around, A-22 WANT DELIVERY? 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