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Show V 1 Magazine Section Sunday, March 14, 1926 THE SELF-MAD- E WOMAN. Sue's hair is drab; her arms are thin; Her style lacks rhyme and plot; Her nose jogs up ; her toes tip in; Her words are soon forvot ; i Her place upon the social lists Was once a foggy blot No cookstove talents hide Suei lacks ; She builds a dismal pie ; The cakes shed fake are never jake; Her coffee? ' Its too dry; And when they bite into her bread Strong men break down and cry- - In spite of this. Sue has her pick Of eligible. Why? When Volstead crashed, this hapless maid Reviewed the situation. Here is my chance shq grabbed it too "TO get a reputation!" O, no, shes not a bootlegger, Though thats the implication. So while she has no kodak face. And cannot cook spaghetti, Sue now can make a man forget Louise, Christine, or Betty; For she can brew a wowsie punch Of tonic and confetti. 1 AMATEUR. She is the girl who outjazzed jazz oxtail; By raisin-ruine- d Her applesauce - and - gravy " wine , Men prize and hunt like foxtail. With soothing syrup and cologne She makes ner famous cocktaiL Shucks, how can I write poetry ? Im nok steeped in regret ; My sad, sweet memries cant be sung; They havent happened yet I cannot write my lifes true tale; So far it is too short; Its fully told, in summary On high school cards', report. She popularized the stomach ache discovery By genius-lik- e Jamaica ginger, from drug stores Insures a quick recovery ; Ninety per cent, the kick it packs And no bootleg skull drug- gry- - Advice to Writer " doesnt help ; Professionals arent telling Young authors how to live to get The story stuff they're selling. She parks her beaux on window; Ah, how can I an author be? Where shall I make beginning? To write a modem, selling book One must seem up on sinning. seats; She parks em on the lawn; They seek her hospitality Before the break of dawn; Her charm may be synthetic, but . ' It is not overdrawn. Wheres a second hand king? I buy a rose hat And my heart goes kerflop; So short is our spring! Spring always begins in The milliners shop. - Ive bought a rose hat; . CROSSED WIRES INSTALLMENT VII. ' An Intriguing New Serial By John T McCutcheon Well," said Mr. Crayton, recognising that some tact must be employed if we should go on the Leviathan 1 hope we go in the same class. You see I ve got my wife and daughter with me and I suppose will have to go first, eves if it comes a little steep. However," hs added, we only live once, and it wil be a great experience to travel first class on the worlds greatest ship. This remark, meant as a feeler, brought a faint smile to his companion's lips If you had traveled packed In like a sardine in one occasion you wouli v CRAYTON'S strategy in causing his wife and daughter to miss the fS. tomnf upon, which the objectionable suitor, Count de Banao, was to be igcr created such a conflict of emotion that the ladies quite forgot wire ahead to hare their trunks held in Cberbough. Consequently the frrmlrm went on alone and were now one day on the Atlantic, homeward bound, while they were in Paris with two small handbags, equipped only for a the daytime railway trip to Cherbourg. To have missed their steamer was a misfortune; to be in Paris without a change of dothee wee a calamity They held a eoundl of war, Mrs. Crayton being in a state of helpless rage, feel like pawning everything you had to go back in the best style possible. go back first class if it broke me." Mr Crayton did not allow his elation to show. out splendidly. Eveiything was workin) prhila Virginia found a philosophical amusement in the situation. Well, you may see us on that ship, he said, sure to look us up. Just ask for William Crayton." and, if so, you must hi He arose. Now I mu it on yourself," she reminded. You that horrid little doctor to hare father held a prisoner in a hospital Of course, mother, you brought Schemed with until the steamer sailed. eee the hotel manager. I came over to get some things I Tt think I left the las time I was here." Xe has outwitted you and is now laughing in his They shook hands cordially; the young man went up to his room and Mi Crayton inspected the register. Having learned the name of the innocent part; to his plot, he jotted it down in his notebook. It was such an unusual nM riewve. Well, hell hare to pay for his .cleverness " exclaimed Mr. Crayton. Here we are without a thing to wear. If he keep us waiting until be gets ready to sail, I vow 111 start out and run up bills that will stagger him. But when this dire threat was hurled at Mr. Crayton be affected deep sympathy and told them to go ahead and buy everything they needed. He was 1 that he didn't trust his memory. The next morning he telephoned to the steamship office and wag fortunaS in securing accommodations on the 29th. As a further precaution, althoug) quite unnecessary, Jie particularly requested that a table for four be reserved b the dining salon of the ship. that all the flavor was taken out of this form of revenge. Did you miss the On the second day a wireless came from the count. hoat? Hope nobody ill. Am desolated." so amiable 1 'A I; j These matters attended to, he notified his wife and daughter that they weri to prepare to sail on that date. Important business matters required him to sal at that time, be asserted. T As ths day for sailing approached a minor domestic tragedy occurred Their maid decided ahe wanted to stay in Paris, where an attractive chauflea) n are yew gmlngt , ktd from the Statee wished to many her. Mr. Crmytun, gmUUf. Virginia, who could think more clearly pow that his hypnotic personality ichap can't be Jndueed .to go borne enjthe same ship with us. An oeeaa trip Is a great place for romance, and perhaps with him around Virginia will forget this was far removed, found humorous enjoyment in the meawge. Ha asks if ws mimed the boat, she laughed. I suppose we must wire other miserable affair." Along this line ran his reasoning. If it occurred to him that Virginia's affections will he think You of ue? Hell probably are heartless. What might seriously turn to the unknown young American, who miht for Virginia be quite impossible as a reasons be didnt permit these reflecvarious never want to see us again. in the eourae he had planned. There would be time enough to him deter tions But even this prospect failed to have the deprearing effect she hoped for. In the meantime Mr. Crayton was enjoying life in the hospital. One after- to eroas that bridge when he reached it himthat we did. I V. He was obl.ged to wait nearly two hours before the yourg American renoon he left the attractive nuns behind and motored alone to the little hotel in which he had spent the periods of his own disappearances." Hs had a definite turned to the hotel. Their greeting was friendly. Mr. Crayton explained that purpose, shrewdly evolved in his idlt moments, whereby he hoped further to he had been in a hospital, but was now practically ready to sad. smash ths plans of De Baimc to marry his daughter. Somewhere he had read that the surest way to defeat an unwelcome suitor is to provide a counter attraction. Dmde and conquer " was his strategy, as Skt tntrJmcd mnj Srwiffjr rrrommmnj md Is (alia Aar fiscs. wnu jms French I hope we strike the same boat," said the young man, pleasantly poLta. How soon are you going? asked Mr. Crayton quickly. I'm booked on the Leviathan, on ths . A bit of sentiment, I went " Virginia t Yem mre hemrtlrun. H'W md A. think effective in love as in war. He remembered the good looking young American home on her after the war." ?" Mr. Crayton was thinking swiftly. The young fellow, might not be able to he had met in that little hotel, and upon this young man eras baaed his plan of To stows foe her desertion, however, the introduced and etrong'y reeon travel first elaaw bring m this little hole indicated modest means And yet H mended a campaign. young French woman who would take her place. Unless I can get Virginia interested in somebody else thst infernal De sras necessary that he go first daw if Mr Craytons plan of throwing the two Barsac wdl hang around until hs sheer persistence wJl win. Ill see if thj young 29-Ji- young people together wss to produce rmuita. - (OeevrtsM. twee r tfm CfcWs Trtbn- i- I Te Ae ontlsiisl a act Cawley 1 |