?', Lrf: t,.TA. yK SOCTHEItN WAtf NEWS WEDNESDAY JUNE 12. 1996 7 Domestic Blitz By Dixie Brunner Sex appeal-it- s all in your symmetry It mustve been a slow week have parasites. for Newsweek magazine. Their Now this all makes sense to me cover story was entitled, The Science Biology of Beauty-Wha- t Has Discovered About Sex Appeal. The front cover pictures a scantily-cla- d couple embracing, and looking hungrily into one anothers eyes. (My husband got that exact same look last week when he saw a pot roast!) Youre probably thinking, big deal, all magazines are cashing in on the manwoman thing-i- t sells subscriptions. The American public has been inundated by the media the past few years on just about every aspect of sexuality. Sex is splashed across the news, on TV shows, and in books and magazines. ButthisNewsweefc article written by Geoffrey Cowley was different. It said that humans can forget dieting, cease worrying about their hair all the time, stop gettingbreast augmentations-th- e only way to get the mate you want is to possess good symmetry! My big question after reading the article is, what is symmetry, and do I have it? Symmetry, according to Websters Dictionary is a, state when one part is pleasingly proportionate to another, (i.e., eyes that are even, legs that are the same length, matchingshoulders, etc.) If something is symmetrical, because, no woman wants a tan, brains... my personality? Leave it to a scientist to discover such profound facts. While I think we all appreciate a nicely-aligne- d member of the opposite I sex, dont think symmetry is the end-a- ll answer. Every human is unique, thus attracted to different emotional, physical or intellectual stimuli. My friend says that she can drive her husband wild by just putting a little baking vanilla behind her ear. (He likes her cooking.) Personally, Im highly attracted to men who will cook, clean or do domestic duties. My credo is, wash my clothes and Ill follow you anywhere! Im sure the scientific community will continue to look to the animal kingdom for the answers to these and other profound behavioral questions. But just in case theyre right, Im going to the gym now, I want my parts to skinny, weak man with parasites. But its this symmetry business that bothers me. Scientists are grappling with the issue of what exactly attracts us to certain members of the opposite sex. A guy named Randy Thornhill began measuring the wings of Japanese scorpion flies about six years ago. (Talk about a guy in serious need of a life, eh?) Anyway, he and other biologists used bilateral symmetry - the extent to which a creatures right and left sides match - to gauge developmental stability. In watching the scorpion flies, he found that the bugs with the most symmetrical wings fared best in competition for food Uh no, you were aligned well. Alignment is for cars, for Petes sake! Do you really think human beings pay that much attention to matching parts? I can just see some stud strolling into a singles bar with a caliper. Excuse me, mam, says an to cute, young thing. I couldnt help but notice you from across the room. Would you mind very much if I checked your elbows for a minute? The scientists are basing their study of human attraction by observing animals. Female penguins hold out for the fittest suitor available, which in Antarctica means the chubbiest one who will survive several weeks of sitting on their newly hatched eggs. One Asian jungle bird only goes for the males with the brightest head comb and feathers, because another planet? Or just clouds that look like space craft? No one seven measurements - the breadth of the feet, ears, ankles, hands, wrists and elbows. Then they had the students fill out questionnaires pertaining to their.. .well you know.. .dating life. Lo and behold, the most will ever know. Photo by Myrna Cox. Are we seeing things? By Myrna Cox Two space ships hover over aliens had hair styles much like the frizz ball dos of the 90s. As they approached the teens and watched them scarfing down Big Macs, and other atrocious-lookin- g foods, they became very intimidated and wondered if they were next! They scurried away into the clouds, wondering who had really been abducted. Now for the real story. Teens and parents were traveling to the moving chartered bus, as many Valley parents and teens are traveling to California. The group was abducted on the desert. Small green men were and mates. sighted near the crafts. HowHarassing a bunch of bugs ever, they were extremely frightwasnt enough for these guys-the- y ened by the teenagers, whose had to prove their theory music was obviously very dison humans! Thornhill set about concerting to the ears of the space measuring the body symmetry aliens. Amazingly, some of the California when numerous men of hundreds of college-ag- e and women. He did this by adding up right-le- ft disparities in of parts that corre- symmetrical individuals had the spond harmoniously to each other. most opportunities to have ilWhat attracted you to me, lustrious experiences with honey? Was it my shiny hair, members of the opposite sex. its composed Visitors from spaceship-lookingclou- ds seemed scattered at random across the desert skies. It was very fascinating to watch the strange for- mations. I can see where National Inquirer comes up with some of their very convincing photos. It proved to be quite a conversation piece, and a Kodak moment as well. Hope you enjoy our photo, and m ay only the B I G RUDE people in your life be abducted by space aliens.