OCR Text |
Show 'Mm ?1 11 1 H'-'' "''ii ' 'JiS U 1 k-..--J Notes of a New Yorker: Newspapermen know how United Press eels about the following fact ... It reminds its staffers that news may break any place and it warns Ihem not to be indifferent to any locale lo-cale for scoops ... It stems from 1917, when the late Bob Bender (who became UP's vice president) was in the White House washroom, and in came Joe Tumulty, secretary secre-tary to President Wilson . . . Tumulty Tu-multy was so upset he couldn't steady himself, which made Bender nervous . . . "What the devil's the matter with you, anyway?" shouted the newspaperman. "Y-y-y-you'd b-b-b-be n-n-n-nerv-3us, too," chattered Tumulty, "if you h-h-h-had j-j-j-just seen a Declaration Dec-laration of War!" Bender, still disarranged, sped out of the place and down to the UP offices with the notable scoop. There Is danger that Hitler can take America, but there is more danger in those so-called Americans who would give it to him. The newspapers, as you probably have heard, always write the obituaries obitu-aries of well-known citizens long before they die and then file them away until they are summoned to the Pearly Gates. One New York newspaper has this opening line on Father Divine, the colored question mark, to wit: "Father Divine, the man who claimed he would live forever, for-ever, didn't." One of Broadway's ham actors was recently booked into one of those intimate night clubs ... On his opening night he warned the manager that he needed absolute quiet while he performed . . . The manager complied by instructing his staff to obey this request . . . After the first performance the manager went backstage to inquire if everything every-thing was okay. "No," shouted the ham, "all through my act there was a terrific disturbance. It went puck brrrrrrr thwacckkl Have that stopped!" "Look," squelched the manager, "when that puck brrrrrrr thwacckk stops you will be fired. That's the cash register!" Cholly Adler, the Tavern-keeper, relays the one about the day Goering stormed into an aircraft factory, ordered or-dered a dozen planes, and demanded they be ready in three days . . . "That is impossible!" shrieked the foreman . . . "It must be so," barked Goering, and strode away . . . Nazi efficiency came crashing through, and three days later, when a crew arrived at the factory, the planes were ready as ordered . . . Jhe pilots got in and soared over the channel to bomb the British . . . Reaching London, the first pilot pulled his bomb release and out dropped four of the factory's night shift! Joseph Clark Baldwin, who has been mentioned for the vacancy caused by the passing of Kenneth Simpson, has a four-year-old unmarried unmar-ried son who attends private school. The other day he was asked to recite re-cite the Pledge of Allegiance . . . All the political talk he heard at home apparently confused him. He convulsed his teacher by starting: "I pledge allegiance to the flag and to the Republicans for which it stands!" Jimmy Dorsey tells about the Hollywood Hol-lywood producer who was trying to theft a big box-offlce personality from a rival studio. He dangled a contract in front of the actor and asked: "Well, is it Yes?" The actor shook his head . . . "Then," persisted the producer, "is it No?" . . . The actor still shook his head. "Well," plaintively cortiiued the producer, "at least won't you reconsider re-consider and give me a definite maybe?" may-be?" A delegation of Japanese recently visited the Curtiss-Wright aviation plant in Paterson, N. J. . . . An inspection tour, it was called . . . They were loaded with cameras, of course . . . Guided and supervised by courteous personnel, they were allowed to snap pictures of certain parts and motors to their hearts' content ... Now don't get excited it was all right . . . This was the catch . . . Before leaving the plant all had to pass through a tiny room in single file . . . In that room, unknown to them, was a battery of X-ray machines, bombarding away . . . Those rays, in case you didden know, rendered useless the films the Japanazis had exposed . . . None of the pictures "turned out," and no relations or niceties were strained. Broadway Alien: When he shakes your hand he wants to know what's in your heart, not up your sleeve ... He continues tipping his hat to ladies long after he's lost his curly strands . . . When he borrows a dollar, he has the headache, not the lender ... If he trips at your house, he consults his doctor, not his lawyer law-yer ... He always has a reason for what he does not an alibi . . . The only thing he ever got on the cuff was a spot of gravy ... He thinks his father was a lucky guy in meeting his mother. |