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Show If there Is a baseball trust It Is certain cer-tain that It isn't in the umpire. A man rarely knows when to discard dis-card an old suit of clothes. Goose eggs begin to be a little less prominent in the standing of the baseball base-ball clubs. No little oratory Is now directed at the umpire. The bandwagon has lost Its monopoly. A Rhode Island legislator advocates a law to stop elopements, but love laughs at lawsmiths. "Eating," says a scientist, "Is a dying dy-ing art." It behooves some kind friend to blow him to a meal. Freakish styles of the present season sea-son need not be expected to reduce the number of misogynists. The "Jelly wobble" Is the latest dance fad in Washington. And in politics pol-itics "everybody's doln' it" Story tellers in Japan get 20 cents an hour, but fishermen in this country tell stories by the hour, gratis. ' The Inventor of the wireless telegraph tele-graph has taken his place among the greatest of the world's benefactors. In these nightmarish times of moving mov-ing and housecleaning modern man envies his forbears who lived in caves. Strawberries and rubles look somewhat some-what alike, and at this time of the year they closely resemble each other In price. r . A Philadelphia policeman has retired re-tired from the force with a fortune of $250,000. Of course, he saved It out of his wages. An eccentric Massachusetts woman has bequeathed $LOO,000 to a horse, all sf which may be considered a horsa n her relatives. A Chicago physician says street car traps are covered with every germ known to science. Boil your hands ifter strap-hanging. A Massachusetts man comes to the front with two cats that have cork-ecreW cork-ecreW tails. Now we know why It's called katzenjammer. The University of Wisconsin asserts that very few of its co-eds become old maids. There will now be a rush to the higher education. The latest fashionable dance In Washington is announced as the "Jelly "Jel-ly wobble." The next one will prob-bly prob-bly be the "pickle prance." Anger causes cold feet, says a Chicago Chi-cago professor. Evidently preparing to boom the overshoe trade in Chicago Chi-cago during the convention. A California man has been fined for beating up his mother-in-law, but there are those who believe that he Jeserves a Carnegie medal. It has been discovered by a statisti-:lan statisti-:lan that more divorces are granted In a.prll than in any other month. House leaning time and moving time. Now a woman has flown across the English channel as a passenger In an ieroplane. Another notice to John Bull that they cannot be kept down! Scientists have perfected an apparatus ap-paratus for broiling 700 steaks in six minutes, showing how some people like to dally with matters of pure theory. Capt. Scott has decided to spend an-jtber an-jtber year In the' vicinity of the South Pole. The women are right. Some men never do know when to come borne. A young westerner ran his motor sar into another and wed the fair oc-:upant oc-:upant thereof. It has always been jur contention that motoring Is a dangerous dan-gerous sport. In Strassburg, Germany, a cobbler has, after working fifteen years upon It, finished a clock that is made of itraw. This impresses us as being ibout as Important as a straw vote. One Turkish soldier was killed In a bombardment of forts on the Dar-Janelles Dar-Janelles by Italian warships. That la almost comparable with the report of a preliminary In an obscure boxing show. Women's clubs In Cincinnati want a curfew law for men, requiring all to be at home at nine o'clock. Now there will be a hurried masculine protest pro-test against the feminization of the law. |