| Show t- t 11 THE DAYS DAY'S GO GOOD D STORIES STORIES TilE THE DRY nar SEA SEASON SOX I heard that you were groins going to b married to Archie Esth leather r. r Is It true asked one young youns- society woman of ot another herDe her De married to him I should say a not noti Wh Why I wouldn't kno know what lod to lo tod todo d do with him 1 Ho cant can't ride rido play pay tennis ten len nis nis Rolf golf or drive c a motor car Well aid Hald the friend lie he can swim beautifully you know knot You wouldn't want a husband that you ou had to keep In an aquarium would DIt TilE THE COLORED MANS MAIV'S ADVICE A colored man was brought before a a. police judge charged with Ith chickens Ho pleaded guilty and re received received re- re sentence when the judge asked asko him how It was wai ho m managed na cd to fo lift those chickens rl right ht under the window huo of ot tho the owners owner's house when there was a aos dog os In the yard ard lilt Hit wouldn't be no use jud judge c said sard the man to tr try to dia dis ting ling to I cu aU E Ef you OU was wa to try It you OU hike liko as not would get et hide full tull o 0 shot an git It no chickens Ef if you want to en engage aso In an any rascality judge yo yo stick to de le bench beuch whar yo ro roam am familiar Chicago TRUE OPTIMISM Two Tt little boys bos stood at the tho top of ot tho the Oak Hill avenue grade debating as to whether or not It be safe to ride down clown on a a. new coaster I It goes awful fast down here said eald one ono onor I r r wouldn't care said the other But wo we might t run Into a a. policeman police police- m man an This remark had its Ib effect on the tho bo boy who seemed to be the tho owner oner of ot tho the thon n new w coaster but h he finally replied Oh well lets let's take a ride anwa anyway Maybe Ia the policeman will vill bo be big and fat tat and then ho wont won't bo be able to run fast tast enough to catch us Youns us Youngstown Telegram ram SLI CLEANLINESS ESS A HANDICAP P. Tho The neatness of ot tho the Now New Eu England land housekeeper Is Js a matter matter of ot common re remark remark re- re mark aut and husbands In that part of ot tho the country are aro supposed to appreciate their advantages ad A bit of ot dialogue reported aa lS follows shows th that ro may ho hu another mother side to the matter Martha have you O l wiped the sink dry yet et asked the farmer a as he made malle fi final tl- tl nal preparations for the n night II Ie-II tYes t. t Yes Ys Josiah she idie replied JI do you ou a k Well I did ld want a a. drink but hut I guess uess I cun l t along until morning E cr Every Everybody's body's Magazine Ia A POLITICAL no J. J A young oung lad lady reporter on a u country paper was WitS sent out to interview leadIn leadIng lead- lead In lag Ing citizens as to their politics May I 1 see ce the gentleman of ot the house she sho hie asked of or a largo large woman who opened the door at on one on residence No 00 you OU cant can't canU I answered the tho woman wom worn an an decisively ol But Dut I 1 want to know what part party he belongs belonS's to pleaded the girl Irl Wall Voll take a good look ool at me she said sternly Im a the party he ho be belongs be- be longs to to Judge Juds 4 OT DISTURBED Two spiders that dwelt In different parts of ot a church one day chanced to meet and got ot Into deep conversation and asked one another mother where the they 11 lived t dI d. d I live under the pulpit said No 1 I and every week I always think I shall be getting killed The parson bangs his Hand down and I 1 have to get set Into the smallest corner for tor fear tear of or getting squashed said No 2 you OU ought to come and live with me I never nevor got set disturbed disturbed disturbed dis dis- from one ono year car end to another Why Vh where lo do you ou live II asked X No o. o 1 I t lIv live on tho the poor box London box London Weekly Telegraph THE rug TROUBLE I 1 doubt If Kitty will bo be happy when married She's always alwa's had nor her o own n way too much Oil Oh but Jack will let her do any any- thing Im not thinking about her husband but about her cook cook cook-Bolton Boston script Scrip t. t INVISIBLE PRINT Kitty Isn't Isn't It a most fortunate thing thins What EUn What Kitty That Kitty That people cant can't read the kisses es that havo hare been printed upon a a. girls girl's lips Boston Boston Transcript HER liEn PLANS SS Soubrette Which divorce colony aro are you going to Star Star Star-I I haven't been able to find out which has the best bureau of ot publicity Judge r FUTURE DELIVERY A fire tire Insurance agent tolls tells this on one I Q We 0 have havo some funny experiences In our business Ono One ha day a a. small merchant merchant merchant mer mer- I chant of ot the lull hill section came to me m. and insured his stock of ot r ready made clothing clothing- for tor He was going going- out t. t I with the policy when I reminded him hint 1 that ho he had forgotten to pa pay th the pre- pre ml urn How much I Is it Inquired the cu cus- cus torn tomer e r. r Oh Just a. a L little matter of or 21 24 4 Well said he suppose you just Just t let the premium stand and deduct it ft j when the store burns down EX Ex- Ex change 1 II 1 A t NECESSITY tf The temperance reformer wa wag v.-ag justly 1 proud Jroud of ur Having converted convert d tho the biggest j I drunkard In a a. little Scotch town and j t induced him him him-he he was the tho local grave rave to digger to get set on tho platform ind spout his experience My I friends he said I n never ver never to stand tand upon this platform with the provo provost t on one side of ur me and the I toon tuon clerk cieri on th side of ot me I I. It never to tell teU ye that for tor a a. whole month I haven't touched a drap of or an- an thing thing- Ive I've waved saved enough to buy me mel a- a j braw oak coffin cortin wi wl brass handles and t. t brass nails and nails and if It Im I'm a a. teetotaler for tor r anither I month I shall be It It It- t r b I PUt FAH oJ Soon after atter the civil war Gen Con U S. S A. A visited a a. friend In tho the south 1 J I Taking a a. walk one morning he met a a. aboy bo boy coming coming- up from tram tho river with a a. fine fino string of ot fish I What will you take for tor your OUr fish asked the general f Thirty cents was tho reply Thirty cents cent t repeated repealed the tho general Why hY If It you OU were In New York you OU could pet get 3 3 for tor them I Tho The boy looked critically at tho the officer officer i for tor a a. moment and nd then said scorn- scorn t Yes Yea suh an I reckon If it I had a a. bucket of at water in tn hell I could get a a. million dollars for tOl It it Saturday EvenIng EvenIng Even Even- Ing lag Post HE lIE 1 KNEW DETT BETTER lt It was wag a bitter cold da day tho the t snow now was deep and tho the sidewalks ld frozen hard bard A colored man bundled up in a moth eaten chinchilla coa coat stood tood shivering shiv shi axing ering against a n building trying to avoid th the tr freezing blasts blast Just then another darky dressed In thin threadbare ar clothes arid and with no j overcoat u came caDle out of ot a u. nearby barber barbershop barbershop barbershop shop and started up the tho street t. t ing cheerily whistling h he pa passed sed ant and glanced IJ U up at the dark darky in the big hig chinchilla coat The latter laUtH took one ono withering look 1001 at the passerby erb and yel yelled I ed Sa Say you OU can whistle as al loud loudas as you please but yo yoi 0 cant can't make mako me mc bell believe belle e it aint cold COld Pittsburgh C Chronicle h von ide ph II rE I THING She I Site I wonder nh why Ive I've never had hada a n. proposal 1 Her Friend Do Friend Do you OU never look took in a a. mirror dear dear Judge |
