Show w J ON THE SPUR f 1 MOMENT Copyright Yr 1911 b by North American e n Press Syndicate DIPPED FROM THE l. l Secretary of or tho ho Interior Ballinger allinger denounced bureaucratic bureaucratic bureau bureau- cratic laUe There a ai arr 1 other ways o of keeping In tho the ollOs ollO's paper beside taking patent medicine A Chicago man has taught his wife how to box Hox U It t seems foolish Coolish In ha a n aman aman man to JJ ce himself lf In a position i where he will hi never neer H dare daie criticise his wife's wIfe cooking had 1 a new minister of or finance n named nahed h cd Nail Pasha Pashia Time They will willaU all aU get Ct their their- ho miners out for Cor him Sara Sura Bernhar t having played everything everything- el else e is now learning to PIn Play got golf it will into One thing that never nc come como general use is ah an an aeroplane bab baby cab Mr Ir Hearst S says YB ho is a. a Democrat Ag gaIn Again n or 01 yet Mr 11 doesn't shake hands any more nore but it does docs oes seem as tilOu though h he lie would foci feel like slinking shaking hands with i himself on dividend di day LiY A Spokane ne man num wants damages damages dam damn ages for i being eft kicked by D- D mule mule He ought to b b bo thankful hes he's alive and let ct it go gp o at at that thaL The i tobacco trust is 15 said to to toe be willIng will will- Ing to reform but hut if IC all the smokers ers reformed rl there there- wouldn't be beany Ian to tobacco tobacco tobacco to- to bacco tru trust s r Gov Governor 1 l. l Wodrow Wilson Jays ays as a's lIe he heis lIeIs lieIs is disgusted with some of the time popular h hymns It must be the time govern governor r is not cee seeking the church choir choit vote vole I ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER AB ER I PI President sid nt raft Taft shows no partiality lIty in iii American cities He visiting visiting- even cn gets to Washington ton occasionally Mary tar Garden has signed a opera contract at nt 1400 a night And still sUI son some people say that gar gardening ening doc h L p py Mf AT 11 O. O U U. U KIdd of ot Columbus Ohio Ohma has hns gone gono ono east to see the thc sights of ot Gotham Comment Is unnecessary A town in Idaho h has s been named Tomorrow ITOW Nobody will ever be able to get to that place l ce for Cor it will always be lust jut a day laY ahead V Uncle I Ezra na Harkins has lost his JIls pruning knife and amid is thereby d deprived cd of his usual sual occupation which is whittling whit whit- tin thing out in Tibbitts' Tibbitts Mr 11 Hank Purdy the thc gentlemanly and congenial nial on proprietor of the Golden Gold Gold- en Xu Nugget get saloon aloon says ays the rye is ig lookin good this fall Call OUR FURNACE SYMPOSIUM SY R. R E E. F. F writes It I Is a good thing that J I am not nol a tl man with ith a weak weal heart or om I not be writing you this letter now hotter now I went down to shovel some in my iny furnace yesterday afternoon and nd found th that t it didn't need an any amly A man that can stand a shock Jil like e that that ought ought to be A good risk for Ol sonic some life liCe insurance comp company ny It ItIs ItIs ItIs Is time the Clr first t time hue it ever happened to tome tome me and I 1 a am 1 inclined to believe believe- itha it ha liar has G occurred to very few F R G. G H. H writes I 1 like e to go to tobed tobed tobed bed early but but- ut- ut if jf I 1 hit the feathers at atS 8 S o'clock my furnace fire Ire goes out be before before before be- be fore mornin morning If TIC i I fix Cb ix my furnace at atS atS atS S o'clock and go o to b bed d I have to get getup getup up at 3 o'clock whereas if I r sit up until l 11 I I I. ca can st stay in iii bed the next morning until 6 6 My Iy neighbor tells tell I me mc that he ho wanted to go 10 awa away from town the lie other othor day tIny hI so hu he let hl his fur fur- mince naco go without touching touching- it IL for three I days nn and even then it r refused to tu go go go- out He ire rays he ho then turned time the hose ho into It Il and alil filled it up with ashes ashie and andI I still it burned brightly as 08 ever mind and he I I I had to give ghe up uTI his trip because h he lie didn't dare hare leave lea h his 8 furnace with a roaring fire in it H Did you ever eI notice notice notice no no- tice what remarkable le furnaces th the neighbors all aJl have My ly Impression Is is 1 however that the neighbor I refer to Is Js a n. liar Hal What hal do you yon think 7 J 7 1 L J. J. J W W. says says- I J dont don't think there ther Is a n. woman vonian in this world who knows how to run a furnace I J can leave a roaring fire when I go to the tho office at S o'clock and if m my wife cant can't 0 manage to tu put It out omit somehow before 9 a o'clock Ill I'll cat my hat I dont don't know how she does it The Tho trouble Is that a woman fusses with a furnace too much She Sho treats It too much like a n. babe In him arms and that leads tho furnace to expect too much attention When hen a man takes care of a a. furnace he hits hilts it a couple of Jolts In the solar plexus throws a few shovels ho of oC coal Into It slams its mouth shut and leaves it A woman tries to feed it out of a bottle and feels of ot its pulse every very two minutes That's not bus busi ness neBS I suppose some ome of or your our feminine feminine fem fern u mine readers will wm answer this but I dont don't give 11 a hang I I I. wanted to get Itt this out of oC system stem b before my ore Christ Christ- mas 1 r TRADITIONS S. S The history men those wise e old bO boys 9 who earI carry brains of ot wondrous heft hert Arc Are knocking our traditions out until we have e not man many left The They sa say that poor old Paul Rever Revere neer ne'er galloped g oer o'er the corduroy cord rhe They say that th there rc was no wooden horse horte that figured fig in the tIme siege of ot Troy Thc They sa say that Cleopatra was a cro cross cro- eyed ced knock kneed fr freckled fright They say that Nero didn't pIa play the tha fiddle when Rome burned that night I They tell teU us that Diogenes neer ne'er started start tart et ed eul out with lamp amp in hand And nd in his travels failed to find an arm honest man in all the land laud tell us Walter Raleigh nc neer ne'er r I Iacross across a pu puddle dle spread pread his cloak I nd And that his love Jo affair atah with Queen Elizabeth was but a joke I They cy tell teU us ur that the tho Queen of Sheba- Sheba Sheba-j Sheba wore false teeth and antI d dyed her hair tell teU us that old ld Job neer ne'er ha had a I single ll solitary care They tell teU us that not a a. genius but a fro frost t Th They y tell us that Dante was as a fraud and paradise was never lost lot slaughtering traditions traditions Th They're our pet lions every da day with ruthless hand han hands ds And knocking knocking- all alt our heroes In a wathal's way wa- that's thal's r harI hard ard to understand Theres There's nothing nothing- new to talk about and should the thc iconoclasts not give The Th old tuf tuC some lambasting every cry everyday everyday day they simply couldn't live |