Show Y YON ON 0 t PURl Ji THE t. t Cop Copyright 1911 HIll b by C C. N. N Mather CO CONVERSATION r E I When hen you ou hear a A. feller what hes he's goin to do M some omo day dar j f. f And dl disclosing what I he has done dono In a ahrn bragIn ln s sort o rt of or j c wa way ya Just make al c u up p your mind to one thing 4 It Is always true 1 I vow OW 4 You can bet your our Ron bottom dollar ho P nov ont j alp aint t doln much When you rou hear a feller brag In on his honesty and rich When hen ho do says ays If H hed he'd been crooked he would certainly be rich When he blows about the chances he has had to beat his Just make mako out that you ou believe belle him but dont don't fall to cut the cards card When you ou hear a feller teller on the way he runs his hlll house When hen he s says Y it is dead lead ea easy for to regulate his spouse When hen he tolls tells you OU that hes he's boss you ou kin make mako up your mind for Cor cert Its It's his wife that wears tho the trous trousers rg and its it's him that wears ears the skirts hen When you hear a feller teller how to torun torun I run the government When he thinks It Is 19 his duty duly to correct correct correct cor cor- I the Pr President You kin listen lIten quite respectful but make male up your oUr mind off hand That he lie hasn't got the gumption for forto to torun run a Il peanut stand WHAT TO DO WITH THEM THE We Wye e Just received the following letter letter letter let let- ter Dear Sir Tou You have been very ac active ac- ac tive tivo in your campaign against the straw hat and being one of or tho the victims vic vic- tims I wish Ish to ask you what we shall shail do with the discarded lids lills Your crusade crusade crusade cru cru- sade will not be complete until you ou tell us this Sincerely W. W F F. M. M We Ye have already mentioned tho the fact act that the discarded straw hats can l be e fed to the cows I If you ou dont don't keep a a. cow as every ely thrifty citizen should unless s he lives in a flat place the old straw hat carefully in the garbage can We Ye have ha already mentioned the fact that an inverted straw hat trimmed with bab baby ribbons makes an excellent hanging basket for flowers lowers and would be an ornament to an any parlor An old straw hat run through a a. meat grinder mal makes es an excellent breakfast food There Thele is enough in one hat for fOl a family of oC seven pC With Ith Witha Itha a little cream and sugar added it will wUl taste Just as good as Try a Eat- Eat Chunka a-Chunka or Tan Bark Flake Tho The main point in the breakfast food is Js to get set something that is tasteless and there Is nothing on earth so tasteless as an old straw hat There is nothing better betler to plu plug up upa a broken window pane than an old straw hat haL It not only keeps out the storm but furnishes ventilation to quito a a. considerable extent The old hat can with 9 worth of or orlace lace and anel ribbon for tor trimming be made Into an excellent sewing basket for tor forthe forthe the thc ml missus There arc aro ro a n. thousand things that can be done with an old straw hat An a adept ept at arts an and crafts can make a 4 47 41 smoking s set sat t out of It with a little varnish h and a few pounded copper copper copper cop cop- per trimmings In fact It Is appropriate ate to do du anything with an old straw hat excepting to wear it in October ONE MATRIMONIAL APPEAL We Ve have stead steadfastly fa 5 refused to transform this column Into a matrimonIal matrimonial matrimonial matri matri- bureau Journalistic s f forbid forbid for for- l'- l' bid anything of the tho kind but occasionally occasionally occasionally occasion occasion- ally there comes an appeal which goes straight to the heart One of them came in our mail mall this morning ii h in the shape of a want-ad want which has been turned down b by all of tho newspapers nc There Is a sort of fascination connected connect connect- ed with it which is hard to ignore Weare Wo We are not going to make a ha habit lt of publishing publishing pub pub- lishing such things but we feel that we should make an exception In this case The want want-ad is as follows WANTED WANTED Dashing Dashing young widow would like to meet gentleman ninety ninety- seven years of a age with one million dollars and a hard haid cough Ol Object matrimony The young oun lady her photograph photo- photo graph and nd it looks like a g good od chance chance- for the right man matt She J Is nine hands high without spavin or hoof hoor trouble and will stand without hitching She is not afraid of ot the cars and is city broke She doesn't balk in the traces and will walk wall right up to an automobile automo automo- bile bilEt without sh shying TO SIMPLIFY MATTERS We Ye have wasted a lot of oC time in this column spelling spelling- out things which might Just as well weH be abbreviated There are arc many trite words and phrases which must necessarily be used such as well known highly respected citizen etc Wo We will hereafter hereafter here here- after aCter abbreviate and In order that the rea reader ar will know kno what we are trying trying trying try try- ing to drive at and will not miss anything any anything any any- thing we publish a list of or the abbreviations abbreviations which we expect to use and will supplement the list from time to time I 1 I. b b. b g. g g. Ivory Ivory galoot g g. s s. s and p. p Gentleman pr-Gentleman Gentleman scholar and philanthropist b b. b h. h h. Bono Bono head c o. o r. r Constant r.-Constant Constant reader w w. w and f f. f k Well ell Well and favorably known b b. and b b. b. b b Beautiful Beautiful and blushing bride h h. h r c. c Highly c.-Highly Highly respected citizen t. t 1 J. 1 l 1 The rhe late lamented H. H D. D Doctor D.-Doctor Doctor of Horses M. M 1 D. D Doctor D.-Doctor Doctor of or Mules ules o o. o w w. w k a Our a.-Our Our well known attorney s 8 s. s t t. t o. o Silver o.-Silver Silver tongued orator g g. a a. a 1 i. c. c b. b Groom b.-Groom Groom attired in conventional conventional conven conven- black Please omit nOw flowers p. p o. o Please f. f. f r p pr w w. w n n. n a a. a c. c Presents co-Presents Presents were numerous and anti costly a. a p p. e e. e w. w h h. h h.-A. h. A A pleasant evening was had r w w. c. c c- c Win c.-Win Wine ne e clerk cieri meaning bartender a. a 1 1 an and c c. c a. a a a.-A A large and enthusiastic enthusiastic a tlc audience |