Show Common Tragedy ra e Bonds on s Strangers tran ers Norma Hendrickson Contributing Writer I never related to Nancy Reagan when she was the first lady For me the package of designer gowns and expensive White House china put her in an entirely different class When Barbara Bush took Nancys Nancy's place I welcomed her with open arms With her white hair and matronly figure and to down-to- earth sensibility she was my kind of woman But as an exhausted and almost bewildered Nancy caressed Reagans Reagan's casket I could relate True to form she had planned and controlled every minute detail of the funeral and tributes for the former president What she didn't plan and couldn't couldn con was the ten years of losing him inch by inch She said recently he had gone one somewhere somewhere somewhere some some- where that I couldn't go I understand My mom had gone there too We buried her just three days before Reagan s pass pass- ing Alzheimer's Disease finally made Nancy my soul mate Ronald Reagan whether you liked his politics or not was the consummate communicator He boldly defended his policies and positions He gets credit for knocking down the insidious communist wall He was part actor part cowboy and quite a afew afew afew few parts politician That is until ten years ago when Alzheimer's grasped him in in a adeath adeath adeath death hold that would lead him to the sunset of his life When he got there little remained of the vibrant man the world had known Wealth power connections connections connections and the best care in in the world couldn't put put him together r again agam It was the same story with my mom minus the wealth power and connections Mom Marjorie Lyon Hafen loved life and laughter and literature In truth her eccentricity embarrassed me meat meat meat at times She fought passionately for the underdogs of the world and against income taxes and the Infernal Revenue Service She wrote music and poetry and inflammatory letters to the editor She graduated from the University of Utah and remained a rabid fan Being a devoted Cougars fan we kept up a running running running run run- ning rivalry Then the disease came and stole the mother I knew and loved Mostly I lost her bit by bit We all experienced anger angert and denial and ana finally a grudging respect and acceptance for None of us did it with much dignity It stole her independence She moved sequentially from her own home to a retirement community to an assisted living facility and finally finally finally final final- ly to the special needs unit of a care center It stole her marvelous marvelous marvelous mar mar- ability to do math in her head quicker than most of us doit doit do doit it on a calculator It committed identity theft in inthe inthe inthe the worst sense of the phrase It robbed her sense of self and her connection to family and lifelong friends She shuffled up and down the halls haIls of the care center not knowing who she was or where she was A few things remained until near the end She could still remember words to her favorite songs and even their beautiful harmonies Finally the sticky-fingered sticky bandit got those too Nancy I understand the conflicting conflicting conflicting con con- emotions of loss and grief and relief and gratitude I like Tike you believe our loved ones are in a better place Im I'm sure c a. a the place is more animated since they arrived Im I'm betting its it's been nothing but hugs and songs and happy reunions Most of all I think they they know who we are again Somehow they are closer to us in death than in the last years of their so called lives Ronnie probably went right to work solving the worlds world's lems Mom is surely gloating over the fact that Ive I've gone back to get my degree degree degree-at at her Alma Mater She knows about her grandchildren's weddings one of them the night before her funeral The bride said It was the only way grandma could come to my wedding So farewell to our loved ones for a time Nancy I was wrong about you My hats hat's off to you for your loyalty and staying power You carried off this last and most difficult role with dignity dignity dignity dig dig- and grace |