| Show s A Far Better Thing To T Tp r- r o l'-o Watch atc On n T T. T TV V I. j This week we will c celebrate the anniversary of the f first Winter Olympic Games as the competition begins in Calgary Canada Oh the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat It is a time when watching TV is not everything it itis itis itis is the only thing We take these competitors from the US U.S. into our hearts as if they were one of our families You know them all Phil Philand Philand Philand and Steve Mahre Dorothy Hamill Scott Hamilton and Eric Heiden We love them all Sports Quips By Bob Denning M 3 if f 1 y h Mo 5 But what of the unsung heros The luge riders the bobsledders and those that compete in the biathlon Those foolhardy strange and dangerous events Is it because these events are so weird that we cannot grasp them into reality So we choose to look them over You bet When you get right down to it some of the events in the Winter Olympics are just downright weird The speed skaters dress like fluorescent fluorescent- frogmen fluorescent frogmen and and- skate around a track for five minutes This is an event that will keep you ri riveted eted to your seat Or the hockey players that dont don't fight or even push one another while playing Your only excitement is 15 that someone someone someone some some- one in the audience may get bean- bean ed with an occasional puck These events seem normal compared compared compared com com- pared to some of the others such as the luge and biathlon Who in invented invented invented in- in vented these games Some one with a dry sense of humor Maybe one of the writers from Truth or Consequences Take the biathlon This is a contest contest contest con con- test which combines skiing and rifle sh shooting Something we Americans do every day This makes about as much sense as skating and yodeling To Tobe Tobe Tobe be able to compete in this event you need a heart that can pump like a Texas oil well for the skiing but it must be as still as death while shooting The Americans do not do well in this event mainly because it is stupid The second is there are not too many resorts in American that will let you ski around with a loaded gun taking pop shots At least not without causing a lot of attention from cops with bullhorns The bobs and the luge events are for those with a death wish They are timed events that are run over steep ice covered curvy chutes at atthe atthe atthe the speed of light The timing is to see how fast you can make it down or how fast you can get killed killed killed kill kill- ed or how long you will be airborne airborne airborne air air- borne if you fly off the track The bobsled is either a two-man two or man four-man event The more weight you get on the sleds the faster faste it t ill jA will o. o I am s surprised pr e no o one orie Kas lias thought n of a man rhan 10 r an bobsled event Well there is always 1992 But of thrills and stupidity ty ty Nothing can compare to the luge That's luge It rhymes with rouge Not The luge loge rider known as a slider by the Olympic te team m or as stupid by any sane san adult lies flat on his back on a sled smaller than Rosebud sliding down a twisting ice chute at speeds over 70 MPH Hey if I am going down a hill at 70 MPH I am going to sit up to see where I am going Despite the fact that the idiot or rather the slider is in perfect posture to pray throughout a run serious injuries and death occur Atthe Atthe At Atthe the first Olympic luge competition at Innsbruck in 1964 one slider was killed and two were seriously injured The Olympic rules makers fearing fearing fear fear- ing that this event wasn't risky enough added a new element to this event One of your four runs must be made at night The only person that is more daring than the luge slider is the luge watcher For a spectator on the course the risk is big but the rewards are minimal Standing practically on the edge of the chute just to see a blur go by is not worth it At such speeds it is hard for a spectator to distinguish between a hurling toboggan and a moose that has fallen on the course At such speeds these toboggans have a mind of their own jumping the ice walls and becoming air air- borne The only safe vantage point is from behind a tree So remember these unsung heroes including the spectators while you lay in the luge position watching T. T TV V. V Remember a far far better i thing t to w watch t n these se games on television than in per per- son |
