Show Comical Minds Want To Know i i EDITORS EDITOR'S NOTE rc I Dan Metcalf do hereby promice promise promise pro pro- mise mice not to write another article about my marriage I guess you have all heard enough about that I Inow Inow Inow now promise to write more of those critical look life really it articles The Way It Is IsBy B By Dan Metcalf i 2 4 A As I was waiting in line at the supermarket last night I started to take notice of the many different small items on sale around the out check-out stand There were different different different dif dif- ferent kinds of cassette tapes crossword puzzles a million different different different dif dif- ferent types of razor blades and of course there were the magazin and so-called so newspapers I Idee dec der ed to pick up one of these newspapers newspapers newspapers news papers and take a look at what is happening in the world today To Tomy Tomy Tomy my astonishment I discovered that thata a chimp had given birth to a human baby wearing neckties makes men stupid and dolphins really came from outer space As you might have guessed these newspapers arent aren't really newspapers at all They're those 57 up made-up freak magazines What a i- i waste Have you ever really read one of these magazines I mean have you ever really bought one and taken it home and studied it I did Let me tell you these are probably the funniest things around Before you go out and buy up the stands at your local store you must first know what youre you're in for First you must be able to identify these papers They usually have names with the words Globe National International and World They always have some shocking headline to grab your attention like BRAIN OF HUMAN TRANSPLANTED TRANSPLANTED TRANSPLANTED TRANS TRANS- PLANTED INTO DOG or STALLONE TAKES WIFE You get the picture And speaking of pictures these magazines have some real gems You will always find some actual photo of a ghost that haunts the White House or some other unimportant building that has been done over at least five times by an anair anair anair air brush The illustrations are no better because they always try to stretch what little truth there is by making comic type book-type drawings that look nothing like real life What is really funny is when they publish a photo of a person next to one of their own illustrations of the same person You will always n notice tice the exaggerated expressions of drama in the face of the illustration as compared to the dull air brushed photo to the side It is these types of pictures that typify the so-called so reality of these magazines Another funny thing about these magazines is the advertisements in inthe inthe inthe the back There is always some kind of hair removal device to order or some new posture- posture improving underwear Who really buys this stuff anyway aliens Maybe they do because there are areso areso areso so many articles about aliens in these magazines Why do these magazines try so hard to make up the most ludicrous situations when they know that most of them are not true at all The real reason has to tobe tobe tobe be money because there cant can't be a responsible journalistic reason One of these magazines magazine's advertisements advertisements advertisements advertise advertise- ments is that the people who read their paper have inquiring minds It sounds to me like those readers either have comical or gullible minds rather than inquiring ing minds I 1 really cant can't see any good reason for someone to buy these magazines other than to line their bird cages Speaking for myself I really do fear that someday someday someday some some- day aliens will visit us and pick up one of these magazines and then turn around and nuke the entire planet |