Show Name Withheld HEN I was young an anold anold WHEN old man told me that a 3 hypocrite was one who spoke what was expected b but t conveyed conveyed conveyed con con- his true character Growing up I had haden en engraved g r a v e din in In my y m mind in d the phrase practice what you preach lest you should be kicked off your pulpit To this day I l' l strive to speak and behave behave behave be be- have in the fashion I believe in not to re reflect lect the attitude of the day Recently hypocrisy dug deeply under my skin while I 1 was most vulnerable vulnerable vulnerable I could be silent no longer I In n the heat of late June I sat satin satin satin in the pews of a chu church listening listening listening listen listen- ing to many people e talk of a ayoung ayoung ayoung young man man man-an an extremely young man man who who had taken his life the week we k before His closed casket sat far from the rows and rows of pews with sparsely placed people crying relentless unyielding tears I knew this troubled man manof manof manof of 19 unfortunately not well enough We had been involved in drama and choir in high school before he moved away my my senior year yea He always alway w wan be accepted loved but mostly he just wanted to be himself In school several of the people he called friends turned their backs on him spoke badly to and about him Worst of all they j pretended to care He had al always always always al- al ways felt feIt alone but never nevermore nevermore 1 more so than in the hours before he drove his car off the steepest cliff he could find I As I 1 sat in the church holding holding holding hold hold- ing a friends friend's hand I glanced over at a group of his classmates weighed down by grief tears flowing freely and openly from their eyes I saw the worst of hypocrisy by their mere presence These were the people who never cared about him while he was wason wason as ason on earth but u used ed his hi pissing passing as a door for attention at ten tion and self I watched his family dressed properly and piously and remembered how they had shunned him when he revealed his homosexuality I glanced at his mother mot er choked by her misery and remembered her cruel and abusive words proving to me beyond a doubt that she did not love her son His father did not even attend I remembered the scared little DOV DO who was everyone's little brother but never had hada hadit a it true tru friend I listened to speaker after S speaker spew words about eternal and acid unconditional love of God G d nd how people should be acce accenting ting and non- non judgmental tal took it all in inand inand inand and at ti tiame same ame time wanted to spit it bask bad at those feeding it to me Maybe if they had believed what they were saying Chris may have felt loved eno enough gh to stay If his old cI classmates took as much joy in l celebrating his life lifers as the they dit h. h mourning his death but i hadn't talked to him in two years Why was I there Was I 1 guilty of the same crime Was I 1 a hypocrite I 1 cared about Chris We were not close but we had shared two years of exploring exploring exploring ing talents and dreams two performances and backstage nerves two years ot of teas teasing and laughing and fighting and making up again When it came right downto down to it we were old friends He drifted into my life and very subtly drifted away He had a painful existence He had taken enough I was there out of respect for the boy I knew the man he could have been our high school days our innocence innocence innocence in in- his life tife and our memories I 1 am angry that he died with the same insincerity insincerity with which he lived Jived It It has been a while since the funeral but the hatred of hypocrisy is still embedded embedded embedded em em- bedded deep within me My faith in th the human ideal will return Im I'm sure But not too quickly |