Show NEWSFLASH NEWS FlASH Co with the Points West policy of instant accurate news we present these items for your information Special to the Points West Staff Salt Lake City Nov 14 1975 According to an unreliable source a mechanics student student student stu stu- stu- stu dent whom will remain anonymous received a severe reprimand and a lower scholastic scholas scholas- tic grade when he was found to have replaced the oil in President President President dent JL J.L. Nelsons Nelson's car with College College College Col Col- lege Center coffee When asked why he took such action he replied replied replied re re- re- re plied Golly I dun dunno no I just always always al always al- al ways used the coffee for odd jobs you know taking the rust off my mag wheels removing paint etc My girlfriend uses it to straighten her hair Anyway I Iwas Iwas Iwas was assigned to up tune-up the Presidents' Presidents car I thought Id I'd do a up bang-up job so so It was stated today that due to the increased amount of illegal il illegal illegal il- il legal parking being witnessed by the Rent-a-Cops Rent in charge they've decided to turn the matter matter matter mat mat- ter over to the Karate Club I Contracts have been filed to Waste anyone not conforming with parking regulations Student Student Student Stu Stu- dent Leaders expressed e vences concerning some kind of body count in accord with the Geneva Convention Services were held yesterday November 13 for the unlucky students buried alive in the trench west of the UTe Administration Building Larry Dean of Students provided the eulogy and after the ceremony concluded that although its it's true the lawn can use the fertilizer I believe the tactics involved in this tragedy could have been avoided When finally captured and controlled Sue Wilson Ski Club Secretary was informed of her rights then a psychoanalysis was preformed by Evan Chaffin a local shrink Mr Chaffin revealed revealed revealed re re- re- re that Sue was uncontrollable able and would shout nothing but The uThe Snow is melting The Snow is melting Chaffin quickly subdued the woman then rushed her to American Fork to collect a Finders Fee |