Show the rogues 9 gallery HARRY says were lve re funny people 4 1 1 v 14 4 1 W f in the life of the young married woman there comes a time when she ebe finally masters the art of arranging arran gln a dustless dusl less mop a carpet sweeper sweep and a couple of golf clubs at the bend in the basement stairs in such sui a way that they constitute a bear trap by HARRY V WADE 1 OU possibly have met the 1 I type of woman who when her husband arises from a hearty breakfast remarks and now dear what would you like for lunch probably you have wondered why d how chow do humans get that way Is a question which has long baffled our learned men they do not know abashed by their ignorance some of the larger universities are opening institutes for the study of human behavior they will try to find out why a man on seating himself in a gning dining car will invariably pick up the bill of fare in his left hand grasp his right ear in the other and after fondling it a while run a thumb and forefinger up and down the bridge of his nose you may say that here is a reflex dating from cave days when one j fought for his food and sat down to a meal with no assurance that all his features were still in place but that is only a guess it does not explain why the same traveler on trundling into a pullman washroom ifor for the morning toilet will attempt first of all to stare himself out of countenance in the glass there is i the long minute of uncertainty when ahe is still unconvinced that the rumpled dry starched face in the mirror is his own that no one has tried to palm off another on him in the night his is a curious case but very common no one can explain why a woman climbs aboard a bus with a department store layer cake in one hand and her fare at the bottom of a nest of five purses in the other almost always this type will be found to be a looker around as well A look er cr around is one who spots in a store window precisely the garment she is pursuing and at the price the she wants to pay the handkerchief dilemma will she dash in at once and close the deal dont be silly she must spend the next three hours in other stores pawing garments which are nothing like what she has in mind and at the wrong price so she comes back to store A but meanwhile the garment of her dreams has been sold therefore she weeps because she is misunderstood which is possibly true you may be a sufferer from handkerchief amnesia in this condition which is prevalent in men after lorty forty the victim gets to the curb or the hall elevator and finds he lacks a handkerchief so he gallops back to the house or the apartment but by this time has forgotten what it was he forgot thus he goes on his way frustrated and without the handkerchief there is no cure tor for this and no explanation in the life of the young married woman comes a time when she finally masters the art of arranging a dustless mop a carpet sweeper and a couple of golf clubs at the bend in the basement stairs in such a way that they constitute a bear trap eleven per cent of all household catastrophes have been traced to this sinister device and there is a case in old english law holding that a husband who has put up with it tor for so long may cite that fact in extenuation of murder still the practice prevails it appears to be an instinct in woman perhaps you are a type who when leaving a store through a door on which the word PUSH appears r reversed on the gla glass ss attempts to push his way out you are not alone exhaustive researches have A shown that 91 in persons reason the situation out to the same conclusion cl about picture I 1 shall have little to say but I 1 should like to put in a word about the drape fiddler this is a strictly female specimen who whenever a husband lays a hand on a drape or monkeys with a shade must rearrange it finally restoring hg it to the exact place and condition in which it was left by her bewildered mate the proceeding is usually accompanied compa nied by the crack sotto voce what will the neighbors think the cough nuisance the nose and throat fraternity in medicine has never given us a satisfactory is explanation of the theater and symphony cougher this is a type known to all and I 1 only cite it for its familiarity some years ago one of the great orchestras regularly on the air practically clinched the illusion of being right in your living room by including a cougher in its broadcasts but one sunday he there and it was found on inquiry that he got well and come no reasonable solution has ever been off offered ered for the ancient custom among barbers of loading a whisk broom with talcum and slapping the client smartly across the neck with same not only is the practice peculiarly culi arly futile of itself but it may in time set up a mild silicosis the dread malady so prevalent among those who work in stone dust nor has it ever been discovered why the porter in the same shop his hands anointed with shoe polish will pick up a light fedora in good condition and knead an ounce or two of grime into it with a brush indeed our tonsorial parlors are perfect hotbeds of material for the explorer of the human mind and its vagaries they might look too into the mental processes of the backseat backshat back seat passenger commonly the wife who remarks when one is yards beyond a roadside inn and traveling at a good 52 m p h that seemed like an attractive place to eat radio Is too new or the object passed may have been a fruit and vegetable stand in which case the standard afterthought is those black rasp berries look good about the strange creatures who gesture before microphones we need not concern ourselves at this time the species is comparatively new and must wait its turn the older aberrations have the call house detectives who wear toothpicks are another limited or specialist class to be looked into later and building superintendents who fasten paper towel containers to a wall six feet off the floor thus allowing fresh ets of water to cascade into ones armpits very common and very mystifying is a practice common to all classes of putting in an afternoon remembering a forgotten name of no conceivable consequence like that of the right fielder in the lineup with which lajoie played at cleveland or the brother in law of great aunt eftie the one with the cast do you munch at the corners of catalogs while attending art shows then you ore are a case for the brave searchers in quest of reasons for the strange behavior of mankind or perhaps you swap addresses at quarantine with fellow voyagers you hope and trust never to see sec again have you ever sat tor hours undoing a paper pencil 0 beu bell service |