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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Age Gap in Marriage Bell Syndicate WNU Features. "To think of Mar got married to a man twenty years older than I am actually sickens me." By KATHLEEN NORRIS CURIOUSLY enough, my mail this week contained con-tained two letters, one from Portland, Oregon, and one from Cleveland, Ohio, and both asking the same question: ques-tion: is a difference in age a serious thing in marriage? The Portland girl is 30 years old, her young man is only 24. She says that she is young for her years, and that he has been developed by responsibilities responsi-bilities and hard times to seem much older than he is. He was a worker at 14, took care of an invalid mother and little sister until the mother died and the little sister married, and Alma says that while he is full of fun and confidence and eagerness, he is really a serious man in many ways. Alma has had a hard time, too. She has been the main support of a 'family of older persons, faithfully moving between home and office for almost 12 years. But for all that she is young in spirit, she writes me of a tiny week-end cottage near the sea where she has sometimes crowded in as many as a dozen friends, of her cat, her window gardens, gar-dens, her love for cooking, and the tiny niece that her brother sometimes some-times lends her for a visit. And her picture shows a small, charming person, beaming under a wide-brimmed wide-brimmed hat. So my advice to Alma was to marry mar-ry her Tom at once, and enjoy her rightful share of happiness as wife, home-maker, and someday mother. Pleasant Years Predicted. There is no generalizing about marriage, but it is true that marriage mar-riage in which the wife is somewhat the older of the two, do generally turn out happily. Alma is going into this marriage with a real determination de-termination to make it a success, and something tells me that it will be one. The other case is that of a girl named Margot, who is 17. She is the only child of a divorced mother; it is the mother who writes me. "I was only 18 when Margot was born," says her letter, "so that we really are more like sisters than mother and daughter. She has been my one and sole consideration for every moment of her life. We traveled trav-eled in Europe every summer; I helped her with all her lessons; we had a plan for every Saturday and Sunday. My husband was 14 years older than I; it was his family, and, his first wife's family, who made our marriage impossible; Margot was only a few months old when I left her father, and I have not seen him since. "Like an uncle to Margaret has always been the family doctor; he was on the staff of the hospital where she was born, later became a nerve specialist and moved into our neighborhood. neigh-borhood. He is now 54. When he began to call constantly at our house it was natural for me to feel that he was interested in me; I have always liked him, without ever giving any deeper feeling so much as a thought. Some weeks ago I said half-seriously to Margot that I wished John, to call him that, would ask me to marry him and have it over, as the suspense sus-pense created by his calls, gifts, significant sig-nificant speeches, notes, was getting on my nerves. Daughter's Confession. "Her answer was a burst of tears, and a hysterical statement that if it had not been for her fear that I loved John, and that it would break my heart to lose him, she would have told me long before that she TWO ANSWERS This week Kathleen Norris answers two letters asking whether or not it is essential to a happy marriage for the husband and wije to be the same, or nearly the same age. In each of these two cases the answer is "no," although the circumstances vary considerably. consider-ably. On the one hand, a girl of 30 wants to marry a young man 24; and on the other, a girl of 17 is madly in love ivith a middle aged man about three times her age. Be sure to read this wise and tolerant discussion of a problem that has troubled many women. was madly in love with him. I was stupefied. Margot to me is still the dear happy dancing child who has been my companion all these years; to think of her as married, and married to a man almost 20 years older than I am, actually sickens me. I have not been well in soul, mind or body since this thunderbolt fell upon me. John is about three times her age, a well-groomed, successful suc-cessful man who has many friends, a fine practice, and who is extremely youthful in his tastes.- He takes her to dances, plays tennis, associates much with younger people, but all that doesn't change the facts. Worse, he was married long before Margot was born, and has two daughters older than Margot. One of these is married; the other lives at home as his housekeeper, and as the establishment estab-lishment includes his paralyzed old mother, two servants, a nurse for the mother and an office nurse, with a chauffeur and gardener as well, everyone seems to feel that Margot would be lucky to keep this daughter in the family as manager. Margot stands a little in awe of Helen, who is about 24, and says she would like this arrangement. But to think of my adored baby in that big house, with a husband older than her own father is, and all those complicated relationships to adjust, frightens me. I could prevent this marriage until she is 18, perhaps, but she could go to her father for permission, and as he has never had the slightest responsibility re-sponsibility for her, or interest in her, he would probably give his consent. "What argument can I use with her to convince her that she is throwing away youth, good times, the prospect of falling normally in love with someone of a suitable age? For certainly what she feels for this man isn't love." , Situation Beyond Control. The answer is, you can do nothing. And for your consolation let it be said that Margot is now playing a part, and it is a happy and popular part. That will be Margot's role, and she will love it. Presently the maids, chauffeur, step-daughters, the helpless help-less old mother, the nurses, will all be in love with lovely little Mrs. John. Sometimes girls keep up that attitude all their lives; I knew one handsome old woman who still liked to remember that when at 16 she married a rich man of 55, he insisted that she go on with her schooling. And when he went to the Philippines during the Spanish war, he put her into boarding school. She had four step-sons, all much taller and older than she, and two boys of her own, and, while it wasn't marriage as most men and women know it, mar. riage with its young cares and responsibilities, re-sponsibilities, its mutual dependence and financial worries, It was a happy hap-py life for her. |