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Show fhl.Phillipr J? More Honorary Degrees For 1946 Toicks, Harriet Sue (secretary, stenographer and runner up for the 1937 Miss Yonkers award): Private secretary to Artemus G. Bilge, prominent business man and baseball base-ball addict, at no time did you ever meet the telephonic inquiry, "Is Mr. Bilge in?" with the reply, "Who is calling him?" This makes you an unique and extraordinary character. But above that it can be said that neither did you ever get the caller's call-er's name and then reply quickly, "Mr. Bilge is In Indo-Chlna for the week-end." Have a degree with ice cream on top. a Clabby, James B. (sports writer and gentleman of Integrity): Help yourself to any degree in the house, with music. Assigned to cover the training camps in connection with a world championship bout you refused re-fused to build up the battle beyond a reasonable point. You once went so far as to hint it might not be much of a battle. Wotta-man! Sooks, Herman G. (citizen, scholar schol-ar and bridge player): Asked to serve on a high-sounding committee to look Into the causes of juvenile delinquency, you let out a war whoop, banged your desk and demanded, de-manded, "What! Another committee? commit-tee? There are too many working on it already. To solve that problem prob-lem all you have to do is take a look at the movies." Here's our degree as Doctor of Candor. And have a glass of beer as you go out! HARD TO GET I told the man I'd like to get A little harmony; He said: "The ceilings are too low; Production isn't free"; I asked about some world accord, Prepared or in the rough; He shrugged his shoulders and replied, re-plied, "We just can't get the stuff." "What are my chances for some peace?" I asked him with a sigh; "The trouble tn," he answered me, "Demand exceeds supply"; "We need some trustfulness," I said "And honesty true blue"; He said, "It's awful hard to get, Not much is coming through." "Is tolerance 'yet coming through? How's patience and restraint?" "Production should be good," he said, "But just the same it ain't." Of milk of human kindness I Next made an Inquiry, But got the word I'd have to have A high priority. VANISHING AMERICANISMS "Here's a nickel; go get me a couple of melons." "Wanted: Maid and general house-worker; house-worker; $15 a week." "And also want some top round lor the dog and a little fresh liver for the cat." I ... A brewery worker, denied admission ad-mission to a union because he couldn't lift a 192-pound keg of beer from the street to a platform plat-form six feet high, brought suit. In a court test' to which six union brewery members were summoned sum-moned only one could do the stunt. Possibly the man who made the union rules was a "light beer" man. ... The three biggest tobacco companies com-panies in the country have been held to be a trust in violation of the anti-trust laws. We hope all were able to light a cigarette and find complete nonchalance. ... CAN YOU REMEMBER 'Away back when there ivas considerable consid-erable brotherly love in this country? The New York Telephone company com-pany Is 50 years old this yeai. It goes away back to the days when people could be happy when not talking. A Long Island doctor, unable to get an auto, is making his calls on a bicycle. bicy-cle. It must be nice to get "If hat you need is exercise" from a sawbones who is getting some. Pfc. Oscar Purkey was asked how things were coming along on his battle for a decent home and replied, re-plied, "It looks better. Most of the new roller coasters, chute-the-chutes and race tracks have been about completed." The skipper of a ferryboat has discovered that in a bread shortage seagulls will take cake. We asked John Kieran for confirmation. He reported that as an old seagull student stu-dent he could state that those birds prefer cake and have been known to fly 5,000 miles for a chocolate layer cake and put In another 1,000 miles if there were nuts on top. The line of the week: Jimmy Du-rante's Du-rante's "I guess I came into this just to get into a place that was air conditioned" on Information Please. |