Show d 4 N G crop 1 the he new fable of khe he galloping grim who tried to sit down by the wayside A certain affluent bachelor happened to be the only grandson ot of a rugged early settler who wore a coonskin cap and drank corn juice out of a jug away back in the days when every poor man had bacon in tho the smoke house this pioneer had been soaked in a trade and found himself loaded up with a swamp subdivision ja in the edge ot of town fifty years later the city had spread two miles beyond the swamp and grandson was submerged beneath so much unearned increment that he began to speak with what sounded soun fled to him like an english accent and his hia shirts were ordered from paris on the 1st ast ot of every mouth month the agents would crawl into the presence of 0 the grandson of the mighty muskrat hunter and dump before him a of paper money which had been snatched away from the struggling shopkeepers shop keepers who in turn had heedley heed led it from the people who paid ix a nickel apiece for sunday papers so as to look at the pictures of the decorations in the supper room at the assembly ball graced by the presence of the aforesaid bachelor whose grandfather had lifted the original catfish out ot of the chicago river then the representative of the old family would take a r arden rake and pattern all this hateful currency into a 11 neat mound after which a milk fed secretary would iron it out and disinfect it and sprinkle it with lilac water and tie it into artistic packets using old gold ribbon after that it was hard lines tor for the bachelor because he had to sit by a window at the CIO and dope out some new way of getting all that coin back into circulation As a result of these herculean efforts to vaporize his income he be found himself at the age of 40 afflicted with social gastritis he had gorged himself with nith the pleasures of this world until the sight ot of a menu card gave him the willies and the th mere mention ot of musical comedy would cause him to break down and cry like a child he had crossed the atlantic so often that he no longer wished to sit bit at the captains table ue ile had rolled them 1 m j te Z 4 N M had to dope out some way of getting the coin back into circulation high at monte carlo and watched the durbar at delhi and taken tea on the terrace at Shep heards in cairo and awed through japan and ridden the surf in honolulu while his namo name was a household word among the barmaids Har Bar maids of the lee ice palace in london otherwise berwise ot known as the savoy occasionally he would return to his provincial home to raise the rents on the shopkeepers shop keepers and give out an interview criticizing the ney new school ot of politicians tor for trifling with vested interests and seeking to disturb existing conditions any time his rako off was reduced from 10 a minute to lie he would let out a howl like a prairie wolf and call upon mortimer his man for or sympathy after twenty years yeara of 0 getting up at TI twilight light to throw aside the pyjamas pajamas and nd take a tub and ease himself into the ilia costume made famous by john trew the routine of 0 buying golden I 1 fearls and special cuvee buvee vintages for almost ladies preserved by dpn den boate ot of soda and other chemical mysteries hysterics began to lose its sharp zet la other words ts 12 was vas all in lie he was track sore and blase and tore as a crab and tull full ot of angway lie ho had played the whole string and found there war nothing to it and now lie he was waa ready to retire to a monastery aud and wear a gunny duany sack smoking jacket and live orn an spinach the vanities of the night world had got cot on his nerves at last instead ot of euing 8 feet away from an imported 0 beitra at 2 A M U and taur taunting ting his big poor old alimentary system with sea food he began to prefer to take bake a 10 grain sleeping powder and fall back in the alfalfa about noon the next day he woold wald come up tor for air and in order to 0 kir kil the rest of 0 the day he wilold lave tc hunt up a game came of 0 auction bridge with three or tour four other gouty old mavericks when the carbons begin to burn bum low in the sputtering arc lights along the boulevard ot of pleasure and the night wind cuts like laite a chisel and the reveler finds his bis bright crimson dran bran slowly dissolving itself toto il t helva headache there is byl but one thing for a wise ike to do and alid that la is to chop on the festivities and beat it to a rest cure that is just what tho the well fixed bachelor decided to ds dd ile he resolved to marry and get away from the bright lights and lie down somewhere in a quilted dressing gown and a pair of soft slippers and devot 1 I the remainder of his life to a gran 1 cleanup clean up of c the works of arnold den ben nett he selected a well seasoned senorita who nho was still young enough to show to your men friends but old enough to cut out all the prevalent Mush Mus gush ligush about the irish drama and art and buddhism and true symbolism ot of russian dancing best of all she bad a spotless repta tation holding herself down to one ona bronx at a time and always going behind a screen to do her inhaling they were married according to the new ceremonies devised by the ringling brothers As they rode away to their future home the old stager leaned back in the limousine and said at last the bird has lit I 1 am going to put on the simple life tor for an indefinite run I 1 have played tho hoopla hoop la game to a standstill so it la Is me for a haven of 0 rest As soon as they were safely in their own mn m n apartments the beautiful bride brida began to do flip flops and screech for joy at last I 1 have a license to cut loose she exclaimed for years yeara I 1 have hankered and honed to be deail dead lame game and back excitement right oil off the boards but every time I 1 pulled a caper the stern stem faced mater would be ba at elbow saying nix on the aerobatics or lose your number now im a regular honest hones t to goodness goodne sa married woman and I 1 dont recognize any limit except the skyline sky line I 1 grabbed you because I 1 knew you had been to all the places that keep open and could frame up a new Jam jamboree Jambo boreo reu every day in the year im going to plow an eight foot furrow across europe and dine forevermore at swell joints where famous show girls pass so close to your table that you can almost reach out and touch them im going to travel twelve months every year and do all the stunts known to the most imbecile globo globe trotters A few weeks after that a haggard man with tattered coattails coat tails was seen going over the old familiar jumps MORAL those who marry to escape something usually find something else |