OCR Text |
Show fhl.PhUlipr IMAGINARY INTERVIEWS-ADOLF INTERVIEWS-ADOLF AND THE KAISER WilhcLm Yoo hoo, Adolf! How's you doing? Adolf Keep quiet! Don't you know you're dead and done for? Wilhclm Yes. Do you? Adolf If I never hear another word from you it will be great. Wilhelm I can't help laughing. You harped so much about me not knowing how to lick the world! Adolf Forget it; I've got troubles enough. Wilhelm You'd better get yourself your-self a bucksaw. Adolf Nobody will ever see me using a bucksaw. Wilhelm What's good enough for me will be good enough for you. Adolf That's ridiculous. I gave the German people a leadership it will never be able to forget. Wilhelm You said it! Adolf Be sarcastic If you wish, but history will prove you were never In the same class with me as a warrior. Wilhelm I hope so! Adolf As leader of Germany I had a much bigger program than you ever dreamed of. Wilhelm I'll give you no ar- gument on that. But look what happened to it. Adolf I bad a lot of bad luck. Wilhelm Yah, and It came from the same places mine came from, England and the United States. It always puzzled me that you didn't profit from my mistake In drawing in America. Amer-ica. Adolf If It puzzled you think what it docs to me. I had the English as good as knocked out early in the war. Wilhelm The English are never nev-er dangerous except in the final rounds. I could have warned you. Adolf Why didn't you? Wilhelm Every time I tried to reach you you were climbing Into a microphone. They didn't have mikes in my day. Adolf What a break that was! I think maybe I went too far on , the radio. Wilhelm Why the "maybe"? Adolf Don't rub it in. We both made big mistakes. ( Wilhelm You took all my mistakes mis-takes and did them over in technicolor! techni-color! Adolf I still can't see how it happened. hap-pened. It all seemed so easy. France was a pushover, England was an old fogey, America was just a decadent deca-dent race of softies. Wilhelm You sound like one of my old phonograph recordings. Save time. Grab a saw and get busy! Adolf The Allies won't let me saw wood. And no country will let me set up a woodpile. Wilhelm Are you sure? Adolf I have it .in writing! Wilhelm Well, I'm sorry, old man. The world isn't what it used to be. Adolf You're telling me! WPB and the National Housing agency have decided to permit the release of materials for alterations and remodelings of buildings to provide pro-vide more flats where extreme housing hous-ing crises exist. "But first a community com-munity must be declared a critical area," the announcement says. Watch for the rush of politicians in cities all over the country to have their towns declared critical areas. Oh, man! a It was bound to happen! We talked to a Miami Beach man by phone yesterday and asked why he didn't make his proposed trip north this year. "I ain't up to it," he replied, "Those northern hurricanes have me Beared." NICE GOING John Kieran Jr., was given the bronze medal for meritorious achievement the other day. In the cold language of army awards the medal was for "outstanding leadership lead-ership and ingenuity in efficiently using enemy materials against its former owners in North Africa from July 10th to August 16th, 1943." In simpler language, the younger Mr. Kieran, facing a tough question, answered an-swered it even more rapidly than his old man. Restaurant Observation In my passage through U V I've distinctly observed He stands and he waits . Who expects to be served! Amy Grief. PRIVATE TURKEY MAKES A DISCOVERY Dear Ed! I Just had a close call inside Germany. Ger-many. I noticed so soon as I invaded in-vaded the place that nobody run out to shower me with kisses, and at first I get sore. Well, know what happens? hap-pens? A good-looking Nazi girl throws a kiss at me, and the next thing I know I am in a ambulance. Them Germans even mine their kisses. Oscar |