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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Second Marriage Brings Problems Boll Syndicate. WNU Footures. "Those first months of our romance when Raff was an air major seem like a dream to me now." By KATHLEEN NORRIS DORINE JAMES has made a wreck of her life. She wants to run away, get out of it all, find a new setup somewhere and try all over again. Well, we all feel that way sometimes. some-times. We feel that we could solve any other problems except the ones that our own selfishness or stupidity have brought upon us. Dorine married ten years ago at 22. She has one son, 7 years old. Here is her story in her own words: "My boy, Teddy, was always delicate, del-icate, and as I had a good job I left him much of the time with Hugh's mother. She has him now. In January, 1943, Hugh and I were divorced on grounds of mental cruelty. cruel-ty. I think now I was hasty, but I had met Raff, a major in the air service, and we were deeply in love. Temporarily, we thought, Hugh's mother could keep my son. "Raff, also divorced, has a daughter, now 14. Just before the war ended he was injured in a trial flight, so that he has lost a hand and suffers also from an eye injury. His professional life as an orthodonist is, of course, over. He has a generous pension, pen-sion, but to stretch it for the needs of three persons means anxious work and care, and I am worn down with it. "I never have been able to have my own boy, Teddy, with us, because be-cause we live in a hot, cheap, five-room five-room cottage and both his father and grandmother are in a position to give him every advantage, while I have nothing to offer. I do my worrying and working for another woman's child. Step-Daughter Is Unbearable. "All this," the letter continues, "I could bear. But it is my stepdaughter step-daughter who provides a completely complete-ly unbearable difficulty. She is at a bad age exacting, critical, scornful. scorn-ful. Her father, Raff, is patience itself, trying hard to help in any and every way. He pities Jean Marie. Ma-rie. If she would be civil and cooperative, co-operative, I would pity her too, for her letters to her mother, asking to be taken away, remain unanswered; unan-swered; and I know her heart and her pride are deeply cut. "Those first months of our romance, ro-mance, when Raff was an air major and we lived in big quarters and had a car, pleasant associates and the eternal excitement of war, seem like a dream to me now," the letter ends, "as I drudge on washing dish towels, take fat to the butcher, dust the books and make jelly dessert for our supper. I know I did it myself, my-self, and perhaps I did wrong. But 1st it fair that Hugh, my first husband, hus-band, should be prospering, happily hap-pily married, the father of baby girls, and I slaving away in this apparently hopeless rut? And not even succeeding at that, for Jean Marie is discontented, disobedient and unhappy, and that upsets the whole atmosphere of the cottage. Can you think of a way out?" My dear Dorine, I say in reply, you are not the ' only woman who has jumped from one obligation lightheartedly into another, not realizing that your only hope of stability, self-respect and peace of soul lay in sticking to your first promise. It is indeed a wretched situation in which you find yourself, your-self, but I think there is a way out At 14. Jean Marie is quite old enough to be her father's housekeeper, house-keeper, especially as he is always "Teddy was always delicata. ..." GET A JOB At certain periods most marriages reach a saturation point at which life appears to be routine, dull and lusterless. Practically everyone ex peri-ences peri-ences these humdrum interludes. inter-ludes. They usually persist for short spells but before we realize it, life once again is zestful, vibrant and fdled tvith pleasantries. Dorine complains to Miss Norris that she is hopelessly-slaving hopelessly-slaving her life away in a helpless rut. Her step-daughter is exacting, scornful and critical. Dorine cant understand under-stand why her ex-husband should be prospering while she must wade through endless end-less drudgery. In reply to Dorine' s letter. Miss IS orris emphasizes that she should have remained with her first spouse. But since the deed already has been committed, Miss Norris advises that Dorine get a job. This will minimize the friction fric-tion between her and her stepdaughter step-daughter as well as improve financial affairs at home. at home to protect and advise. Get yourself a job. There are fine shops in your town. It is growing fast and there will be ether shops. Go in first as a saleswoman. sales-woman. Make yourself the best of the saleswomen. Long before he thought I ever would be a saleswoman, sales-woman, which I was for a while in my 20th year, my father gave me some advice about office jobs. He said not to try to be the smartest, but to be the all-around best; always al-ways clean and fresh; always on time; always willing to do a little extra work to help someone; always al-ways interested; always scrupulously scrupulous-ly polite; always careful to make notes, write things down, remember remem-ber messages. Acquire a Reputation. Anyone can do these things. There is no secret about them. They 1 mean that when the higher-up comes in to ask for "your best woman," wom-an," you are that woman. It means that when the superintendent looks over the field to find someone to take her place, she picks you. There will be women more clever, better dressed, younger, but they'll have their faults desk disorder, tardiness, arrogance, arro-gance, unfriendliness, giggling, absorption in their own affairs. The quieter woman, who is never nev-er conspicuous, never disagreeable, disagree-able, never inconveniencing everyone ev-eryone by lateness or eagerness to get away, always wins in the end. With Raff's pension and your salary, sal-ary, financial affairs will improve at home. Jean Marie will have wholesome responsibility. She, instead in-stead of you, will be blamed for unanswered telephones or unopened grocery parcels. Her father's influence influ-ence is bound to be good. It will develop her, and your freedom from that too-pressing home atmosphere at-mosphere will do you good. You don't need a woman. Those, two can manage perfectly well. In time, your improving salary will enable you to find nicer quarters and perhaps to borrow for a visit to the little son you betrayed. Women Wom-en have worked their way out of far worse situations than this. Good luck to you! |