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Show .,,,,, ,.,,,.,., y 7 1 r ' " "11-- 1 p.- X f Vs. . -"' 1 i ""'" . - i . ... '':;''- : ' , i, ' V .. "m" - i , V' - .. , , - V' " " f tiff'' ' x - ' - Curried Chicken ond Rice Soad, Chicken au Poivre, Chicken Stew Provenco I PARENTING By Denise S. Yannone rrv member when your ; 1 youngster broke your : I v-v favorite vase? r lhe " I'Ti'i time (times!) when your : toddler looked at you : tia with all the defiance ': those little eyes could muster : and uttered an emphatic "NO!" ; These are things that can drive parents to distraction. Most of us lose control at times even those of us who are mild-mannered. Often we try to : hold our anger in check, but -! somehow the ire just seems to slip through the barriers. : Even when we're angry at someone or something else, we may inadvertently vent our 7 frustrations on the little ones. After all, there is not much chance that they can offer armed resistance, they can't fire us from our job, throw garbage on our lawn or report us to the IRS. We forget, though, how much our anger hurts them. In confrontations with children, it remains the responsibility of the adult to maintain self-control, objectivity and a sense of humor. It is also important that adults set an example free of hypocrisy and the "do as I say and not as 1 . do" syndrome. How logical is it for Mom or Dad to scream at their child for screaming at a sibling or playmate? We must remember to view ourselves as our children view us. There are many ways to keep from getting angry and to keep : from exploding. Often, self-control self-control saves a precarious situation from blowing up into a disaster. ':. Here are a few suggestions :: that may help parents achieve Z b- r 5-.: and harmony . .': in me home. Use them when the i situation calls for fast thinking :: ;.; and nerves of steel. : Humor. One of the best ways to defuse a tense situation and : relieve hostility is through the ' use of laughter. Humor works L : well with children and adolescents, but it will only r : work with adults who remember how to laugh. Once in a while it helps to laugh at yourself. Control. Wind a piece of masking tape around your wrist. Make a mark on the tape ever time you raise your voice or lose your temper. Keep a daily tally for one week. You may be amazed at the frequency of your outbursts. Work at decreasing the number of marks as you become more conscious of your emotions. Delay. When you feel your self-control slipping, try the old technique of counting to 10. This can be done silently or aloud. If you are busy counting, you're less likely to hear the whining of a toddler or the pinging of your nerves. Replacement. Think of your child as he or she looks fast asleep. See yourself tucking the covers around that angelic face. Hold the thought until the anger passes. You might feel like hugging instead of hitting. Fantasy. Picture yourself cruising to a tropical island. No one feels like yelling when they are on a cruise. Or imagine that you just won a million dollars. Fantasize about what you would do with the money. Earmark some for a babysitter. Release. Go into the bathroom, lock the door and scream at yourself in the mirror. This releases your anger and you can see how awful you look when you are angry. This alone might be a powerful deterrent to raising your voice. D'stract. Make lists of things to do. Organize your silverware drawer. Clean a closet. Exercise. Walk the dog. Jog. Put on the record and do a jazz routine. Compare. Try to recall how you felt when your parents screamed at you. Your children feel the same way. Maybe worse. Analyze. Above all else, try to consider the reasons for your anger. Does the situation really merit your reaction? Establish, if you can, the roots of your anger and try to deal with the feelings at their source. Usually it is not our children with whom we feel angry. Sometimes it is ourselves. If you find yourself losing your temper frequently, it may be wise to siep back and evaluate the situation. Is it really the little ones who are pressuring you or does your life contain too much stress from outside sources? If you can honestly say that there is no time however minimal during the day that you can call your own, then heed this danger signal. Even in a household with crying babies, there must be priorities. Don't try to be a super-parent, homemaker, breadwinner and general all-around all-around perfect person. In the end all the members of the household will be short-changed, especially you. Get help. If extra help would relieve pressure and it is affordable, then find another pair of hands as quickly as possible. If your financial situation is tight, there are still ways of coping. Neighborhood youths are often available as mother's helpers at a nominal fee, for instance. Babysitting co-ops let you trade time with other parents at little or no charge. -Ask for tips. One of my friends, a busy professional woman and mother of two preschool pre-school boys, sized up her hectic life with an eye toward saving precious time which she felt was wasted on trivia. One of her ideas was to purchase the same style socks in two or three basic colors for each of the boys. When it came time to fold laundry it was a simple matter to match the socks without regard to ownership or style. She swears she has saved at least an hour a week with this simple trick. She spends that hour playing with her boys. Don't hesitate to ask for help in structuring your daily routine. Other parents of young children can serve as excellent resources. Most important, don't put off giving your children the patience and attention they need. The cradle will soon be empty, but their hearts and lives will always be filled with the love you've given them.B |
