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Show Nam Tales - " B13 a Lieutenant in tKe United States Naiuj iililll RED TAPE Yh ED TAPE was once the means of -V tying up official documents. Nowadays Now-adays red tape is the means of tving UP most anything from gumshoes to governments. Red tape may draw a line against the errors of slipshod workers. More often, however, It fetters fet-ters efficiency and makes a hangman's noose for action. Once In the fleet there was a captain cap-tain who desired an especially conve-Jlent conve-Jlent form of waste basket. He had it made on requisition by the navy yard. Unfortunately just as It arrived aboard he was ordered to another ship. In the confusion of departure the waste basket bas-ket remained behind. At the end of the quarter the captain's cap-tain's yeoman (clerk) made an Invoice as per "regs." Everything checked up O. K. but the basket. It was missing, and it could not be "expended" he-cause he-cause it was an item of some value and rather new. A letter of inquiry was sent to the old ship stilting the case and requesting request-ing that the article be forwarded. After Af-ter some weeks the letter was returned return-ed with several sheets of endorsements endorse-ments attached. It turned out that the navigator had taken the basket with him when he went to command a Pacific Pa-cific coast cruiser. The navigator "respectfully stated" that his baggage had gone adrift, the basket with it. Whereupon a survey or investigation was ordered by the original owner. The yeoman prepared all papers in due form explaining the loss of the article and forwarded them .o Washington. These papers including six endorsements endorse-ments of explanation were sent out to the navigator. He smeared on a few more and mailed the packet back to his old ship. On arrival the batch was not fully understood. It was endorsed a few times more and boosted on to headquarters, who shot it back to the captain. Briefly that packet made the circuit four and a half times. Each time it connected a few dozen more endorsements, endorse-ments, remarks, comments, Inquiries and "respectful statements. Finally tlie captain called In his yeoman. yeo-man. "Jones," he said, "if I find that blankety-blank waste basket batch of rot on my desk again I'm going to disrate dis-rate you to coal-passer. If I don't find It I'll rate you up to chief." Jones aye-aye-sired and heat It. He looked up the monthly difference In pay between his rate and that of chief. It was something like ten dollars. He went ashore and spent ten beans. Next day the captain found under his desk a fine new waste basket. It was Just like the one he'd lost. In the bottom of it was a pile of paper torn to bits. Red tape had been snipped into in-to a million pieces. But suppose everybody started snip-ring. snip-ring. SLOP CHEST MASTLESS battleships before long. A few years hence the last remnant rem-nant of oldtime spars will be uprooted and laid in the navy yards to rot. Rigging Rig-ging has already gone. Upperworks are going. Elimination of tlie useless Is the cry. There is also metamorphosis. No, that's not a kind of bug. Metamorphosis Metamorpho-sis is change, such as dough to flapjacks flap-jacks (not to dimes); mud to bricks; apesi to men. Though the samples will not bear too keen philosophical scrutiny scru-tiny they serve to illustrate the way old naval customs have become so rooted In the service that they do not disappear even after centuries, anil when the old Roman catapult has given way to hundred-ton breech loaders. load-ers. They merely change. On a long cruise the sailorman runs shy of clothing. His work sutlers In proportion to his ill-clad condition. Skippers have recognized this maritime mari-time maxim by keeping a slop-chest. Aboard a tidy man-of-war any mess Is known as 'slops.' Slop-chests hold a miscellaneous supply of seaman's clothing. IIiiice the name. An account of the first slop-chest was chronicled In 4.".0 B- C. It contained con-tained 1,000 garments, assorted in three sizes. The garments were exactly ex-actly alike and cut to fit the stern-sheets stern-sheets of galley slaves. Ethnologists sometimes refer to them (the garments) gar-ments) as breech-clouts. Tlie largest was a m'.utieal cubit in circumference or nearly a life-size fathom. Columbus gave us the next authentic nccount of slop-chests In 1W2. He included in-cluded leather hoots, woven shirt, dirks, breeches, sen -bonnets and neckerchiefs, neck-erchiefs, lie makes no mention of wrist watches. John Paul Junes turned the "slop-lob" "slop-lob" over to his snporoari-'o or purser. However, be got his little rake-olT at the end of the cruise. For It must be understood that -.i"1 mi!. and a month out fixes a pretty g.,o,I price on necessary apparel. Gum-boots were the greatest step after the Civil war. M see -Ies put (hem down as a sign that the navy was going to h 1. "The idea of a tar minding mind-ing wet feet!" Yet they dally turned to the chest for so wins pear, needles nnd thimbles, and the like. 1 Then the Twentieth Century broke Ike u ty,.l.i ii over our world. A nolo- caust of progress swept away the relics of man's past. Mechanical genius was supreme. Only the charred char-red stubbie of original ideas remained. Tlie slop-chest was one. Now we have the "Clothing and Small Stores Room." In It our mechanical mechan-ical Jack may procure silk neckerchiefs, necker-chiefs, Sheffield steel knives, and hand-sewn hand-sewn shoes, not boots, but gloves for his feet. The captain makes no rake-off, rake-off, and the purchase record is in quadruplicate. quad-ruplicate. It's still the slop-chest, however, how-ever, only different. That is metamorphosis ; which Is sometimes better thnu liver pills for cleansing life. AIR CREDIT THE world has conceded the genius of Wright and Curtlss, but only as individuals. In reality our national aeronautic prowess runs back sixty years and more. When we contemplate the 51.000,-000.000 51.000,-000.000 which has been suggested for the next aviation budget, and the plan of building 50.800 machines in one year It is a little difficult to understand the government's former attitude. The "balloon idea" was brought to Washington In 1SG1 by Professor Lowe. He was a young inventor who started us making artificial Ice. He died only four years ago after a long life which was calculated to spite his enemies in the capitol. They had called call-ed him a lunatic when he proposed to fly over the Confederate lines and bring back Information. There was a rumor that the hostile army was about to attack. Young Lowe's balloon was used as a last resort. re-sort. He ascended about 3.000 feet, drifted over the enemy batteries, and returned with what proved to he straight dope that Johnny Red had no Intention of starting anything. This exploit was such a feather In Lowe's bonnet that his pay was Increased In-creased to $10 a day. Which ruined him. For, though he made subsequent flights or drifts, the "gross indecency of paying a common Prof, such a sum when men were dying for less," created cre-ated a near-riot. As a compromise It was reduced to SO. But his retirement soon followed. Sic semper the "clt." Tlie Union army then made its own "aerostats," as they were called. Rcj ular reconnaissance work was carried out. but as the balloon was always captive the zone of Inquiry was very narrow. Foreigners came over to investigate in-vestigate the wild rumors which had become r'.fe In Europe. The technique of tin's early aviation corps was very crude. Their gas bags were of rough cotton goods, oiled, nnd douhled-spliced at the seams. Inflation was achieved, by means of'hot air from a pine-knot fire. A heavy rope anchored anchor-ed the balloon. Several times this got foul of the operators on the ground and had to be cut. The observer landed land-ed when and where he could. Usually he drowned or else ate bis supper In a Confederate prison camp. STREAMS THE britlge is shrouded In Impenetrable Im-penetrable gloom. So is tlie ofheer-of-the-deck. Inky black Is the splotch of a battleship ahead. Two shades blacker is the Motch of another in swift pursuit astern. The fleet is steaming 'darkened' In column. A hell rings. Tlie O. O. F. never takes his tense eyes from tlie rail. "Hello." shouts a quartermaster down tlie enginerootii voice-tube. "Condenser 1 temperatures show we've run out of I the stream," comes the muffled report. I "U-m-m," grunts the O. O. D. as though bored. But he Isn't. lie knows tlie Gulf Stream has iieen left behind. The knowledge is as definite as a "Times Square!" shouted by a subway guard. SI reams of ocean currents are the great rivers of the sea. Movement of the witter is caused mostly by winds prevailing in one direction for long periods of time. The Gulf Stream is f0 to 2r.O miles In width and flows at the leisurely pace of 3 to o miles an hour. It swings upward along the Florida coast, is de-1 de-1 fleeted by Ilatteras. anil shoots a cool tbr?e thousand miles to Iceland and the British Isles. A southern branch strikes the "Roily of Europe." as the Bay of Biscay Is awkwardly called. All these eonntrics it warms. But the Atwi ieen coast shivers In the chill of an arctic current. This fritfiil streara squirts from the iee;!h of I'.eltin hay and ilmieh.-H wlili its I cooled sj.ray the rocks of I.: ..:. d..r and M:ti:ie iii'I the yellow .b-rs.-y s:; lies. If. as has In 1 n proposed, a mem-moth mem-moth breakwater wi re built ori-twcrd fro:a New I'o-,: nd!:i nd shooting t'ip northern cum at out. America would become tr. i-:e.'i! in cl'mate while our El.LT'isll hre; hl el, bu'-- SIlolV i'oOs. In the I'aeitic a Japan current and one from I -I . :-: r : ij se.. eorresT'Oi,fj the warm snl cold pair In the Atlantic. At-lantic. The l:i-!;::n coast, like Bag land, is warm. I'.elow 1h ce;:re:it.'t tips n grent stre::tn r-:r. ';'. n aroand the w;,r!d. In the Soarli .v:::::;ic. Sou'h pacific and lad n oc,-?;;;s are huge lazy vhirl-pools vhirl-pools ?,.' ci n.iics in diameter caused by contrary currents. |