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Show QertherecT Smiles HER IDEA OF HONOR. Mrs. Percy V. Pennypacker, the new president of the General Federation of Woman's Clubs, Kaid In San Francisco of the new woman: "My type of new woman has a high Bense of honor, a manly aen.se of honor. hon-or. She isn't like a certain old-fashioned type of woman who does dishonorable dis-honorable thinss without the least notion no-tion of their being so. 1 "A woman of this type was playing play-ing bridge, iier partner passed the make to her, and she made It diamonds; dia-monds; but her hand, on being put down, was found to contain only two diamonds, both very low cards. " 'What on earth Induced you to go diamonds on such a hand as that?' Jier partner asked. " 'It's your fault,' she answered petulantly. pet-ulantly. 'Why did you twiddle your diamond ring?' " Her Purpose. Lady I ventured to call on you for your opinion, professor. Do you think it would do my son good to study the piano? Famous Pianist Does he Bhow any taste for it? Lady Not the least. But his hair lias been falling out so much lately and everything else we have tried has dono no good at all! Punch. How Soon They Forget. "Your line offers few luxuries.", "We subordinate everything to safety," safe-ty," said (he agent. "Just consider our safety appliances." "But this ship has no shuffleboard." "'J' r ue." "No squash court." "No. Would you rather risk your life?". "Well, I guess I'll take a chance." What It Was. "I think times must be getting bet-ler." bet-ler." "I haven't noticed any improvement." improve-ment." "Neither have I, but it appears to me that the book agents have been more numerous recently than usual. That's a sign." "No, you're wrong. That's no sign; it's a nuisance." 1 WHERE. Jinks I see a judge says that a woman may bring an action for slander slan-der if, being 35 or over, she Is called an old maid. Blinks Yes, but where Is the old maid who will admit that she's 35 or over? Knew the Symptoms. His wtfey cooed a loving note, In most bewitching way; He drew his check-book from his coat And aid, "How much today?" All Alike. "They tell me that your small boys says some unusually clever things." "Yes, yes. Did you hear his latest?" "Sure." "Why, you never met him." "True. But I've met a lot of doting fathers who invariably tell the same old silly tales." High Finance. "Charley, dear," said young Mrs. Torkins, "did you say those blue chips were worth a dollar apiece?" "Yes." "Well, here is a whole boxful that I got for ninety-eight cents with some other colors thrown in." A Valuable Volunteer. "I thiuk I shall join this fly swatting swat-ting crusade." said Algy Wombat to his valet. "Very good, sir." "So the next time you see a fly, I wish you would call my attention to It and I shall swat it." Not Exactly. "What do you think of the American occupation?" Inquired the man who was interested in the Philippines. "Do you mean auction bridge?" In-Qulred In-Qulred the man who was interested in less weighty things. At the Market. "What did he want for that stuff?" "Thirty shillings." "What did you bid him?"1 "Good morning." Manchester Guar-fllan. Guar-fllan. When Women Campaign. "Why i she going around in that ft cent hat?" "After rotes, of course. She has a (SO confection that she wears on the Uy- Other Vocations. "How many graduated from Yell-vard Yell-vard this June?" "Five hundred and ten." "All going Into professional baseball, base-ball, I s'pose?" "Not at all," retorted the dean peevishly. peev-ishly. "That sort of talk is becoming becom-ing offensive. We have two men who expect to be doctors and one man who is going into -his father's hardware store." To Make Them Smart. Landlady You believe in mustard plasters, doctor?" M. D. "Rather! I always order them for patients who call me out in the middle of the night when there's nothing the matter with 'em. The Scalpel. WELL WRAPPED. Dickson I understand that you filled fill-ed your incubator full of cold-storage eggs. Hatch anything? WIckson I should say so! All the chickens came out with fur Instead oi feathers and wore ear muffs. Four-Line Philosophy. However fair this world may be, For him It will be fairer yet. Who strives the brighter side to see , . And seldom does what he'll regret Anything May Happen. "What are you sniffing at?" "I see here a report that a child was born with a full set of teeth." "Well?" "How do such impossible reports get abroad?" "Do not be too incredulous. Strange things happen. Seems to me that I have heard a report that a Boston child was once born with eyeglasses." Voluble. ' "I suppose your wife had something to say to you about staying out late last night?" "Not a thing." "Gee, you're a lucky man. My wifs talked for an hour." "So did mine. She doesn't need to have anything to say in order to talk." A Sensitive Nature. "Mr. Bristles says you are not a polite and considerate man." "I know it," replied the patient person. per-son. "During a rainstorm he telephoned tele-phoned to ask me to lend him my un-brella un-brella and overshoes, and now he feels slighted because I wouldn't bring them over to his house." A Smoker's Philosophy. "Doesn't it make you warmer to smoke in hot weather?" "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it does, but smoking soothes me so that I don't notice it." AFTER PARTICULARS. George Yes, I got most of my education edu-cation by traveling. - Evelyn Did you? Have you ever been out of this country? How's Your Imagination? When all ilfe'9 days are shadow days And all life's walks are dim. Imagine every venture pays And you're still In the swim!. Overpowering. "Is you gwiue ter let dat mewel do as he please?" asked Uncle Ephriam's wife. "Wha's you' will power?" "My will power's all right," he answered. an-swered. "You jest want ter come out hyar an" measure dis here mewel'i won't power." Christian Register. The Dear Girl. "Wife, why don't you make some flannel cakes?" The bride was green at cooking, but she was game. "I will, if you wish It," she said. "Shall I use red or white flannel?" |