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Show LfhLPhiiiipT THE T1UAL OF ADOLF HITLER Bailiff-Mr. Schickelgruber to the bar! Hitler You can't do this to mel A Voice Wanna bet? Q. What is your occupation? A. I was a paper hanger until I gave it up. Q Why did you give it up? A. My wall paper selections drove the customers crazy. Q. Why didn't you let them make their own selections? A. I wanted to be boss of everything, every-thing, even then. . . . Q. You also did some oil painting, paint-ing, did you not? A Yes. but that's not among the crimes I'm being tried for, I hope. Q. It should be. r You also were an ar- chitect? A. Yes, sir. A " iA Q Did you have T any clients? '(f A. Not after they VJTt S3W my kluepruls- I .' .... q when did you decide to give up honest ways of making a living and found a new order? A. One day when I looked into a full-length mirror. Q. What happened to influence influ-ence you? A. I saw a reflection of Napoleon. Na-poleon. Q. Only one? A. Sometimes I wonder. Q. To what do you attribute your rapid rise to complete domination of the German people? Was it something some-thing you ate? A. No. It was something THEY ate. Q. Where were you on the night of August 31, 1939? A. Ach, if I could only forget it! Q. Why did you in- i vade Poland? . 7?Div A. It was not an invasion; it was coun-terattack coun-terattack with pur- ( J Q. Do you still V, think anybody here will believe that one? . A. No, but it's my only chance. Q. You also attacked Belgium, Holland, Norway and other small nations in violation of treaties. You are charged with the bombing of defenseless de-fenseless towns, wanton destruction of shrines, schools and great historic his-toric sites, machine-gunning refugees, refu-gees, the murder of hospital inmates and general barbarism. What is your plea? A. I deny everything. Q. On what basis? A. On the grounds a cooked goose can't depend on its memory. mem-ory. Q. You signed a pact of friendship friend-ship with Russia and then stabbed her in the back with-i with-i I out warning. What about that? V A. When I sign a D . 'jJ'fc3 should be warning IV U II enough! N'c7 Q- won't yu CS"-Tft. please cease being $tS& arrogant, insolent, boastful and altogether altogeth-er offensive? A I'm not being arrogant, insolent, inso-lent, e.tc; it's just my radio manner. judgeThat reminds me; I think the prisoner's radio speeches should be added to his crimes. q Do you remember that speech where you said you would never take off your uniform until you had licked the world? Whatever became of that uniform? A After four years without being be-ing removed it became so infested with cooties that I became the world's outstanding subject for de-lousing de-lousing by unanimous consent. Judge I think we have heard enough. The jury will retire for ten seconds and reach a verdict. HitlerNo jury ever reached a verdict in ten seconds. judge This one will. STRAIGHT MAN A man I like is Marshal Smuts- He never deals in "ifs" and "buts. Well those bundists convicted and on their way to serve prison terms, were all shown in the newspaper photographs, grinning if not leering at the rest of us as if it were all a very funny matter with quite a light and airy side. Which renews E mer Twitchell's campaign o Cease Glorifying Indefensible Grinning. I there is anything that offends mos Americans it is these snapshots oi all sorts of law breakers, leering while police and court officials slai.d about smiling sweetly, too. Whats the laugh? It escapes us. |
