OCR Text |
Show :JLLIlK!K Nautical Lingo A young ensign, very insistent he must have leave, was asked the reason by his commanding officer. "My wife is expecting a baby," he replied. "Listen, young man, remember this you are only necessary at the laying of the keel. For the launching you are entirely superfluous." super-fluous." Fingerprints The more children's fingerprints in a home, the fewer on police blotters. blot-ters. Economics Student The high school lad had asked for more spending money. "You don't know the value of a dollar, son," sighed the father. "Yes, I do," replied the lad, "as of last week it was 61 cents, as compared with 1939 standards." TOO SHORT A woman stepped off the penny scales and turned to her husband. He eyed her appraisingly and asked, ask-ed, "Well, what's the verdict? A little overweight?" "Oh, no," said his wife, "I wouldn't say that. But according to that height table on the scale I should be about six inches tallerl" Modern Ghost High taxation forced a Leicestershire Leicester-shire noble to sell his ancestral estate to a person of large, if recent, re-cent, means. The new owner spent a great deal more money in improvements, im-provements, and one day asked the nobleman to come down and look them over. Making conversation, the former owner inquired how his ancestor, the ghost who used to walk up and down the grand staircase stair-case all night, was behaving. "Oh, "im!" replied his host, "we can't get a wink of sleep on 'is account all night 'e keeps ringing for the elevator!" FORMALITY A retired Navy captain on the administrative staff of a southern university still clung to his rank. And when a young veteran named Brown said to him, "I'd like to talk with you about entering the university, Mr. Smith," he was enraged at being addressed "Mr." "Captain Smith to you, young man!" he stormed. Looking him straight in the eye, and standing at attention, the young veteran snapped back, "And in that event. Colonel Brown to you, sir!" An Analogy Stalin's failure to go to the rescue of North Korea prompted the following fol-lowing story attributed in Paris diplomatic di-plomatic circles to Warren Austin, American delegate to the United Nations: Na-tions: ' An enormously fat man struggled into a standing bus and plumped down in a seat. "Look." he cried to a neighbor, "see all these people pushing in here! I.onk al those men on the curb shoving in ahead of the women! It's out ui-nus! " "You've got a si-iit," . said the neighbor. "What are yuu complain ing about?" "But look:" cried the fat man "They're all crowding in ahead of my wife!" |