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Show More Respect Please It sounds too good really to be true, but my friend claims it did happen. He was lounging in this tavern, watching television, of course, when a man came up beside him. "What'll it be? the barkeep asked. "Oh," the guy said, being coy ' about it all, "tall, cold and full of gin." With that, a fellow one stool over who had had maybe one too many pulled himself erect. "Sir," he hiccuped, "I'll have you know you're talking about the woman wom-an I love." PRETTY LATE Funeral Director: "How old are you, sir?" Aged Mourner: "I'm 98." Funeral Director: "Hardly worth going home, is it?" No Justice A taxi driver- whose meter registered regis-tered twenty cents received just that amount from a prosperous looking look-ing customer. "That's correct, isn't it?" the customer asked the cabby as he stared at the two dimes. "It's correct," answered the cabby, "but it ain't right." ' Meow! The butcher was busy waiting on a customer when a woman rushed in and said, "Give me a pound of cat food, quick!" Turning to the other customer she said, "I hope you don't mind my getting waited on before you." "Not if you're THAT hungry," the other woman replied. NOT IMPRESSED A group of Chicagoans were showing show-ing a visiting Texan the town. "What do you think of our stock yards?" they asked. "Man, we got brandin' corrals in Texas bigger'n this." "Well," they asked further, "what do you think of the imposing skyscrapers sky-scrapers of the Chicago skyline?" "Why, man, we got tombstones in Boot Hill digger than those." That night they put a brace of snapping turtles in his bed. When he turned down the covers and asked what they were, he was told, "Illinois "Illi-nois bedbugs." He peered at them a moment. "So they are," he agreed. "Younfe 'uns, ain't they?" r No Rime Nor Reason Little George's evening was ending end-ing up in the usual manner. His mother had ordered him to bed, he had demanded to know why he had to retire so early, and she had told him. Following the usual pattern he had turned to his father. "Pop," he complained, "women sure are unreasonable!" Papa watched Mamma out of the corner of his eye, and timidly inquired: in-quired: "Why, son?" "Well," explained the thoughtful youngster, "tonight Mom says, 'George, you are too young to stay up.' Know what she'll say in the morning. Pop? She'll say. Get up. George You're too big to stay in bed! Y"ii can't win, Pop!" |
