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Show Perfect Agreement A well-know judge once had a case before him in which the plaintiff plain-tiff was represented by a very nervous young barrister. When the barrister rose to begin his address to the jury, he stammered, "My unfortunate client " and there he stuck. He tried again and in a shaking voice he managed to say, "My unfortunate client " but he could get no further. Clearing his throat, he quavered for the third time, "My unfortunate client ." Again his voice failed. "Come, come," interrupted the judge, "proceed with your address. So far the court agrees with you." Election Fraud 1 They say nothing is more uncommon uncom-mon than a Republican voter in Mississippi, as this story proves. The election board in this Mississippi Mis-sissippi town came across a Republican Repub-lican vote. Caught by surprise, they Ididn't know what to do, so they laid It aside. Some time later they llound a second G.O.P. vote. By How entirely confused, they visited vis-ited the election judge. "Why," the judge roared, "throw 'em both out the dirty so-and-so voted twice!" Dilemma! Some kids were having a party and they decided to play postoffice. The first little boy and girl went into the closet and didn't come out. The other kids called to them to come out immediately. "We can't," came a muffled reply. "We hava our braces hooked!" j Comeback Taxi Driver (Helping obese lady Into cab) "You ought to take yeast, sister, to help you rise better." Corpulent Lady "Take some yourself, brother. You'll be better 'bred." D. L. (DON'T, DO LAUGH) lltif YAKETY YAK Folks along the C. & O. line up in' Eastern Kentucky like to tell a story about a rather dense character char-acter who once worked briefly for the line. This man's job was to do nothing more than check on all cars as they entered the yard and to check those which needed repairs of one kind or another. Those marked for repairs later would be switched over to the shop, the others sent out to pick up freight. Well, after this character had been on the job one day, the switch crew went out to pick up the cars. However, the crew found every car had "DG" freshly chalked on the side. "How In the world can I tell the O.K. cars from the bad ones?" the crew chief stormed. "And what In blazes does 'DG' mean?" . "Guess I made a slight mistake," the guy apologized " 'DG' means 'Do Go' and 'Don't Go!" " Jones suggested to his wife that they go over to the neighbor's house and watch the baseball game on television. For three hours they watched the game, then sat through a wrestling match for another hour. Finally Mrs. Jones said: "Harry, don't you think it's about time . . ." "Say!" interrupted her husband, "did you come over here to jabber or to watch television?" Just as Effective Jud had been given a jail sentence sen-tence for stealing a keg of beer. An elderly lady, who made it a practice to visit the prisoners, sought to comfort him. "Remember," "Remem-ber," she said brightly, "stone walls do not a prison make." "That may be," replied Jud, gloomily, "but they sure keep a fellow from getting out." Fooled Again Bob "I'm getting stronger." Helen "How do you know?" Bob "Because a few years ago I couldn't carry ten dollars' worth. of groceries and now it's easy." HOW INCONSIDERATE! MM FAIR DIVISION His health wasn't any too good, so the Eastern city-dweller went looking for a place to live in the Southwest. In one small town in Arizona he approached an old timer sitting on the steps of the general store. "Say," he asked, "What's the death rate around here?" - "Same as it is back East, bub," answered the old fellow, "one to a person." They were having just one more at the bar when an old friend, previously pre-viously ' quite normal, walked through the door, up the wall, across the ceiling and down the other wall. There was a moment of stunned silence, then: "What do you know about that!" one drinker exclaimed to the other. "He didn't even speak to us!" Clean Kid Removing finger smudges from the doors in the house, Mother asked, "Ann, are your hands dirty? Did you put them on the doors?" "Oh, no," replied Ann. "Those can't be my finger marks I always al-ways kick the doors open!" No Guide Needed The two women were telling each other about weddings. "I went to Jean's wedding the other day and, as she and the groom were going down the aisle, the lights went out!" "Goo'ness!" exclaimed the other femme. "What did they do?" "They just kept on walking. This is Jean's seventh marriage, you know, and she's familiar with every step of the way." DIDN'T PLAY Hostess: "Did that rude husband hus-band of mine ask you not to play?" Musical Guest: "Oh, no, Mrs. Jones, he only asked me not to play a certain tune." Hostess: "What was it he said?" Guest: "He said not to play 'For the Love of Pete.'" The Truth Many a man who is proud of his right to say what he pleases, wishes he had the courage to do so. YOUNG AMERICA The beginners at Sunday school were told to draw a picture of the flight into Egypt. One little girl turned in a picture of an airplane, air-plane, with three people in the back, wearing halos. and a fourth up front, without a halo. Perplexed, Per-plexed, the teacher asked the little girl who the fourth person was. "Oh," replied the youngster, "that's Pontius, the pilot." Family Mixup Two Hollywood youngsters were talking as they walked home from school. "I've got two little brothers broth-ers and one sister," boasted one, "How many do you have?" "I don't have any brothers and sisters," answered the second lad, "but I do have five papas by my first mama and three mamas by my first papa." |