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Show Kalliloen Norris Says: (7m and Hear It Hull H,vlllllc-ul. WNIJ 1'duluirn. Vv f&m?l m- MIL V ) J W W'1'! (7 ; " "Those babies of yours are belter off with a neglectful yet friendly and gay mother, and their grandmother's daily visits, than they would be in an institution." By KATHLEEN NORRIS THERE are times when there is no immediate cure for an intolerable situation; times when we simply sim-ply have to grin and begr it. There is no use arguing about justice and reason; they have nothing to do with it. Things are all wrong and they are going to stay wrong, and we have to wait for the long months or years to bring about the change. Such a case seems to be that of a lieutenant who writes me from Florida; his wife and two babies live In Worcester, Mass. They can't go to him, for it is impossible to find living quarters where he is, and he gets home to visit only now and then. "My wife is extremely pretty," says his letter. "She is 10 years younger than I, which means she is 24. Our children are a girl of 5 and a boy of 4. "Betty is gay and friendly, she loves a good time, and well, in a word, she is unfaithful to me. She goes about with a ta si crowd, stays away nights, neglects the children, runs into debt, and is altogether unsatisfactory. un-satisfactory. If I reproach ber for an untidy home, crying children who always al-ways have colds in their heads, unpaid un-paid bills, and affairs with other men she only laughs. She doesn't deny-anything. Desperately, when I was last at home, I accused her of hfivinp lnvprs nnd Eh nnKWrrI UNDUTIFUL MOTHER A lieutenant, soon to be sent overseas, asks Miss Norris inhere lie can find a nursery for his two children, aged four and five. Their mother is not dead, nor even sick; she is just too busy enjoying herself to be bothered much with her babies. If hat care they do receive re-ceive comes from their maternal ma-ternal grandmother. This young army officer jeels that he must take his children from their mother and put them in a home so that he will be assured as-sured that they will be cared for while he is atvay. Miss Norris advises him to make the best of a bad situation situa-tion and to leave the children with their mother. This is best for everyone. Miss Norris advises. ad-vises. Even a neglectful mother moth-er is better than an institution, she says. When the war is over, this young woman may have, matured considerably. She may be quite happy to settle set-tle down to the responsibilities of married life. to endure what you can't, at the moment, cure. Write Betty as pleasantly pleas-antly and affectionately as you can. Trust her to grow up, to improve, to become a better mother. Praise her to her mother, and praise her mother to her. If, as your letter indicates, your last talk with her was somewhat in the nature of an angry scene, ignore it. Write her as if it had not occurred. oc-curred. You will find that she has cooled down, too, and will be glad to resume relationship on the old basis. When you are away, send her a present now and then, if you can. In other words, make the best of a bad situation, and wait until the war ends to come to another understanding. understand-ing. No Code of Decency. Sheer decency should have kept Betty from these excesses, of course. Sheer decency on the part of certain national leaders would have prevented this war, and you would be at home still, in your normal occupation, oc-cupation, able to protect your wife and children. But where code and honor don't exist, or where a weak, easily-influenced woman is left too much to her own devices, wretched crises like these do occur, and they have to be faced like the abnormal problems prob-lems they are. It might be that, in anger, Betty exaggerated her escapades, just to provoke you. It might be that when you come home, in a year or two, you will find a different sort of wife. Don't attempt to find any solution now; leave it to time. It is hard to reach the understanding understand-ing of a girl like this. One reminds her of "duty, character, code, fineness, fine-ness, moral law." She never heard the words! Her only law is that cf pleasure, and she hasn't had any guidance even to show her what pleasure is safe and what is dangerous. dan-gerous. Prayer and girace would save her; nobody has ever taught her what grace is, or how to pray. Her whole argument and creed and belief and law are covered by the one expressive phrase: "so what"? boldly, 'I'm not asking you any questions, and while you're away I don't think that what I do is any of your business!' Any of my business what my wife does! Going Overseas. "Of course," concludes the letter, "this sort of action on her part and this attitude have somewhat destroyed de-stroyed my old love for her. But what I want your advice about is, what can I do? My mother is dead; I have no sister. Nursery homes for babies of those ages are too costly, and although Betty's mother is living, liv-ing, and goes in daily to do what she can for the children, she 13 not strong enough to assume full care of them. I am shortly to be sent overseas. over-seas. It is unthinkable to me that I must tolerate the ignominy and discomfort of this state of affairs. Can you recommend to me any society so-ciety that cares for cases like this, and might help me find a place where I could put my babies?" No, Don, I don't, and if I did I wouldn't recommend it. This is a miserable problem for you, and you have my heartiest sympathy. To have to go away to the battlefront under these circumstances is a real martyrdom, and the bitter thoughts that are seething within you will do nothing to strengthen your arm or quiet your nerves when the hour of crisis comes. But at the same time, those babies of yours are better off with the neglectful, yet "gay and friendly" mother, and with the daily visits of the grandmother, than they would be in any institution, or under any care you could buy for them now. All the kindly, older women who used to care for little charges in comfortable homes are out in the world now, driving rivets, nursing wounded, packing overseas food and clothing. It would be much wiser for you "She loves a good time. . . . |