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Show Kathleen Norris Say?: Old People Are a Problem Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. III ,y. She says to the children, when we send them in to call, "Don't bolher to come, my dears. Grandma knows you don't want to." By KATHLEEN NORRIS OLD PEOPLE ought to solve their own problems. prob-lems. It is a great reflection on your intelligence if you have lived 60 or 70 years in this troubled world, and even now don't know what you want, how you can manage, or how to be happy. Being unhappy is a matter of intelligence, and to be unhappy is to argue yourself stupid. Naturally there are times in all our lives when bereavement, or money trouble, or the actions of those dear to us cause us deep concern. con-cern. I'm not talking of that sort of thing. I'm talking of these old people who mourn and fret and complain and generally annoy the younger crowd, and make themselves them-selves a burden for the last 20 years of their lives. Mary Cutter, for example, at 74 is strong as a horse and good for many more years. Mary was a loved wife, raised three sons and a daughter, saw them all nicely married. When she was widowed and found her resources much reduced, re-duced, she proceeded to make of herself as much of a nuisance as a human being can. She was stunned with grief when her children married, fainted at the church, hated hnr son-in-law and daughters-in-law violently. She carried car-ried on when she had to sell the old home as if she had been turned into the street. Her stay at a nice quiet family hotel was one long groan. The girls" husbands got together and bought her a cottage she had loudly coveted for years. They furnished fur-nished it; moved her in. She thanked them half-heartedly, and began te find things wrong with the furnace, window - screens, neighborhood neigh-borhood and the earth in the garden. gar-den. Nothing Pleases Her. Now, five years later, she speaks bitterly of the children "shunting her off" into this dreadful little place, and asserts that she has always al-ways hated it "She simply is doing everything the can to ruin our lives," writes her daughter. "She criticizes the children's manners and the way we dress them. She says to them, when we send them in to call, 'Don't bother to come, my dears. Grandma Grand-ma knows you don't want to.' "The worst of it is," this letter concludes, "my husband's mother Is a darling, helpful and cheerful and adored by the children. She and a friend keep a boarding-house, so there's no question of her living here, but if we ask her to dinner once more than we do mother, there Is trouble. What can one do with a troublesome, unhappy old lady who still isn't sick enough for a sanitarium sani-tarium or poor enough for a home?" The answer is nothing. If all through the 30s and the 40s your mother wasn't getting ready for this time, finding amusements and interests with which to fill it looking look-ing forward to the delights of grandchildren grand-children and to the serene ease from burden and responsibility that old age means, nothing will change her. I would be very careful to put your husband's and your children's chil-dren's interests first and to concede as little as possible to this twisted 1 old woman. For no matter what you do she will never be satisfied. Some years ago I knew a couple who had a charming home down on Long island. One summer they had an opportunity to go abroad, and offered their home to a business friend. Two Difficult Old Ladies. "The only thing," our friend said, in making this offer, "is that my wife's mother lives with us and she wants to stay on in the house during the summer." The other man's face fell. "I'm sorry," he said, "it can't be done. You see, we have an old lady of our own." Both these men knew that there was no chance that the old ladies would get together, work out a congenial con-genial and perhaps even pleasant relationship. No such hope! The second sec-ond family had to forego a chance for a cool beach summer, and the first family had to seek out some other solution for the old tyrant's company. Why is it old age must be so unreasonable, un-reasonable, exacting and unmanageable? unman-ageable? Most old ladies were nice women wom-en once, loved wives and good mothers. Why can't they prepare, in their minds, all through the younger years, for the inevitable changes and solitudes that are before be-fore them? Whether you marry or whether you don't, you may some day be alone. Why deceive yourself your-self with the idea that the youngsters young-sters want you in their lives, that you have peculiar charms, claims and rights that other old ladies haven't? Remember what you thought, 30 years ago, of your husband's mother. moth-er. That's what they think of you today. Face it, and if you can, turn yourself into a cheerful, occupied, useful old woman, too busy with her own interests to watch the clock and the calendar to make sure that the children are neglecting her. The one gift you can give your children now, and it is a great gift, is to let them see that you are happy. 'Let them tee you are happy ..." i |