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Show Kathleen Norris Says: Justice for the Baby Ba Syndicate. WNU Features. "Between now and your wedding day try to build up between Sylvia and Karl a friendship that may solve all this with no separation between you and the child at all." By KATHLEEN NORRIS "TJMVE years ago I wrote you about my expected college baby," writes Frances, from an Arkansas town. "This baby was the result re-sult of a winter of recklessness, reckless-ness, I see that now. But I had joined a free thinking group in college, and the thought that a woman is not privileged to have a child and raise that child, without the farce of a few words pronounced pro-nounced over her and some man by a justice of the peace, was ridiculous to me. Your advice was to have the baby privately, and give it out for immediate adoption, but I loved the thought of a child all my own, and determined to go home for the summer, acknowledge ac-knowledge my baby openly, and try to persuade a supposedly sup-posedly open-minded circle of family and friends that things have changed, and the old narrow law against so-called illegitimacy is outgrown. "Well, some of the circle saw things my way and some didn't. My dearest girl friend stuck to me and adored Sylvia, who is an exquisite child, now nearlng five. My mother was wonderful, quiet and sympathetic, sympa-thetic, anxious for me to get in touch with the baby's father, which was out of the question, but helpful all through. Certain cousins and aunts turned up their noses. I got a good war Job, made lots of money, and could do everything for Sylvia. My father died a few months after I got home, and Mother lived with me. Mother wanted me to tell people peo-ple that the baby's father had been killed at Iwo Jima, but I wouldn't lie. "Jane, my friend, married, and her husband didn't like our friendship. friend-ship. I would never have believed that anything would change her, but the stubborn narrow man she married managed it. They have two children; he doesn't even want them to play with Sylvia. "Well, here's the present problem. prob-lem. What nobody but myself even knew was that Sylvia's father was married when I met him; I did not know it until we had been lovers for some time. He and his wife came to our town a few weeks ago; they are childless, and they want Sylvia. "Meanwhile, I have fallen truly In lov with Karl,, an engineer who is going to Norway for three years. Ha thinks It unwise for us to take the baby, and would be glad to have me give her over to her father. The equasion in this that nobody takes Into account is my feeling for my beautiful, affectionate little girl; we have never been parted, she depends on me, and her possessive 'my mommy' is always on her lips. "Her father will stand no half-measures. half-measures. She must go to him unconditionally. un-conditionally. She must not see me again, and believe, as she grows older, that she is his wife's child. I am torn two ways, agonized by this decision. The man I want to marry is in every way my ideal-strong, ideal-strong, quiet, tender and wise. He is half-Norwegian, and the prospect of life at a great construction plant In his father's country sounds good to me. Only about Sylvia Is he adamant. We will have other children, chil-dren, he says, and he will never love her as he does them. . "What is the best way out of this for us all?" The best way out, Frances, was very possibly your surrender of the baby before you ever saw her face. If she is what you describe, charming charm-ing and lovable, some adopted mother and father would all this time have been giving her a child's right, love and security. It was your decision that deprived her of this, and put you in today's position, with today's hard choice before you. Whatever you do, there is pain in it for you, and in the solutions you suggest there seems to be small con- sideration for the child. Long ago) she should have been placed beyond the reach of these disturbing and upsetting changes. A married man who could have a love affair with a college girl doesn't sound too safe a guardian, and the wife who knew hersell cheated will not make too loving a mother. Why not place this small girl with some kindly woman for say a year, marry your Karl and go to Norway. Make him so loving and efficient a wife that he will want, some day, only to make you happy. When you get your child back, once In your home, Sylvia will make her own way. Her own father and his wife seem to me unfit guardians. It would bo a super-human wife indeed whe could truly love the child of hei husband by a younger woman. She has never had children, and would not understand Sylvia, nor his fatherly fa-therly Indulgence of Sylvia. Steei clear of them entirely, and between now and your wedding day, try tc build up between Sylvia and Karl, friendship that may solve all this with no separation between you and the child at all. Since you are independent enough to face the age-old crisis of Sylvia'i birth five years ago, face this on too, always keeping in mind tha nothing else matters except that th child shall be presently establlshec in a loving and permanent home with a chance to forget the wrong! and changes that have upset hei babyhood. 'A charmln nd lovable baby. . . " |