Show kathleen norris says hands off the men and women who were your children BU bell syndicate service 01 alook L W when ah she e answers the phone mother says 1 I if its iff the brown boy tell sell him you can go to the movie and if its ies allan for sake dotes dont gush at him t by gAT KATHLEEN HLEEN NORRIS C TIME before Us this year gets SOME too old it might be at a good idea to try to stop living your childrens lives tor for them not fo tor r the childr childrens elVil saki sake primarily though for that too but for or your own take sake you young mothers and older mothers and grandmothers it Is worth while to sit down for a few minutes and seriously consider just what your relationship tion ship with the younger generation really is begin by remembering what YOU thought of the grownups grown ups when you were 18 16 and 20 and 25 you loved them and were grateful to them for years of kindness and care and you wanted to get them and their timid old fashioned ideas out of the way as rapidly as possible and begin the glorious business of living your own life there comes a moment in the life of every girl of 15 or to 16 when her mother says something like this to her the telephone joan and it if its the brown boy you yu tell him that you can go to the movie but you have to come straight home afterward and if its allan for sake dont gush at him as it if he were the only boy in the world and stop chewing that auml gum there comes a time in the life ot of every boy of 17 or 19 when his moth this to him er r says something like 1 I cannot understand what you I 1 like ike about that tom he the v sort of friend I 1 like you to have at all hes nice enough but so ardi baryl now mow if you do go out tonight I 1 want you to be back here by 11 youre youlie making fa tar r too much fuss about this silly club of yours anyway be off after something else lse in a few weeks and be sure to telephone and ask that nice baker girl to go with you to the dance her mother is president of our club and ashes really a lovely girl only shy and quiet it makes no impression both son and daughter listen and say yes mom respectfully and go their ways no more impressed by all the maternal fussing than are the sparrows in iii the garden bushes they know if mother mathez and dad dont that the rules that form their characters and will guide their conduct through life are far more fun da mental than anything that mother can can call from the kitch kitchen en or dad shout from upstairs what they have of self control fineness courage which to meet life wisdom in choosing amusements and occupations was given them long before they reached their present ages they are a man and a woman at 16 and 19 and in their secret hearts they are merely annoyed or bored by parental control the girl who has had a good gentle intelligent mother back of her for all ail her 18 years will keep her heart at home entertain there be proud to have her friends share her own life the girl whose P parents arents have themselves had small interest in home have taken noa no pains to create a harmonious atmosphere there havi have not studied her personality and b built aut about her a rampart of friendships and hos hospitalities p it a gitles be surprised it ii she mikes makes her escape at the first possible minute minitte and per perhaps halis breaks her heart and wrecks her life in the process some mothers carry their passion for mans management fernent straight on into their chil childrens drews married lives as does this des moines woman whose letter lies on my desk th this is morno morn o fr ing my on only lyson son made an extremely A unwise marriage she writes Ms his wife is handsome and her family famili well to do but she is a cold selfish hard girl end and the miseries I 1 have suffered tor for my affectionate gentle boy only ollya I 1 mother adother can knowl B but alti ulti the re real al tragedy is their child phyl DANGER KEEP OUT L an attempt to stop living your jour childrens lives for them is worth trying tan in the opinion 0 pinion of kathleen C ashe she feels that tar far too many parents take too active on an interest in the affairs of the younger generation gem it such an interest not only makes the young people more dependent but in some cases the effect is equally bad upon the he parents themselves ae C lives are more success successful lul character is stronger when children follow fundamental rules of good behavior rather than paying strict attention to hasty words words shouted down the stairs or out the doorway and as youth goes out for its enjoyment fl a carrying a mothers passion for child management straight ain on into their childrens married tile life is a dangerous mistake C living ones own life in ones own way that is one of the most exciting privileges and shining boals goals of living of at all J Us now seven years old bud would have liked other children I 1 know but gladys has made herself a regular martyr lor for having had one he still praises her and pets her tor for going through that ordeal tor for his sake seldom sees granddaughter little phyllis has a colored girl tor for a nurse and even when she was quite a baby she would be banished by her mother to the nurses company rules were rules and hours were hours and no matter how much spoiling bud lavished on his wife the baby was not to be spoiled she is an exquisite child but I 1 almost never see her if I 1 offer to take her tor for a saturday there is always some other plan and gladys thanks me and hangs up the telephone and that buds wile wife spends much too much money Is very extravagant drags him to parties when he should be sleeping refuses social connections that w would u id be valuable to his bu business and altogether does all she can to wreck his life and I 1 have to stand by and see all my hopes for him disappointed see him missing other high possibilities that might have been his all tor for this woman no there is no quarrel between us but cheever it he ever quotes to her my occasional cas easl ional onal my very rare advice to him s she he must know perfectly well w what hat I 1 think of her I 1 quote this letter if it we were re not typical of 0 many to this dissatisfied mother and many another I 1 can say only that no one of us no matter how clever can form the slightest idea of what happiness or unhappiness what hopes or tears fears composed compose out our childrens lives bud may inay be completely happy with his gladys gladys may secretly adore her small child and only put on the stern stem indifferent manner to madden buds eier everlastingly lastingly fussy mother discipline may be the thing that will give little phyllis a fine unselfish character as she grows up mother should keep out only time will bring the answer kaswer buethe but the one thing that loving tearful fearful jealous mo motherhood wont allow is time alme bud belofi belonged ged entirely to his mother fora few happy years shi she is not strong enough nor wise enough to admit that those years are gone by criticism and interference she has lost whatever what evir lau ence enie she ehe might have had upon gladys and destro destroyed jed whatever affection might nave grown between them what she ought to do now is kerr KEEP OUT let them alone andia and if she really yearns to bi be a good grandmother to some small girl lot let her pick i that child from an orphanage and do for her everything she would like to ta be doing tor or phyllls phyllis shell find this a cure for her heartache |