Show Something For Everyone By BERT LUCKY BOYACK fr frAND P p Q P Q Q AND THAT'S THE TIlE TRUTH TRUTHA A A persnickety judge in Altoona was also the paying teller of a local bank One day he refused to cash a check for Cor a sometime depositor claiming that he wasn't satisfied with said depositors depositor's identification Doggone it judge fumed the depositor Youve sentenced prisoners prison prison- ers to be hanged on less evidence than Ive I've given you nere possible admitted the judge but when it comes to hard cash I dont don't kid around Bennett Cerf S S 55 NO FUTURE The annual meeting of the Clairvoyant Society has been cancelled due to a condition that could not be foreseen S 5 5 55 5 BORED It was the young wife's first visit to the ball park and her husband tried to explain the game to her She just couldn't get the drift of it however and as the game progressed it was plain to see that she was bored Suddenly one of the players gave the ball a terrific wallop which sent it zooming over the fence Thank goodness exclaimed the wife lost the ball now we can go home BOYS AGE FASTER Are you and your sister twins We were when we were born but now she's five years younger than I am SS WRONG DOOR R At a dance a woman noticed that her husbands husband's trousers leg had gotten ripped She drew him to to a secluded room and he removed his trousers while she produced a needle and thread to mend them Suddenly they heard people approaching the room Quick said the wife Get into the closet until I get rid of those people So the husband in his shirt and shorts disappeared red through the door and his wife held it shut Then she heard his frantic voice from the other side Let me back J Let et me back Im I'm m in the ballroom ballroom- W. n 4 h SMART SMART SUE Without a set goal in life many people find it difficult difficult dif dif- di- di to keep their train of thought on the right tr track ck s NO EXCUSE Patrolman What's the idea of racing through town at eighty miles an hour Driver I dont don't have any brakes and I want to get home before something happens NO FIT FITA A slim 12 year old girl trying to dress herself was overheard complaining to her mother how can I fasten my dress when the z zipper zipper is in the back and Im I'm in the front And another young lass about the same age approached her hour of decision in the lingerie section of a fashionable department store She examined a variety of brassieres finally selecting an elaborate one she approached the clerk and asked Have you anything anything any any- thing like this for beginners PROBLEMS A grade school student irritated with the teachers question replied With a father and three teenage sisters trying to use one bathroom you try to get to school on time IF WE CAN SAY SAY SAY- That a man who is always wiring for money is an electrician and what has ears like a cat walks like has tail like but isn't is kitten a cat a a cat a and Paul Reveres Revere's last word on his ride was whoa Can in conclusion the conclusion the difference between we say a jeweler and a jailer is that the the jeweler sells watches and the jailer watches cells COULD HAPPEN A father of a teenage boy commented I couldn't take it any more so I finally dragged the kid personally to my barber and ordered Give him a crew cut It ItHe He did just that and so help me I found Id I'd been bringing up someone else's girl It AND THEN There was the Scotch counterfeiter who has the first bill he ever printed 5 5 5 5 55 BY EXAMPLE They say we should follow a good example But there are arc always exceptions For instance certainly no parent would desire their children to follow v in the f footsteps of a successful counterfeiter QUOTE GEORGE GOBEL I When I was a kid my folks were so poor we couldn't I even afford electricity I was the only boy on the block blockI who played kerosene guitar I TAKE v YOU TAKE THEY TAKE THEY TAKE I j Joey Adams Comic Recently had his office in his house burglarized of several joke files Tit-for-tat Tit I he probably has plagiarized from others for years FANTASY Liberace Lee flamboyantly dressed pianist suddenly inherited a bank He took charge the following day and stood at the window as teller He was entirely and inexplicably in inexplicably inexplicably in- in not ready for the following experience A hold holdup holdup up man came in with a gun pointed and said Put all the money you have in the bank in that brown bag C Suave Liberace asked Would you mind if I put it in ina ina a beaded bag IRRITABLE WIFE The husband came home from the Dr and said The Doctor told me I have One cOne Cavity His disagreeable wife replied What kind of a Dr did you go to Dentist or Brain Surgeon FUTURE POSSIBILITY The Pentagon in Washington may come to an end in ina ina a future era of peace This would not be the I end for the Pentagon It would take years to unwind all the bureaucratic red tape and complete the I Iw w work I I I LAST WORD I J to the tributes paid to him at a testimonial 1 dinner Herbert Bayard Swope financier said I cannot I ft give you the formula for success but I can give you I the formula for failure Try to plear Everybody |